I’ve written about my childhood fascination with nudity and how it led me into the nudist world, making me act out my sexual insecurities. I’d go even deeper into the world of nudism, thinking it’d be the solution to my problems. While I did have a strongly sexual fascination with male nudity, I figured it was a conundrum.
What if I did partake in male nudity in a non-sexual setting? What if I could make my nudist desires feel more normal and less of a sexual fantasy?
I figured partaking in mutual nudity with other men as much as possible would probably work out my temptations for sexual sin, lessening over time.
Several years ago, I joined a gym and took personal training lessons to get my body into shape. I’d hoped I could try out some locker room nudity and make it feel more normal. Much to my dismay, I found out that most men, especially young men, will never use the showers at the gym and just wait until they get home.
Most of the men who did shower were wrinkled, droopy, old guys.
I’ve noticed this is a more modern attitude as nudity among men has been stigmatized as something homoerotic to be avoided. The older men still get naked and waltz around the locker room in their birthday suits because they come from a time when male nudity was normal.
This locker room revelation disappointed me, and I figured the only way I could experience mutual nudity was by connecting with other nudists.
I found a nudist website, and it seemed perfect. I created my own profile and began chatting with other nudist men my age. I always talked to guys who listed themselves as “straight,” as I couldn’t risk a guy who might objectify me or turn our relationship into something I wouldn’t want.
Unfortunately, I could never find any guys my age in the area; still, I’d spend hours chatting with naked guys across the country. Eventually, I worked up the nerve to Skype with a guy from the site, and I thought I would start off clothed when we started.
There he was, though, on cam: stark naked and very attractive.
We started off talking about normal things like what we did in our lives; at first, it seemed great.
Eventually, I relented and got naked with him on cam — an extreme rush.
The other naked guy then adjusted the cam downward and preceded to touch himself.
I couldn’t move. I wanted to turn off Skype and end it right there, but I couldn’t stop watching.
Finally, I spoke up and said, “You’re not doing this just to get off, are you?”
He sat up and looked at me through the cam, suddenly worried. “Did I freak you out?”
“Um . . . kind of,” I stammered.
“Ooohhhhhh, I did freak you out. I’m sorry . . .”
To his credit, he did seem genuinely sorry. We ended our chat there but picked up another chat later.
This time, he touched himself and I followed suit. Thus began a long cycle of many other “cam sessions” to come.
I found out that just about every “straight” nudist man wanted to jerk off on cam to the point that I realized most of them were either lying or in complete denial about their sexualities . . . myself included.
I had listed myself as “straight” to avoid any creeps or promiscuous gay men, but even that didn’t work.
While I talked to a few decent guys on that site, most just wanted to masturbate on cam.
They didn’t want to be intimate, know me, or share any vulnerabilities apart from the physical. All they wanted was to see my junk, get off, and move on.
I feel sad thinking of these men. Deep down, these nudists wanted to be loved in their most vulnerable states. They thought they had to be sexual to get any sort of attention or love — a futile attempt. I could tell some did want to connect with me as friends but thought sexually was the only way to do that.
I didn’t want this to keep happening. I just wanted a straight guy to accept me and love me in my most vulnerable state.
But in my “real life” I kept striking out with friendships left and right. Leaving me no other choice but the nudist sites, repeating the process all over again.
I persisted, hoping to find that one awesome guy who wouldn’t be a creep, accepting me in all my vulnerability. But it was only when I got a temporary job in a different city full of nudists and nude resorts that I’d get a taste of my desires in person.
To be continued . . .
Have you ever attempted to normalize nudity in places like the locker room? Have male nudity experiences helped or hindered you? Have you also sought out “vulnerability” and “connection” through a webcam? How has that resolved — or not? Share your appropriately edited stories below.
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Ditto! Wow. I’m right there with you. I don’t have the time right now to share my story, but my search was very similar with very similar results. Thank you for sharing.
You’re welcome! I’ve found my story to be similar with many other SSA guys I’ve met. I’ve met a lot of them who have experimented with nudity and nudism only to run into sexual encounters. Its actually quite common.
Male nudity has been a mixed bag for me. It has helped somewhat but I have had to be careful because a lot of people who call themselves nudist aren’t nudist. But I set my boundaries very clear. People who call themselves nudist but want sex are liars who need to be called on it. If they are honest enough to admit they are gay, I can accept them and not be naked with them but I cannot accept the dishonesty.
Jeff, I was checking out your “Disqus Profile”. I clicked on you name and some of, well one of you “frequented communities” was quite interesting. I guess I’m calling you out on that one. You might want to fix that.
