Let’s talk about sex.

I’ve had it. More than once. With my wife. I’m married, so it happens. And I even have a child to prove this. However, I made a very different decision many years ago.

Before I was even dating or at all interested in my wife, I had sex with another man.

I’m not going to share the details. That’s neither helpful/beneficial nor necessary/any of anyone else’s business. But here’s what I will share.

Firstly, I was in a profoundly serious moment of weakness. I was struggling in school, alone, hungry, and exhausted.

Secondly, I knew what I was doing — or, at least, I thought I did. I knew what I wanted to do and, at that moment, I wanted to be with another man.

Lastly, I have regretted this decision every day of my life since.

Sex has power beyond what you can imagine. If you are a virgin, then you honestly cannot fathom anything about the long-term effects of sex.

I apologize, but you simply lack the capacity. The only fitting analogies don’t really make sense either, but I’ll give one a try.

Imagine tearing off a piece of your soul and giving it to someone else who, in return, rips off part of their soul and places it in the spot where you had ripped out yours. With sex, you’re basically exchanging pieces of your soul with somebody.

And it feels absolutely amazing in the moment. No wonder humanity has worshiped sex and almost always included it into pagan rituals whenever possible.

But just as sex is an absolutely amazing feeling, it’s agonizingly horrific when it goes wrong.

I learned the hardest way possible that the Bible has some good ideas about sex. After hooking up with that guy, I almost killed myself. The intense amount of feelings that swarmed me as I sat in my car alone drove me to a desire for numbness.

I wanted to feel nothing in the ocean of feeling everything.

But the side-effects didn’t end that night my life was spared.

My wife and I have had to wrestle with my decision to have sex before marriage — a decision I made YEARS before we even started dating! You would think there’d be ZERO consequences on our marriage due to my decision. And yet — well, it still causes us each to struggle at times.

Having sex that one time has impacted every part of my life — my career, my friendships, my health, my walk with God.

I’m haunted by the thought that there is a man out there who now knows me as a former sex-partner. This guy could walk into my office one day and recognize me there. He could walk into church while I’m serving and call me out. He could run into me while I’m with my wife and daughter.

I’m scared to death of exposing my present surroundings to my past mistakes. I want my past to stay where it is — in the past. But I realize that this isn’t a guaranteed thing.

Please understand, I don’t say all this to scare you sexless. Sex can be a wonderful thing when done properly; it truly is a gift from God, and I am thankful for it.

I say all this as a caution or warning or an FYI. Sex isn’t just sex. Sex is beyond what you can imagine if you haven’t yet had it. And it is still an abyss of learning if you have had it.

And, either way, we need to talk about it more.

You need not dive into specifics, but have you ever hooked up with another man? What led you to this decision, and what were your feelings afterward?

Photos courtesy ewanrayment , Creative Commons.

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