YOBcast Episode 017: Gay Perceptions, Part 2

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What does our culture deem as “gay,” and do our hobbies and interests dictate our sexuality? 

In the second of our two-part episode, Tom and Elliott conclude this conversation on gay perceptions: particularly how our passions and preferences often impact what culture has to say about what’s “gay” and what isn’t.

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Enjoy the episode below! And don’t forget to comment: do you have any hobbies or interests stereotypically labeled “gay”? Do you embrace these passions or do you find shame in any further pursuits? What are your cultural experiences regarding gay perceptions in your home or in your global travels?

And, most importantly, which do you prefer: “Jewel of the Blue Ridge” or “Land of the Sky”?

Links from the show:

Tom’s posts: https://www.yourotherbrothers.com/author/tom/

Elliott’s posts: https://www.yourotherbrothers.com/author/elliott/

Richard Rohr’s From Wild Man to Wise Man: Reflections on Male Spirituality: http://amzn.to/2ubZTYI

Do I Sound Gay? documentary: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Duv3lYhOy-A

  • Kevin Frye

    Definitely “Jewel of the Blue Ridge.” It’s says more about Asheville, its location, and how it’s made distinct. “Land of the Sky” is kind of generic. There could be a lot of lands in the world that are of the sky.

    YOBTube. Yes. Will there be a new logo made for that, like the boys in the paper airplane that represent the YOBcast?

    Having lived in Japan for several years now, I can tell you that your perception of stoic Asian men is mostly correct. There’s an old saying in Japanese that says a man should never smile or laugh so much that his teeth show. Of course people don’t pay much heed to that idea anymore, but there is still some residue of that left in the culture here. What I find interesting is that wearing makeup, taking a bath with your friends, being very thin, having stylish clothes, and taking a lot of care of your hair and appearance are not connected to one’s sexual orientation at all. A man can do or be all of those things here and nobody would think he’s gay. But showing positive emotions, doing housework, cooking, helping your family, sometimes being good at handicrafts, and not drinking alcohol are often telltale signs in the Japanese culture of whether or not a man might be gay, or at least cause to be perceived as weak or more effeminate, less masculine.

    • THANK YOU, KEVIN. You know what’s up. (I’m referring to your affinity for “Jewel of the Blue Ridge” over any of your actually meaningful content/perspective from Japan.)

  • Ashley Lavergne

    So much to say. I like how y’all brought up culture cause it’s true that different cultures have different tells. Like I never really felt all that self conscious about it til I lived in south America. Before then it was never an issue. (BTW you should totally look up an article called “lesbians created hispters). Anyway, I found it interesting that more coastal/carribean cultures have more vain/style conscious men (Brazil, cuba, Colombia). Most men in colombia do manicures and even thugs and street types know how to take care of their nails. They usually dress very nice and almost always have their hair done and what not because looks culturally important.
    I guess I was more telling because where I was tended to be more traditional and my look aint that I guess. Also latinos many times have this perception that Americans and europeans are serious and keep to themselves are cold and not touchy feely but when I would have close female friends I would be quite opposite that, but I think that’s just a slight misconception because they haven’t known many in intimate settings. I dont know why it was more obvious for people over there (though not extremely) but it was. Maybe cause I’m just not super girly and here that is more common. What do they percieve as gay for men? Again, depends on where you are but a lot of the same stuff. Being overly emotional, how you talk, interests, etc.

    • Love your perspective from South America, Ashley. Always so fascinating for me to hear these other stories outside the US. One day I’ll see it for myself.

  • Ashley Lavergne

    And I liked “land of the sky”

  • Eugene Heffron

    I vote for Jewel of the Blue Ridge. Why would it be land of the sky? The mountains are so high there you can’t even see the sky all that much.

  • Brandon Parrish

    First off, definitely like jewel of the blue ridge better. Anyways, I have also always been very artistic and creative. My parents were good and supportive of my creativeness because my dad is also more on the artistic side. I took a lot of art classes like drawing, painting, photography, and stuff of the sort. I got into dance when I was around 11 and loved it! I think it’s cool that you are really into dance, Elliott, I am right there with you! Most of the dancing I did was ballet so I definitely got picked on and made fun of for that growing up. As I got older though, people became more accepting of it and some even thought it was pretty cool. I think dance can be used for so much, like you said with worship or other things. The fact the the fruit of the spirit are considered to be more feminine was so fascinating and made so much sense. A friend and I are actually leading a high school guys Bible study and we are going through the fruit of the spirit right now, hopefully we can really go into how men should exhibit the fruit too, and not just women.

    • Another vote for Blue Ridge! Awesome. Thanks for sharing some of your masculine journey, Brandon. You’re as much of a man as anyone else. Grateful for your perspective.

  • C. Marque

    Maybe it’s time to dream up a new slogan for Asheville! 😀
    On a note pertinent to the podcast… I thought the part about the fruit of the Spirit adjectives being feminine was pretty crazy.
    Is there any way to get more info on the people that shared that at Elliot’s school?
    It’s time to man up and own those fruits!
    I really enjoyed these last two podcasts. 🙂

    • Crazy indeed. Time to reclaim the fruit, men! Glad you enjoyed these episodes, C. Miss you brotherrr.

  • Michael


    *mic drop*

  • Alan Gingery

    Enjoy the episode below! And don’t forget to comment: do you have any hobbies or interests stereotypically labeled “gay”? Do you embrace these passions or do you find shame in any further pursuits? What are your cultural experiences regarding gay perceptions in your home or in your global travels?

    i prefer “Jewel of the Blue Ridge”.

    I am a gender non-conforming guy. It was a problem when I was younger and I was bullied for doing girlie things and not liking masculine things, most notably being unalthletic.

    So, I designed and sewed my wife’s wedding dress, I cook and bake, I like to grow plants and arrange flowers, I am artistic and paint. Now, in mature age, (I’m over 60), I can boast of these things as accomplishments. I have no shame in having talents and interests that are different from the cultural masculine norm. I still don’t play sports, but I enjoy watching sports with my mates. I love hiking, fishing, camping and keeping physically fit. I try to exercise at least 3 times a week for 30 minutes. I am glad to report that I feel fully masculine and fully male without the need to try to conform to stereotypes. I can also show affection to men or women more freely at my age and not worry that it will be considered inappropriate. There are some advantages to growing older!

    I obviously don’t want to be judged, so I do my best not to judge others.

    I have lived abroad for the last 20 years and can definitely say that in both my home culture and host culture there are some stereotypes of masculinity for each culture and that non-conformity provides challenges to men with SSA and/or non-conforming straight guys. Secular culture can take two extremes: complete affirmation of gays or complete rejection of gays. Thus perception that a person is gay (typically defined by behavior, manner and interests) can affect his life strongly.

    I think pressure to conform to non-Biblical masculine roles and bullying of homosexuals has no place among the Christian community, but unfortunately Christians can quite easily adopt non-Christian attitudes from the secular culture. That often takes two extremes: completely accepting homosexual identity as compatible with Christian beliefs (or) legalistic rejection of all homosexuals and expelling them from fellowship within the church. I believe in a middle ground. Love the sinner, but hate the sin.

  • Emily Gruver

    This was really interesting!

    One thing I’ve become very self-conscious about has been my posture and the way I sit. I don’t sit “lady-like” at all. And I’ve noticed how differently I sit compared to my other female friends.

    I sometimes feel self-conscious about sports as well. Growing up, I absolutely loved watching and playing sports. And then I realized none of my female friends had any desire for sports. I guess it made me feel more so much more like a tomboy.

  • Montana Guy

    Enjoy your Podcast

    Montana is the “Big Sky”,