After my girlfriend, Sarah, ended her relationship with me, I took some time to think through what had just happened.
Obviously my same-sex attraction had impacted her decision not to marry me. She also clearly felt unloved by me.
I was full of questions:
Why had I failed?
Would I ever be able to find a woman who would marry me?
Why couldn’t I make Sarah feel loved?
Are there women out there who would marry me and fight on my side against SSA?
Is there something about SSA that always disqualifies me from marriage?
Should I still try to marry a woman, keep my SSA secret from her, and “fake it until I make it”?
Or should I give up and remain single?
Is remaining single actually “giving up” or is it actually best for me?
What did Sarah mean about “expressing my feelings”?
I had very little time to think about these doubts and questions before another bomb dropped.
My straight friend, Brandon, said he wanted to talk with me about something serious.
“I have some questions about Sarah,” he said. “Do you think she might change her mind and get back with you?”
“Oh, no,” I said. “We’re both sure we can never marry each other. I’m as sure as I can be that that will never happen.”
He paused. “So, I’ve been noticing her more lately, and I really like what I see. How would you feel if I asked her out on a date?”
In that moment I felt all kinds of confusing, good, and bad stuff, and I just couldn’t put it all into words. I instinctively told Brandon to go ahead with pursuing Sarah, out of my desire to be a blessing to my friend.
Then I really thought about what he had just done.
Was this betrayal? What would Sarah think? What will happen to my friendship with Brandon now? Will I lose my closest friend? What will my other friends think? Most importantly, what does God Himself want me to do?
I was a mess, but I tried to conceal my mess from Brandon and everyone else.
Sarah said yes to Brandon, and they started dating; it wasn’t long before they were obviously in love.
How was I supposed to respond?
My former girlfriend — the only one with whom I had ever discussed marriage — dumped me and was now with my best male friend.
Had I been betrayed by BOTH of them?
To be continued . . .
Have you ever felt betrayed by a good friend? How did you move past the betrayal?
* Photo courtesy petertandlund, Creative Commons.