YOBcast Episode 004: YOB Retreat!

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PODCAST WEEK concludes today with Episode 004. We hope you’re enjoying the show after few episodes. This one is my personal favorite of the first batch. I just love working with these other guys. Knowing them.

In this episode, six blogging brothers unite at our annual YOB retreat! We remember last year’s inaugural retreat and discuss our favorite moments from eight months on the blog. We also talk about our present dealings with brotherhood, both online and offline.

You can subscribe to our show on iTunes or Stitcher for notifications every time we upload a new episode. And if you dig what we’re doing, please rate and review us on iTunes and Stitcher. It only takes a minute or two, and your support helps us do more of what we love to do: share our stories. A huge shout-out to the 13+ raters and 6+ reviewers so far! Y’all are awesome.

Enjoy the episode below! And don’t forget to comment: what does the concept of “brotherhood” mean to you, both online and offline?

Show notes for Episode 004:

Matt’s gay Christian post: https://www.yourotherbrothers.com/2016/07/20/gay-christian/

Sam and Dean’s masculinity post: https://www.yourotherbrothers.com/2016/04/20/masculine-stereotypes/

Tom’s sexual sobriety post: https://www.yourotherbrothers.com/2016/07/27/sexually-sober/

The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis: http://amzn.to/2aGjhQh

Marshall’s posts: https://www.yourotherbrothers.com/author/marshall/

Matt’s posts: https://www.yourotherbrothers.com/author/matt/

Corey’s posts: https://www.yourotherbrothers.com/author/corey/

Sam’s posts: https://www.yourotherbrothers.com/author/sam/

Tom’s posts: https://www.yourotherbrothers.com/author/tom/

Elliott’s posts: https://www.yourotherbrothers.com/author/elliott/

  • Alan Gingery


    I love the Diversity of YOBs! I appreciate the various guys and all their variety of experiences, struggles, etc. and I sense the strength you have found in community! Wow!

    Special note for Matt: I’m so in awe of you, Matt! Your journey is perhaps the most different from mine, and so I appreciate the courage and fortitude that you have had to overcome your past and be a Jesus follower! You are a hero to me!

    – – – – – – – – –

    Your comments about “On line brothers” or “off line brothers” we’re significant to me. Most of you thought “on line brotherhood” was very important…but agreed that face to face friends can’t be beat…

    I have straight friends, gay friends and SSA friends…and all are really Important to me. Most of my closest relationships (most vulnerable and open) are with “online brothers” who have SSA. They just “get me” without a lot of explanation. But I also have some really great “offline brothers” who know about my SSA and treat me like one of the guys. They are great and nothing beats a hug from a real guy who loves you and is not afraid to show it!

    Tim Timmerman wrote a book called, A Bigger World Yet – Faith, Brotherhood and Same-Sex Needs. He gives an example of Sam Keen’s experience of “brotherhood” in a men’s group. This is a quote from A Bigger World Yet:

    “The men in his (Sam’s) group listened to and challenged one another, and they were able to make different life choices when they received the support they needed from one another. Sam Keen goes on to write,

    ‘Within the community of men, I have learned that men’s loneliness is a measurement of the degree to which we have ignored the fundamental truth of interdependence… There is no way we can recover a secure sense of manhood without rediscovering the bonds that unite us to others and reaffirming our fidelity to the “We” that is an essential part of “I”. To pretend that a man standing tall and alone is virile is to base our view of manhood on a metaphysic of separation that has been shown to be an illusion to almost every advance of the physical and social sciences of our era.’

    Timmerman makes this conclusion:

    “…all men desire to have brothers who know them and walk with them in this life. Any man who would say he doesn’t is either asleep or dead.””

    Thanks for a great podcast! I love you! You are my other brothers. Alan

    • Matt ‘Ashįįhí

      Thank you man! I’m hoping to talk more about my past and elaborate on some stuff in the future with this podcast.

    • I love Timmerman’s book! I got to meet him a few years ago, back before I even knew who he was actually. Someday we’ll meet again and I can thank him for that awesome book he wrote.