Very true. I met another guy on one of the sites who said he was straight and had a girlfriend. He really acted like he wanted to be a brother with me and we were talking about meeting up. Later he admitted he had a boyfriend and blatantly asked me “are we gonna f***?” After that I called of the whole thing and dropped all contact with him after that.
Simply being naked with straight guys is not the answer. I’m not sure there is an answer unless you can look yourself in the mirror, naked or otherwise, and love what God has made. Being accepted as one of the guys on the straight team is nice. The problem is….I’m not straight and neither are you.
I do not really like to be naked in front of anybody. Even when I was sexually active in a relationship 38 years ago, I did not like being completely exposed to my partner. There is more to it than merely nakedness being associated with sexuality. To be naked is to be vulnerable. It’s even possible to feel naked even when you’re fully clothed. I really hate that.
It really isn’t about our bodies. I think it’s about our minds, maybe even our souls. Being comfortable naked is easy when it’s associated with freedom and security and a sense of self that is not self centered. It becomes a burden when we think that others are viewing our nakedness and somehow knowing who and what we are through our exposure. We do not want anyone but God to know us in that way and I think, if we could, there would be secrets we would keep from Him too.
We cannot draw our sense of self from others and what they think of us. It has to come from within. Becoming transparent to the people you love and sharing who you are is better than nudity in overcoming fear. Not everyone will want to play that game because they are afraid to get that naked. I guess what I’m saying is practice some spiritual nudity. You may not like what you see at first, but with some exercise you will begin to look a whole lot better to others and to yourself.
You make some good points. It is true that simply being naked with people won’t necessarily “fix” you. And I agree that you don’t have to be naked with someone in order to be completely close or vulnerable with them. You can be super close with someone without seeing them naked. However, I feel it still can be a good expression of vulnerability and intimacy with someone. Especially if its someone you know well. If its some guy you just meet online or shower next to at the gym, then yeah you’re not gonna get any closer with them even if you don’t know their name.
Controlled and limited nudity has helped- essentially, normalized acceptance of shirts being off. I haven’t found that exposed privates helped me out personally. However, I believe one should strive to control their thoughts so that the mere sight of a man’s privates does not bring on lunging lust. But I don’t know that I’ve found success in fighting that battle via exposure therapy. Thank you for sharing your story, Eugene. Looking forward to how it continues in your next post!
Thanks Dean! Mutual nudity is definitely not for everyone, but I would say shirtlessness is something everyone should at least try.
Dean,
Like you I would say that shirtlessness can sometimes be appropriate but not full nudity.
I live in a house with seven guys and all of them are totally straight except me. The weather has been hot recently and many of them will walk around without a shirt on. The guy I share a room with usually sleeps shirtless. These guys have become my friends and somehow that helps me avoid sexual thoughts when I see them without a shirt. I don’t want lust to mess up our friendship, so I am motivated to control my thoughts.
I won’t lie (and I’m not judging) but I find the entire concept bizarre. If you feel like God is calling you towards such, good for you, but the thought of nudity HELPING is beyond me. I think of it as something that would destroy me. As I see it, just because society made something taboo doesn’t mean we need to “un-taboo” it. I’m perfectly fine with the fact that I will probably never see any one of my guy friends bodies, because it’s a taboo and one that I think helps avoid temptation. You don’t have to be naked to be accepted, and most straight guys don’t get naked in front of their straight friends anyway, at least where I’m from. But alas, this is only me, and I am not one to say what will or won’t help another person. But I just can’t help thinking that the concept of using nudity to HELP SSA as a strange and unnatural concept.
To be frank I feel that it has been helpful to me and I will go into detail in future blogs why I felt it was helpful. Its not for everyone and I’m certainly not saying that it will “fix” people or “cure” them of their SSA or whatnot. But I feel like it can be helpful in other ways, which again I will go into detail about later.
As for straight guys, history has shown that there was a time where all men got naked in front of each other at some point and was considered no big deal. School and YMCA swimming pools had strict nudity required rules for swimming for boys. And in the past most schools had mandatory showering after gym classes in gang showers. Views on same sex nudity have shifted over generations.
