I’ve written before about having never been kissed. But that doesn’t mean someone’s never tried to kiss me.
Back when I was befriending this fellow blogger who liked to hold my hand, I’d had fantasies about what it would be like: kissing him, fooling around in my car. Never anything romantic or long-term — just a passing thrill to satisfy my starving imagination.

I’d never done anything with another guy.

We had such a good time hugging in the rain and such, and we quickly scheduled a second hangout. A month later, this guy came to visit me, and we repeated much of the same ritual: lunch, hand-holding, and a round of frisbee golf fraught with hugs.

It was a hot summer day, and he took off his shirt somewhere between holes 5 and 10. He was attractive with a nice body, and it was hard to look away. I could tell he wanted me to look. I intentionally walked ahead of him twenty paces between holes to avoid the constant hand-holding and hugging.

The way he looked at me, the way he talked with me seemed evenΒ flirtier than last time. It bothered me.

We finished our game and returned to my car, and he reached for my hand on the driving wheel and held it. He sat shirtless beside me, and I wondered how far this would go. Part of me wanted more; part of me most certainly did not.

By day’s end, we found ourselves sitting on a bench by a lake. Nobody else was around, and as he held my hand he set his head on my shoulder.

More escalating heartbeats. More thoughts and flurries.

Was this okay? Was this too far? How much touch was too much touch?

“You have such strong arms,” he told me, feeling them.

“Thanks?” I said, shifting in my seat.

We sat in silence for the longest time, his head on my shoulder, our hands clasped as one. The whole time we sat there, I wondered what lines I was crossing or at least toeing. I’d never experienced such perpetual physical closeness with someone, another man. I felt like a starship delving into a new frontier.

Then, without any provocation, the guy sat up from my shoulder and looked at me. I looked at him.

He leaned toward my lips, his eyes closing.

“No!” I said, leaping back, turning my face away as his lips neared mine. I let go of his hand and heard him groan in disbelief.

I don’t remember much after that failed kiss. I remember saying, “I love you too much for that,” or something. I remember walking back to my car. I remember his continuing to hold my hand as I drove him back to his car. I remember our hug goodbye as he filled up on gas.

And I remember never seeing him again.

I tried to stay in touch with him. I did enjoy our conversations and friendship, overly flirtatious though it was. But I think he checked out after his botched kiss. I suppose I can’t blame him.

We stayed somewhat connected online until I saw him start dating some guy, and that was basically the end of that friendship. We haven’t talked since.

I’ve relived his kiss attempt countless times over the years; it’s still the closest I’ve ever been to kissing anyone.

I wonder what would have happened had I accepted his kiss. How different things would be, how much more complicated my life and relationships and especially friendships with other SSA guys would be.

But the fact remains that I did not accept his kiss. For all my raging curiosity, I turned my face away with such an automatic reflex that still surprises me to this day.

I know my heart ultimately did not want a kiss with another guy. And everything else a kiss with another guy entails.

I’ve since realized that my heart longs for brotherhood, not a boyfriend. I’ve experienced health and healing in the confines of a man and men walking beside me, praying over me, hugging me, setting a hand to my shoulder, telling me I’m a warrior.

Not by kissing me. Not by having his way with me.

Not by sacrificing my convictions.

Thirty years on this planet, and I’ve never been kissed — though I still fantasize about it. Sure, someone tried it on me once. Someone as attractive as I could have ever hoped “my first” to be.

But I didn’t go for it. I just didn’t really want it.

Raging fantasies aside, I can’t help feeling I deserve something else, something better.

Did your first kiss meet, exceed, or fail to meet expectations? How do you reconcile short-term fantasies and the long-term reward? How has true brotherhood helped heal the wounded parts of you?

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    38 Comments
    • Reply Kevin Frye

      21 August 2017, 12:54 am

      I talked some about my first kiss in my book, and that being with a guy. At the time, I didn’t see it as erotic or homosexual at all, and neither did he. We were just two friends who wanted to be close, and we thought kissing might be good way to show our affection for each other. Neither of us had ever kissed or been kissed by anyone before, so we were each other’s firsts. Neither of us really knew what we were doing; we were just trying to do what seemed like it should be okay (and what felt so, so good) and hoped it would all turn out to actually be okay.
      At first it did seem fine, but kissing him quickly escalated into making out, which was addictive. It was addictive to get so much intense love and affection from another guy — a manly dude — and to know that he knew about me and my issues and accepted me anyway. Still, after some time of developing this addiction, something didn’t feel right. I began to get nauseated at the thought of kissing him again. I began to realize then, and it took years even after our break-up for me to fully understand, that it wasn’t the kissing and the feel-ups and the nudity that I wanted so badly. It was the love. It was the masculinity. It was the affirmation. And although it seemed like at the time that they should have, kissing and groping couldn’t give me that stuff. They just gave me a boner. And that’s something I didn’t need Jake to give me.

