Growing Up as a Pastor’s Kid with SSA
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Growing Up as a Pastor’s Kid with SSA

Childhood plays a very significant part in our lives. How we’re raised defines us in adulthood, paving the way toward how we interact with people: family, friends, churches, co-workers, or strangers. Father figures especially shaped our lives. Truth be told, none of us had a perfect father growing up. Some of us grew up in […]

My Greatest Failure as a Man
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My Greatest Failure as a Man

I am a failure. I’m a failure of a husband and a man. No, I didn’t cheat on my wife; I feel like I’ve done the opposite of it, actually. I’ve been wearing this feeling for awhile. A long time, really. Ever since we got married. When my life turned around many, many years ago, […]

I’ll Never Have a Childhood Best Friend
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I’ll Never Have a Childhood Best Friend

I attended a wedding once, and I couldn’t stop staring at the best man. His hair, his tux, his smile — I fixated on him for obvious reasons. Then came his speech at the reception. “I’ve been best friends with the groom since first grade,” he said. He went on to say how bittersweet it […]

Real Men Fix Things
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Real Men Fix Things

You could not have imagined a stranger sight: I was on my stomach, stretched out on the hallway upstairs, groaning with every twist of the hand, sweat pouring down my face, obscenities flowing from my mouth, and only the thought of, “How did I get here?” going through my head. And then my wife came […]

Rebirth of a Male Friendship
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Rebirth of a Male Friendship

This is Part 4 of my friendship series with Justin. Check out Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3. I also talked about Justin in the YOBcast Episode 006. Surprisingly, the end of my friendship with Justin was not the end of the story. I had destroyed our friendship by my unhealthy emotional dependence and demands […]

My Father Doesn’t Know Me
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My Father Doesn’t Know Me

I had a great childhood. I grew up in a Christian home with stable, loving parents who raised my brother and me to love the Lord, leading us in daily morning Bible studies. They both had somewhat difficult childhoods themselves and, as most parents do, they wanted to give their sons a better start in life than […]

Real Men Don’t Take Baths
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Real Men Don’t Take Baths

“Dude, what do you think you’re doing?” His shocked tone both surprised me and didn’t at the same time. I wanted to come off as curious while not sounding stupid. I simply asked “What?” and watched his eyes widen even further. “Dude, you took a bath,” Martin exclaimed, eyes now larger than originally thought possible. “How […]

When Male Friendship Dies
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When Male Friendship Dies

This is Part 3 in this friendship series; check out Part 1 and Part 2. I also reference Justin on episode 6 of the YOBcast. When my straight roommate, Justin, learned I dealt with same-sex attraction, he almost ended the friendship right then and there. He saw my obsession with him and that I wanted him to meet all my […]

To Love A Woman
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To Love A Woman

“Are you dating anyone?” “Are there any girls you’re interested in?” “Who’s got your attention?” These questions were often asked of me in high school. Though I was very aware that guys in their teens were supposed to be interested in the female species, I was hardly conscious of them. I pretended to be fascinated by […]

The Flags I Fly Over Myself
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The Flags I Fly Over Myself

A pastor advised me many years ago to beware of my choice of identity. We were discussing my SSA and comments made by some friends at the time. I was upset that they commonly used “gay” as a detrimental term when they were frustrated. My pastor did not excuse their words. He sat them down […]