To address your first point, this is why I stated that some may feel called for it. Good for them. I do find it, however, to be the opposite direction I would take. It reminds me of how some therapists would have you stop watching gay porn by watching straight porn instead, when really removing temptation is the only way to avoid falling into it. And your second point is exactly what I was talking about. There was a time and there still are places where nudity is a norm. This does not mean we need to fight for nudity or something; I don’t see how that’s relevant. People also used to speak Latin, but that doesn’t mean today’s society needs to speak Latin. I’m not against nudity, but I see no reason why a cultural acceptance of it is needed, and I am EXTREMELY careful to say that it is helpful for SSA people, as I feel that many (not all) think that it is helping them when really it is their own deception. I don’t see how normalizing nudity would benefit us (it wouldn’t hurt probably, but what’s the point in reversing a normal that’s not important). God invented clothing in Genesis to cover Adam and Eve, so clearly clothing is not sinful, so I am sceptical to say that “we need to reverse the taboo on nudity”. If anything I think it might actually be a good thing for those of us who are easily tempted.
Hey, Eugene, I look forward to seeing more of your story. Keep sharing! But again I don’t see how what people did in the past is relevant to today. I see no reason why any taboo needs to be lifted.
I consider myself a nudist, and enjoy the times when I am able to be naked. Given the way society has changed (regrettably, IMO) from the times when male nudity was commonplace in swimming pools and showers, it generally amounts to being “Naked and Alone.” Several years ago I met a guy online who expressed a liking for being naked. Eventually, he was able to visit me at my home and we enjoyed being naked together — chatting, watching baseball on TV, preparing and eating meals: IOW doing stuff we’d have done with our clothes on. I can’t explain exactly why it was satisfying to be naked with him, but it may have somehow provided a sort of validation of our liking for nudity. There was nothing consciously sexual about it.
But even though I see nothing inherently wrong with casual nudity, there is the question of lust. Certainly, we should not seek to look upon others with lust, nor should we be naked for the purpose of provoking lust in others.
Backstory. Growing up, I somehow came to think that non-compulsory nudity was sinful. But when I was auditing a college course on sacraments, the monk who was teaching it got to the point of people being baptized naked in the early centuries of Christianity, and he insisted that simple nudity is not wrong or “dirty,” as a student had called it. (More recently, I’ve learned that Pope St. John Paul II had the same opinion.) This freed me to revise my earlier assumption.
Right, I definitely agree that the naked body is not dirty or shameful. I think its really up to us if we make it dirty or shameful.
And I agree that there is something freeing and satisfying when you’re naked with a friend without any conscious sexual thoughts about it. I’ll get more into that later with my experiences.
After college working at a firm, some of the guys would take an hour at lunch and play racquetball. Most of the guys were young too and married while I was still trying to figure things out. We’d hit the showers or steam after and it was just natural, you’d talk and make jokes. Maybe cause the guys were straight or in their 20s and had just moved past any shame or questions, or probably because we were all friends, no one ever seemed to notice or be embarrassed being naked. It was good being with other guys and it not be sexual. Somewhere on my own in the showers with other guys who weren’t friends became a challenge so I stopped showering at the gym. I don’t know if I was ever ashamed of my body, but I carried huge shame getting aroused in the showers or locker room, and I wanted to hide and I did. Today, I don’t know if male nudity would do anything helpful for not getting aroused and ashamed, and it won’t take me back to the time I wasn’t. I don’t even think being naked with other guys and not being aroused is even any answer to what I’m longing for.
There’s an OT word, yasha, that means to be open and free and safe. That’s the longing, to not to hide anymore and it be ok, there’s freedom in that that really satisfies deep down. Yasha is the word for save, like in the Psalms ‘save me.’ Brothers can and should help each other to the max but I’m thinking being physically naked with other guys won’t give me the safety and freedom that I really want. Jeff below mentioned spiritual nudity. I think that’s what being saved means, that in Christ we can enter in a real way into being open, safe and free.
That is very true, one thing I’ve had a hard time with is being naked with guys I don’t know as opposed to being naked with my friends. When I’m with my friends I go out of my way not to sexualize it because I love them. But with strangers I don’t know who they are so I guess some part of me thinks it acceptable to lust after them. This is another thing I will cover down the line.
It’s true isn’t it. Even in college in the frat, we’d horse around or skinny dip and it was ok. I don’t know why it became so sexual with strangers, it just would feel that way even when nothing would happen. I thought part of it had to do with being on my own with strangers, I just did better with friends.
Eugene, I forgot to mention how much I enjoyed your writing, it’s really honest. I hadn’t been checking in recently but I’m looking forward to what you have to say.
