As I sit here drinking my cup of hot chocolate, my thoughts of what topic to write come pouring into my brain, and my mind is running 100 MPH.
No, wait…that’s not true. I can’t come up with anything right now. I guess that’s how most of us start when we’re trying to figure out what to write for our first blog post.
Yes, we want to have a big BANG for our first post, but let’s be real, it never really is that way.
That doesn’t come until several posts later, once we get used to our own writing style and tearing down our walls of vulnerability.
So this is my first post, not so great, yet not so horrible. It’s like the in-between post. So, let me introduce myself.
My name is Matt. I’m a full-blooded Southwestern Native American, and yes we still do exist. No, I do not live in a teepee or wear a headdress on a daily basis (thanks a lot, Hollywood movies). I’m just a regular person who works, pays his bills, goes to church, etc. The only thing that makes me, um…lets say, unique, is that I deal with SSA, or same-sex attraction.
Does this hinder me from living a normal life? No, not as it used to be in the past.
Years ago in my early college years, I used to be haunted by what people thought of me and what people would say if they found out. You know, the usual stuff that affects almost every person who deals with SSA.
I was a very very very quiet person, introverted as can be.
But now, I’m a pretty blunt person, and I like honesty. Though there are limits to what people can hear when I’m being honest them and when I’m talking to someone, I watch their movements, facial expressions, and go from there. I always keep in mind everyone has his or her limits, so that keeps me accountable to be very careful of what I have to say.
As I said before, I’m just a normal person! I’m not your stereotypical SSA person, or gay person, how ever you want to put it. I like football (Steelers fan here, woot woot!), love movies and TV shows, like long-boarding to places, play drums, sing from time to time, and chill at home.
I am very involved in my home church — it’s one of those “mega churches,” though I don’t view it as that. I’m also part of a small group that meets once a week, and I love them with all of my heart.
But you ask: How do you distinguish between your spiritual views and your sexuality?
To be honest, I’m in a place where I view myself as a person. Yes, I question if I’m really a Christian, or if God really loves me the way I am. I’m not defined only by my sexuality or my religious views, though my belief dominates my thinking.
What I mean is, I know that there is more to me than one section in my life, whether it be my sexuality or my religious beliefs.
I’m a work in progress! Everyone is a work in progress, and that’s how life is. Slowly, but surely, we all strive to be what the Christian community calls holy!
I want to be holy, like my Heavenly Father is holy. I’m called to be like His son, Jesus. That’s my passion and desire! Every day I so want to be more like Jesus, but I live in a fallen world and have a fallen desire, which keeps me humble, if I like it or not.
I’m an SSA person who is deeply in love with God, and strives to be like His loving Savior. Reminder people, baby steps!
One of the major things I love to do is have a one-on-one conversation with someone! I LOVE learning new things about people, seeing how they tick, getting inside their head, and listening to their past. If it means just talking about life in general, then I’m all for that too!
My posts in this community will be about what I’ve been through: the good, the bad, and the ugly. All this stuff that we’re going to go through together, I plan on teaching you guys something, making what’s going on in my life applicable in your life.
Whatever trials and triumphs I have in my life, I do want to teach you guys that there’s a nugget of wisdom in it. We just need to find it and dust it off.
That’s how my posts here are going to be set up, where YOU, my audience, are sitting across the table, and we’re just chatting about life. Sometimes it means diving deep into my past to bring up a topic to apply to today’s world. Other times, I’m just going to talk about random stuff that really doesn’t go into my past but is part of the present. I think we all need a breather from time to time.
I won’t be going into chronological order of my past, because I know you guys are smart enough to piece together segments of my life and put it in order for yourself. Meaning all of you will have to put on your thinking caps and make that brain of yours work!
So to answer my own title question, which you guys have probably already concluded: Yes! I’ll be honest!
With all that said and done, are you guys ready for my side of the story? Hope you guys are! If not, you better be, whether you like it or not!
What are you guys looking for with my posts here? Is there any other thing you want me to talk about? Are you guys at a place for transparency and honesty?
* Photo courtesy diversey, Creative Commons.