      • Reply Thomas Mark Zuniga

        22 August 2017, 11:16 am

        Thanks for sharing, Kevin! I always admire your ability to tell it like it is.

      • Reply Asher

        1 September 2017, 5:46 pm

        I’ve always felt sharply ambivalent about this. On the one hand, the thought of kissing a guy just sounds gross. But, there’s always been a certain guilty fascination too, thinking “what would it really be like?” (Which is kind of disturbing, since like Kevin I’m happily married). Your post Tom, and Kevin’s, clarified for me that the fascination is really only a longing for connection and brotherhood. Thanks for sharing Tom, and I admire your ability to protect your convictions! Praying that we all find the brotherhood we need.

    • Reply Steve Boyer

      21 August 2017, 7:26 am

      Great post Tom. While it might not “feel” like turning away was the right move, as far as walking as a Godly man is concerned, it was golden. Each compromise we make starts us down a slippery slope. You done good!
      If 30 years seems like a long time to go without a kiss, try 60! Yes I’ve often wondered what it would really feel like the passionately kiss someone I cared for. But I never experienced it and as I said earlier each compromising step leads us down a slippery slope. While I wonder what that would really feel like I’m certainly glad in the long run I never experienced it. It would just be a memory to add to my temptations and struggled.

    • Reply Ashley Lavergne

      21 August 2017, 9:49 am

      I think this is an interesting phenomenon that is occurring more and more with our generation on out – knowing and acknowledging our attractions while never having experimented with another person. me neither! never came close though.
      and that being said I have a food for thought question that I’ve chewing on for some time: do you think there is a connect between the generation right before us wanting to abandon all things that connect them to their attractions when they “return” to their faith and those of us never having left and the way we talk about / describe our attractions? (ex: aversion to labels, talking about attractions in their current life at all)?

      • Reply Thomas Mark Zuniga

        22 August 2017, 11:11 am

        Ashley, I feel like I say this every time you comment, but I am so glad you’re here. You have such a unique perspective that goes far beyond your woman-ness to our male-ness. I’m curious to see how folks analyze our two generations another generation removed from now.

      • Reply Thomas Mark Zuniga

        22 August 2017, 11:11 am

        Ashley, I feel like I say this every time you comment, but I am so glad you’re here. You have such a unique perspective that goes far beyond your woman-ness to our male-ness. I’m curious to see how folks analyze our two generations another generation removed from now.

        • Reply Ashley Lavergne

          25 August 2017, 2:49 pm

          maybe every other time I comment lol. thanks too. it encourages me to keep participating when I know I’m amidst a bunch of guys and not always sure if they even want to know what I think

          • Reply Eddie

            27 August 2017, 6:59 pm

            I’d be the first to admit around here I don’t have all the answers as well. Please keep contributing/commenting here. I’d love to hear your thoughts and perspective.

    • Reply Dean Samuels

      21 August 2017, 12:36 pm

      My first almost kiss was a roommate of mine in college. He leaned in and I had a similar reaction to yours, Tom. And my first kiss was not how I wanted it. At all. Didn’t even know the guy’s name.
      Love your story, Tom. Thank you for sharing.

    • Reply Cooper Scott

      21 August 2017, 6:21 pm

      I have never had a kiss or an almost kiss with any guy, the only time I have ever had a kiss was when I was still convinced I could be ‘normal’ and straight despite my same sex attractions by just dating a girl instead. It was in that relationship and kiss that I started to realize that my same sex attraction was not only an attraction to guys, but in fact that I did not like girls. So, for me, talks about kisses and first kisses just remind me of the time I learned that I really DON’T enjoy kissing girls! So that’s fun. πŸ˜€

    • Reply Joshua Beck

      21 August 2017, 6:50 pm

      My first kiss was after I had sex with a guy last year. Like the sex, it gave me the love and acceptance I was starving for at the time. Of course, all it did was make the hole in my heart bigger. Still looking for that true brotherhood at my new school…