In short, I do have some cause to believe that exposure therapy (as Dean puts it) did help me some in college for being naked in locker room or shower stalls. As I posted before I would suffer from anxiety being naked and like bluzhawk this turned into arousal. I was feeling fearful and had a boner at the same time? Yeah, figure that one out for me. Yet this fear was all in my head and slowly but surely I got less anxious in the showers and locker rooms. In this respect it helped, but I still have SSA. I’m still drawn to guys and their masculine qualities, yet intellectually I keep having to remind myself that they are people and not objectify them.
I’ve been to South Korea and Japan and was tricked into going to the spas there. All the men are nude and sitting in hot water. It was weird at first but became a place where I felt equal to all the men there. Later I took friends and it was a place for us to bond. I think it helped me face body shame issues and desexualize not only other men’s nudity but also my own. But it’s also not something I feel like I have to do. It helped some things but I’ve found significant healing from knowing and being known – with a few good friends and my wife.
I too don’t feel obligated to engage in nude activities either. It’s nice when they occur and it’s a shared experience with friends as a bonding moment (as you put it). Certainly I want more such experiences in the near future, but with mutual platonic understanding.
You wrote: Have you ever attempted to normalize nudity in places like the locker room? Have male nudity experiences helped or hindered you? Have you also sought out “vulnerability” and “connection” through a webcam? How has that resolved — or not? Share your appropriately edited stories below.
I had bad experiences in locker rooms when I was younger–body shame and a lot of voyeurism that fed my SSA. Now, I have made peace with that. It helps to be included with heterosexual friends in a non-sexual context to make nudity seem normal. I would like to suggest a good podcast by another SSA guy, Richard Padilla, at this link: http://www.the4tsandthechurch.com/4ts-podcast-1/ Check out episode 3. I now go to the sauna with my friends and have no body shame and I don’t objectify the men I see and I don’t fantasize about them. Yes, I still look at them. I understand that even straight guys with no SSA look at other men naked. Ah well.
Having more or less answered the first two question, I come to the third. This one is hard for me to answer vulnerably. Twice I have done the webcam and I regret it. It is just a step of acting out beyond porn…not a real connection or vulnerability with a real human. It has the illusion of intimacy, but is not. I have resolved this. It was sin. I don’t ever want to do it again. It was lust. I have repented. I feel shame to admit what I did, but if my regret might help another know the consequences of this…and prevent it, I gladly share this.
Thanks for sharing it Alan.
A truly healthy perspective, Alan! And thanks for sharing that 4T’s link with us as well… lots of great info there too.
Godspeed, brother!
My job sometimes involves travel, and over time I’ve been able to stay at some very nice resort hotels. These places invariably have well-equipped fitness centers and spas; the latter are usually sex-segregated. I’ve loved saunas ever since I was first introduced to them in college and have always believed–contrary to most American practice–that they are meant to be a naked indulgence. And yet the reality of being naked, visible in all my imperfections, my insecurities laid literally bare, is daunting. Still, on these occasions I’ve been able to screw up my courage and try to lay aside, for awhile, my inhibitions, but with only limited success. For one thing, being naked someplace other than my own bathroom frequently brings on an erection, at least to start. I’ve never (so far) been able to throw caution to the wind and traverse the space from lockers to sauna without the concealment of a towel, but once inside I can sit on a top bench and use the towel not to hide but to protect (that wood gets hot). After about 10 minutes or so, of course, the Rules of Sauna dictate a quick plunge under a cold shower; the dash back to the dark heat feels almost like streaking. Most of the time, these facilities are infrequently attended by other guests; only on a few occasions have I had company. One older Asian man, obviously very comfortable in his own skin, sat cross-legged in a corner opposite me, and we exchanged some verbal pleasantries. Another time, an American about my own age entered the sauna after I did and the conversation was again light and pleasant. I’ve never had–or sought–any sexual encounter despite the occasional willfulness of my penis, and never witnessed anything like that going on. But even in the company of strangers, there is something very personal and soulful and human about stripping–literally–to essentials and sharing in a luxurious creature comfort.
Like others I’ve read here, I grew up in an earlier America that still permitted (required) full showering after gym class, although strangely that changed when my family moved from west coast to east coast; hardly anybody used the showers after gym in my New England middle school, which I found weird after my transfer there, but then you get used to the new culture. Also, east coast guys routinely kept their undershorts on for gym instead of being made to wear a supporter (at my previous school, we had “jock inspection,” in which we were required to pull out one leg strap to show the coach you were in compliance), and I got laughed at for changing completely during my first week or two, until the handwriting on the wall became more legible and I knuckled under to the demands of my new group. One guy in high school did wear a jock, but over his briefs. Figure that one out. I understand that this avoidance of nudity even in the company of one’s same-sex peers is now widespread in the culture, largely because of the forced (false) correlation between nudity and sexuality. It’s ironic and really stupid that one casualty of the Sexual Revolution has been honesty about our bodies.
