“Straight-baiting” has always fascinated me. If you don’t happen to know this term, it’s the act of tricking a heterosexual individual to engage in homosexual activities. The porn is super profitable, and it’s also a “dating” technique, though “pursuing” tactic may be more appropriate.
But what is so desirable about scoring with a guy who’s not attracted to other guys? It takes more work. It is not likely to happen. And it doesn’t bode well for a lasting and fulfilling relationship.
I myself used to long for a straight guy to “fall” for me back when I was searching out those attractions.
Perhaps it was the ultimate compliment. If a guy with no SSA desired me, then I was the epitome of sexuality. If a straight man could love me, any man could love me.
Perhaps it was a validation of masculinity. A straight guy’s sexual reception of me would mean I was truly a man. My long quest for accepting my own gender would be satisfied with who God had created me to be.
Perhaps, though, I had a longing for something natural that betrayed me. My longing for brotherly and fatherly love was left unfulfilled.
I began to believe that straight guys would not love or accept me without sexually related reasons.
The combination of all these things surely warped my view of sex. My view of nonsexual relationships between guys was also warped. I couldn’t “just be friends” with a guy without considering the possibility of sex. I had to be ready in case it became available; every male relationship had to be judged by that sexual factor.
Even after becoming a Christian and attempting to leave this mindset, I still held the residue of this view. Until recent years, this view dominated my life. In all honesty, relationships from the past year or so are some of the first that I have been able to not sexualize.
I praise God for that. No matter who you are or what lifestyle you pursue, sexualizing every relationship is unhealthy, detrimental to yourself and others. It will harm rather than help. And it only allows friendship to go so deep before you or the other individual begins feeling the pangs.
Knowing this now, it saddens me greatly to know how strong and widespread “straight-baiting” is. Our culture has become so sexualized that healthy male friendships struggle to be accepted without the presence of sexual attractions.
I pray this is a tide that can be turned before regular friendship itself becomes endangered.
Do you also struggle with sexualizing straight males and fantasies of straight-baiting? How do you de-sexualize other males and turn them into friendships that are healthy and true?
* Photo courtesy Transformer18, Creative Commons.