    • Reply Michael

      21 August 2017, 11:45 pm

      A few years ago, a closeted gay man at work asked me to join him for coffee as we left the office. I didn’t know at the time that he was gay, but he had picked up on my “gay” perceptions, while I hadn’t picked up on his, and so I joined him. About twenty minutes into the conversation, I realized his true intentions, and then I spent the following twenty minutes hoping he wouldn’t dare go where he was obviously headed. And then he did. Awkward. I denied having any attraction to men. I had recently started my Boundaries journey, so I was still in the early stages of learning how to say no to people, and it took me another hour to wiggle my way out of the conversation and make a beeline for my car in the parking lot; ironically, I missed a Boundaries support group meeting that night and later followed up with my counselor, who was leading the session, to explain my absence. Looking back, while he accurately perceived my SSA, I think he was also hoping to exploit my boundary-less self, and knew it.
      The man had recently broken up with his boyfriend of eight years, but they were still living together. He invited me to his house that night to “show me his renovations,” but I easily declined. He was on the rebound and further looking to exploit me to incite jealousy in his long-term partner. When I told him that I wasn’t actually gay (which IS true), he pleaded with me to keep his secret. I promised and have never told another soul. Beyond that, how would I even begin to explain how I found out about his sexuality?
      All of that to say…I did not find him attractive, at all. But, I shudder to think where and how far I would have gone that evening if he fit “my type.” Fortunately, at the time I was still very much in the process of “coming out” to myself, and was therefore in denial about my struggle and hoped to keep pushing it down out of existence. In the past few years, however, as I have come to acknowledge that I am, in fact, attracted to other men, the struggle has actually become more difficult. I assume there’s a plateau where acknowledgement of SSA and the desire to act on it become more balanced but, in all honesty, if I had the same encounter with a man “my type” today, I’m not sure I could trust myself to make the right choice. It would be a moment where I would have to completely depend on God’s strength. The flesh is so weak.
      I have also endured a few more relational heartaches since that encounter a few years ago which might be contributing to the increased SSA desires I’ve felt, but I’ve still never acted on any desires nor have I done *anything* with the opposite or same-sex. Does it make sense that there is an initial pendulum swing in the other direction (toward lust/desire) when you’ve finally admitted your SSA to yourself? Is it typical?
      Tom:
      Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling,
      And to present you faultless
      Before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy,
      To God our Savior,
      Who alone is wise,
      Be glory and majesty,
      Dominion and power,
      Both now and forever.
      Amen.
      (Jude 24-25)

    • Reply D M

      22 August 2017, 9:34 am

      Thanks for sharing this personal story Tom. I’m curious about your experience in kissing that isn’t mouth-to-mouth? Like on the cheek, forehead, or shoulder? Have you experienced or wanted to experience that kind of kissing?

      • Reply Thomas Mark Zuniga

        22 August 2017, 11:06 am

        I’ve been kissed on the cheek, forehead, and top o’ the head. It honestly doesn’t do much for me. I’m pretty sure the mystery of a kiss on the lips feels more appealing than the kiss itself.

    • Reply Brandon Graves

      22 August 2017, 1:12 pm

      True brotherhood gives me the validation which I used to seek in the arms of another man, the validation that I, too, am also a man, a man who has value and is important in the advancement of the Kingdom. These men are there to give me a guiding light to look for as well as to help me up when I stumble.
      During the 4 years where I was lying to myself in what it was I truly needed, the act of kissing another man was there to give me the connection that I was so desperate for, a connection that seemed further away each and every time I kissed another guy. It took moving from where I had a comfortable life established for me to understand what it was I truly needed

      • Reply Thomas Mark Zuniga

        23 August 2017, 2:04 pm

        I’ve heard similar stories, Brandon — the drifting “further away” feeling with every repeated attempt. Grateful for your story and this reminder to pursue the true desires of my heart.

    • Reply Michael

      23 August 2017, 9:59 pm

      A few years ago, a closeted gay man at work asked me to join him for coffee as we left the office. I didn’t know at the time that he was gay, but he had picked up on my “gay” perceptions, while I hadn’t picked up on his, and so I joined him. About twenty minutes into the conversation, I realized his true intentions, and then I spent the following twenty minutes hoping he wouldn’t dare go where he was obviously headed. And then he did. Awkward. I denied having any attraction to men. I had recently started my Boundaries journey, so I was still in the early stages of learning how to say no to people, and it took me another hour to wiggle my way out of the conversation and make a beeline for my car in the parking lot; ironically, I missed a Boundaries support group meeting that night and later followed up with my counselor, who was leading the session, to explain my absence. Looking back, while he accurately perceived my SSA, I think he was also hoping to exploit my boundary-less self, and knew it.
      The man had recently broken up with his boyfriend of eight years, but they were still living together. He invited me to his house that night to “show me his renovations,” but I easily declined. He was on the rebound and further looking to exploit me to incite jealousy in his long-term partner. When I told him that I wasn’t actually gay (which IS true), he pleaded with me to keep his secret. I promised and have never told another soul. Beyond that, how would I even begin to explain how I found out about his sexuality?

