More than anything, though, what struck me about this year's retreat was a deep sense of unity. As I looked around the room of forty brothers, I considered how what unites us all is our crazy decision to make Jesus our everything – not just to follow Christ in a church on Sunday, but to take a devotion to Him into every single second of our lives.
I was anxious our "vibe" would be too new, too foreign, too strange, and too uncomfortable for too many people. Would the ratio just be off? Would our vibe be off after 27 months apart? Beyond logistics and numbers, I felt anxious about the purpose of this retreat more than either of our previous ones. It all goes back to that nebulous definition of YOB: what are we here for?
Dr. Paul Eddy of Bethel University joins us for our "season finale" of sorts to discuss covenant – particularly the covenant of friendship. Paul lays out the components of covenant, including terms and signs and witnesses, and translates this particular covenant to the grander scheme of God's eternal covenant with His people. Afterward Tom, Ryan, and Aaron "debrief" the discussion: do we desire covenant friendships in our lives, or how likely do they seem? What are the draws and challenges of covenant friendship, and should we as gay/SSA believers be concerned about the perception of such friendships?
It's now been three to four years since I've written those blogs on cuddling and nudity, and I've shared many cuddles since with guys I've met through YOB. But have any of my thoughts changed since I wrote those posts?
Somewhere in the night, the role reversal from cuddling with Brandon completed itself. Lines got blurred and then definitively crossed. It wasn't sexual touch, but it was inappropriate touch. It wasn't welcomed or invited. Brett didn't ask; he just did. He took. Just as I took from Brandon, Brett took from me. And passive, conflict-avoidant me felt crippled to say a word against it.
YOB’s resident community welcomer, Keegan, joins Tom to talk about being a #LurkerNoLonger. He recounts the backstory of a voicemail he left for the YOBcast several episodes ago, and Tom’s heart soars over stories of brotherhood and beach bonfires from his former home in southern California. And the guys can’t get away from this episode without talking about Keegan’s now iconic welcome GIF for new community members – especially after it slaughtered Ryan’s hair in March’s "YOB Madness" bracket.
Tom welcomes back YOB’s resident artist and cuddling aficionado, Eugene, for a discussion on physical boundaries between friends. They reference both Tom’s latest blog on crossing boundaries and Eugene’s latest blog on the nature vs. nurture debate! Additionally, Tom reveals some behind the scenes magic for rectifying the technical snafu that happened during last year’s ConvoCast recording with Eugene. And the guys bounce around a new name for what to call someone who isn’t quite a YOBBER (yet)!
It's only human nature to ask these questions of nature vs. nurture. The seeming injustice and sheer unfairness of our sexualities can feel torturous. It seems cruel that we're so different in a way that society considers taboo and the church considers downright sinful.
I pictured him crying in his bed when he woke up that morning, or even going to bed crying right after leaving me; knowing I'd hurt him, knowing I'd been the one to cross physical boundaries. It destroyed me, if I'm honest.
Well, 2020 happened. And in this "unprecedented" year, a more personal disease revealed itself in me. Like Nouwen wrote, despite my being around people during a pandemic, I faced loneliness. My tendency to isolate combined with an actual, physical inability to connect with others made me look deeper into the why of my loneliness.