Month: April 2016

I’m Not Sorry for My Horrible Start with Jesus

So, my last post was a bit controversial. I shouldn’t have been surprised, but I was! Wow! At least it got you guys talking, with some asking questions for clarification, which was all good in my book. On the other side, I did get a lot of flack, and I got messages saying that I was making people stumble, that my post was sinful. So, I thought in this post I’d share why I post what I post — why I’m not sorry for my last post, and why I’m not going to be sorry for any future blog posts. In my very...

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I Don’t Want to Stop Watching Porn

I don’t want to stop watching porn, not really anyway. . You see, porn is a very difficult and complex issue. Often, porn is used as a catch-all phrase so we don’t actually have to be honest about what we are really doing. For example: I call it “porn” when I really spent 3 hours having cyber-sex. By using “porn” this way, I don’t have to be honest to myself or others about what I was really doing.  We prevent ourselves from really bringing things into the light and thus we prevent ourselves from walking in freedom. And I think...

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Refusing to Let God Work Through Me

So, there’s this guy I know called Garth. He wants to be called Bob on this blog, but that’s not happening; my apologies, Garth. You’ve already heard me mention him. He is my new coworker whom I shared with my SSA struggle and who then encouraged me to go to my current pastor. He’s a great guy. Garth and I first met as I interviewed for the job I now have. I was visiting for the weekend doing my final interview, and he and I had scheduled a breakfast meeting. I had already “met” him via phone calls and FaceTime and Facebook, but I had...

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I’m Almost 30 and I’ve Never Been Kissed

I recently celebrated a “pre-milestone” sort of birthday: 29. Compared to 16 and 18 and 21, 29 feels like a big number, a big age, an age one might even ascribe as “old.” But I’m giving myself permission to live especially youthfully this year — my last year as a twenty-something. I’m looking forward to lots of hikes, waterfalls, and cookies-and-cream milkshakes in these twelve months ahead. I’ve learned a lot about personality models in these latter years of my twenties, particularly the Enneagram. As an Enneagram Type 4, I’m more prone than others to look back on my past and...

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Can All Christians Agree About Masturbation?

If you go to any group of Christians, especially Christian men, and especially Christian teenagers, and bring up the topic of masturbation, what do you think the number one question is that people are asking and dying to have answered? Is masturbation a sin? Go to any Christian internet forum for teenagers or one that talks about sexual issues, and you’ll find people asking and attempting to answer that question. Read any book that addresses masturbation, and that question and the author’s answer will probably take up a significant number of pages. Listen to a youth pastor’s message on the...

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An Open Conversation on Masculine Stereotypes

Sam: Well hey there! So for those of you who don’t know, Dean recently moved a few hours away from me, and I’m LOVING IT! He’s in town tonight, and we’re currently chilling on my couch. We thought this would be a great time to start a conversation with one of our favorite subjects — masculine stereotypes and pop culture. Dean: Thanks, Sam! Your place is totally fetch! Sam: YAS! Dean: All right then! So, Sam, let’s talk. How often do you share your love of pop culture with others? Sam: Well, I don’t have very many male friends, but I am...

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When Christians Can’t See Through LGBT Eyes

I am in school. No, this is not a flashback story being told as if it were present-day. This is right now. I am in school, working toward a graduate degree in religion. Few things are more fun than being an adult / husband / father / full-time career man also in full-time graduate classes. Imagine a marathon runner trying to juggle twelve watermelons for three years and you have a close analogy. One of my not-so-favorite parts of school is the group discussion we have on our class’s website. Online group forum discussions — aka “Fool Festivals” — always make me...

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A Good Little Christian Boy Goes to Sexaholics Anonymous

I park on the street and walk around the back of the church, per the instructions on the basic 90’s style website. I reach for the back door handle, and it doesn’t budge. I pull again; still nothing. The doorbell glares at me, and I push it with a reluctant sigh. So this is how my first Sexaholics Anonymous meeting will start. A man races to the door to let me in, and I have to make eye-contact, have to cue another human into why I’m here, and I follow him into a little room of fluorescent lights and eight men already sitting in a circle — a...

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Never Guilty About All My Hookups

Yup! We’re back with the sex stories of my life! Oh lawd! So, I’m going to have to warn everyone again: if you can’t handle stories like this, PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS POST! After my groundbreaking realization of sex, losing my virginity to a 30-year-old random dude and feeling like I was “alive,” I wanted more of it! My sex drive was in maximum overdrive and I was totally in love with it! Though I still had a life — living with my family, working a job, and going to church — I now had a new hunger, a new desire. With...

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How I Inherited Addiction and Shame

Addiction. I have always been familiar with that word. Growing up, it just seemed normal for people to have addictions. Some of my family members were addicted to nicotine, and others were addicted to alcohol, but everyone seemed to be addicted to something. It seemed one could get by relatively unnoticed if he or she was addicted to nicotine. “It’s just a cigarette,” they would say. I learned rather quickly, however, that not all addictions were equal. It seemed there was some sort of sliding scale for the severity of judgment one would receive for different types of addiction. One...

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