  • Eddie

    A couple of definitions from Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary describe “brotherhood” as “feelings of friendship, support, and understanding between people” or as “a group or organization of people who have the same interests, jobs, etc.” These characteristics sum up what I consider relevant to both online and offline community.

    Based on what I consider online versus offline community and a recent post I submitted to Elliott’s “Male Touch” submission, the concept of
    brotherhood is a relative notion as to the relationships I encountered in my real life compared to cyberspace. I’m glad some of the authors expanded on this same relativity in the podcast from their own perspective within the YOB community versus their at-home friendships. Ideally speaking brotherhood is congregating and spending a sense of quality time with mutual acquaintances sharing a common experience or theme with open and honest dialogue. Geez!!! I sound like such an egghead!

    Well, getting back to the relative nature of brotherhood, it has been my experience that online and offline interactions are distinctly different aside from the cyber component. Online brotherhood that I’ve come to know here at YOB has allowed me to be open, honest and vulnerable as to my SSA tendencies. The blog forum has granted me a chance to unlock and express a lot of my personal and at times heart wrenching experiences that I have yet to disclose to my personal friends or family members. I think a big reason behind this is can be summarized into one statement: “You guys get me.” That makes a huge difference in letting down our guard where we can have some assurance that our struggles don’t fall on misinterpreted ears. I also find that we as an online community are more comfortable to express certain love languages amongst each other and possibly even physical intimacy (referring to hugging and the like, strictly platonic) if in-person encounters were arranged like the YOB retreat, for example.

    Presently, my offline world involves its own exchanges of love language that can be equated to mostly quality time. My guy friends and even female friends seek to connect in social gatherings that allow us to mingle and enjoy each other’s company. The guys also partake of homosocial” (add that one to your vocabulary!) activities where we head out to eat, take in a movie or watch a sporting event. It’s just another quality time occasion. It is only on special occasions do we offer gifts in celebration of birthdays or recently for me, graduation. Both these examples are great when appropriately timed and placed, but these real world friendships are either deficient or lack entirely any semblance of physical intimacy, words of affirmation or acts of service. This may all be due to a lack of necessity for no touching to occur or words to be said or acts to be performed because it is already understood how we feel towards each other and don’t need such loving reminders to sufficiently sustain our hearts and minds. Furthermore, I tend to see relationships carrying an undisclosed threshold that doesn’t desire truly deep intimacy among its constituents. Exclamations like “You don’t need to be an open book!” or “That’s too much information (TMI)!” come to mind. It’s true, I do hold back some stuff, but is it entirely heathy? I hope it is different elsewhere with others here.

    P.S. Matt, you sound so humble on the podcast. Wishing you well brother.

  • Karl Jacob

    Well, I got ahead of myself and already commented on this one on another post. One thing, though, as great as it was to have all you guys there, for some reason I kept getting some of your voices confused. Don’t get offended if I mix you guys up in my comments 🙂

    • Hopefully with enough practice and exposure, our voices will be more easily differentiated. I’m sure it’ll be rare when we have 6 voices on the same episode anyway.


    • Eddie

      We love you too Tom. *Hugs*

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  • Samuel M-Eshleman

    I definitely have appreciated listening to the podcast so far (mostly when I travel in the car). Toward the end of this episode, it sounded like you are considering opening up the retreat to other people in the future? Is that something that is being considered? …Peace
    Part of the reason that I mention this is because, in my experience, connecting online all the time can be difficult for people with SSA. For me, forming friendships with other men has not been a joyful journey…instead, it has been a painful journey of abuse/breaking trust/ and bullying. Rewriting that history is taking a while, and I know that it cannot fully be done online.

    • Glad you’re enjoying the show, Samuel! Traveling is great for podcasts. As for reader retreats, that’s something that could always happen in the future. Logistically, we’d have to work out a ton of stuff. But we shall see. If done right, it could be amazing. I’d only wanna do it if done right, though.

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