When I was at college (more years ago now than I care to admit), there was another guy living in my dorm, a Christian a year older than me, with whom I was spending more and more of our free time and enjoying his company. I really wanted to develop the relationship, deepen the intimacy. As Thanksgiving break approached, I hit on the idea of inviting him home with me for the weekend–he was from out of state and typically spent the lonely holidays at school, while home was just a short hour away for me. He accepted the invitation, maybe somewhat reluctantly as my family lived in a very rural part of the state and, truth be told, there wasn’t an awful lot to do. But anyway, we got home and bunked up in my room–he had the bed, I took the floor in a sleeping bag. The thought formed in my head that since we were temporary roommates I shouldn’t act any differently than I normally would, and it was only natural that I should change clothes if it was appropriate. So one morning I did; without making a big deal of it, I stripped off my T-shirt and shorts and put clean ones on. He’d never to that point seen me naked, and it was just for a few seconds, and morning wood had dissipated (praise God), but the room was small and we were kind of standing in close proximity. I think it might have weirded him out. He never said anything, but I picked up on his discomfort and certainly did not try it again. When the next year’s holiday break rolled around, he didn’t accept another invite and I didn’t push it. Not much fun when you put yourself out there and get smacked down, even if quietly. We stayed friends and continued to do a lot of things together. We still exchange cards at Christmas time. But I always regret that Thanksgiving holiday; might have been better just to let him stay at school.
I applaud you for taking the risk, Kenny… I believe that’s how it should be between guys. And truth is, you really can’t know what he was thinking, or if that was actually the reason he turned down your invite the next year. And if you’re anything like me, I tend to imagine the worst-case scenario as to guessing the “whys” of certain interactions, anyway.
Seems to me that if it had wierded him out, then you wouldn’t have continued in friendship, or in exchanging Christmas cards and such, either.
Greetings Eugene,
I ran across this “Your Other Brother’s” site by accident. And I’m glad I did. I’ve been having these same issues regarding “nudity”. I am nude at home on occasion when the weather is warm and sticky, and enjoy being on my enclosed balcony being nude.
I come from a childhood background of being ashamed of my body, and it must be due to the sexual abuse, and physical, emotional abuse from my mother.
I have always compared myself with other men, at one time I thought I should have been a girl. But by the Grace of God, as an adult I did not take that any farther.
I find I would like to be nude with other men to feel at one with my body, there is such a deep sense of “dislocation” of my self acceptance, I only feel safe with men. Could not be comfortable with “nude women” around so I do think a “Nudist area”, would be out of question.
Well, that is part of my story, and I thank you for bringing forth this discussion, it truly helps to assist in letting free hidden fears or questions concerning these type of issues.
I look forward to your next article concerning this topic!
Thank you…..the Lord bless you.
Hi cctech! Thanks for sharing your story. That definitely brings an interesting side to it, since you weren’t sure you felt like a man. But when you’re naked with your fellow men then it starts to feel normal and not like a big deal. And you feel like you’re with other people who are physically not too different from you. And yeah, I would not recommend going to nudist areas, even though I tried it I felt like it wasn’t best for me.
And you’re welcome! I’m not sure if you’ve read them yet but I have 3 more blog posts following this one in this little series where I talk about nudity. Go ahead and check them out if you haven’t.
Hi this is a great article. I’m a straight guy, and discovered an enjoyment of social nudity when I lived in Japan, where communal bathing is a large part of the culture. It was one of the few situations in Japan where i felt equal and comfortable. You can read about my experiences here: https://mrmatthewruddle.wordpress.com/2017/10/02/naked-in-japan/
In my younger days I also enjoyed skinny dipping with my best mate, and later on I regularly went to a nudist beach in Canada. I have never found public nudity to be sexual, but I understand that some people may struggle with that. I think that social nudity can really help people with body image and acceptance.
Wow, thank you so much for providing your perspective as a straight guy Matthew! I’ve found that most modern American straight men will shy away from nudity while SSA guys like us will kind of be obsessed over it. But yeah I agree, I feel it has helped my body image and acceptance immensely. I think it also helps me feel more masculine and manly when you see that most other men have not too dissimilar equipment downstairs.
You’re welcome. When we’re naked, we’re all essentially the same 🙂
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