      • Reply Michael

        23 August 2017, 10:00 pm

        All of that to say…I did not find him attractive, at all. But, I shudder to think where and how far I would have gone that evening if he fit “my type.” Fortunately, at the time I was still very much in the process of “coming out” to myself, and was therefore in denial about my struggle and hoped to keep pushing it down out of existence. In the past few years, however, as I have come to acknowledge that I am, in fact, attracted to other men, the struggle has actually become more difficult. I assume there’s a plateau where acknowledgement of SSA and the desire to act on it become more balanced but, in all honesty, if I had the same encounter with a man “my type” today, I’m not sure I could trust myself to make the right choice. It would be a moment where I would have to completely depend on God’s strength. The flesh is so weak.
        I have also endured a few more relational heartaches since that encounter a few years ago which might be contributing to the increased SSA desires I’ve felt, but I’ve still never acted on any desires nor have I done *anything* with the opposite or same-sex. Does it make sense that there is an initial pendulum swing in the other direction (toward lust/desire) when you’ve finally admitted your SSA to yourself? Is it typical?
        Tom:
        Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling,
        And to present you faultless
        Before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy,
        To God our Savior,
        Who alone is wise,
        Be glory and majesty,
        Dominion and power,
        Both now and forever.
        Amen.
        (Jude 24-25)

        • Reply Thomas Mark Zuniga

          25 August 2017, 11:35 am

          Thanks Michael! I love Jude.

          • Reply Michael

            27 August 2017, 11:09 pm

            He knows what’s up. I love his metaphors…”late autumn trees without fruit, twice dead, pulled up by the roots. Clouds without rain, blown about by the wind. Raging waves of the sea, foaming up their shame.” He couldn’t be clearer, but there’s still so much meat in those words to chew on. Its brevity, tone, and repetition make it a great passage for teaching someone how to lead an inductive Bible study.
            In his benediction, I especially love “Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling,” because I feel so often my weakness, and I need the reminder to lean on His strength when I would rather “leave the God I love.”

    • Reply Zach Holzer

      24 August 2017, 12:50 pm

      I kind of brought this up when you visited Tom, but my first was…similar to you, a yes and a no at the same time. In the moment, when one of my friends (who I had known to be very openly gay for a few years by that point) made his move later into the morning following a cast party at the end of our show run that summer, I felt incredibly desired. And we kissed, and we went for about a minute or so.
      I liked it.
      But prior to that experience, I came to Christ five months earlier, had gone to church but put the Christian growth on hold due to a busy schedule and a deep involvement with people from the show I performed in during my first year of college. My friend from the show, two years older and incredibly ripped and attractive, caught my attention constantly and by the end of the semester told me that homosexuality was OK in the eyes of the Lord, and because I heard what I wanted to hear with such confidence, I believed him. And I went home believing a lie, with no home support, no home church (my first church was my college church), and a very broken family/friend life.
      So, after a summer of believing lies and trying to make relationships with other guys happen (which all failed by the way…they never went anywhere) I came to a point where my desperation mixed with someone else’s desire for me physically came together and we started making out. On the floor. In the middle of the night. Him drunk and me completely sober. While everyone else around us was asleep. And we kissed.
      However, in the moment something changed…a small voice started becoming a roaring yell in my ears. No one else was talking. We certainly weren’t. But the voice grew. First, a repetitive “no.” Then, a “stop”. Then, this line, which I will never forget the rest of my life.
      “This is not the plan I have for you.”
      God provided a truth response to the many lies I had been trying to believe for months. I had seen relationships fail when I tried to make them happen. I talked about what a relationship with another guy would like. I didn’t pray at all, and never thought to investigate the Bible to make sure what my friend had said months before was true. I was dying. Bit by bit.
      And the weirdest/coolest thing about it? — I had never read that verse before. I had only read part of Genesis and the parts of Galatians that my church had covered on Sunday mornings (when I would actually go). Jeremiah 29:11 was certainly nowhere near the pages I had actually read.
      All that to say, my first was strange. But God revealed truth just like he said he would. He convicts, teaches, trains, and prepares us for His will. And, also like you, the message and sentiment is the same. Thankful for your story Tom, and also thankful for your brotherhood. Keep fighting the good fight!

    • Reply Dean Bailey

      26 August 2017, 9:30 pm

      Another altogether “real” and inwardly challenging post, Thomas. But I think I will focus primarily upon the last, in your series of questions above… “How has true brotherhood helped heal the wounded parts of you?”
      The short answer to that question is both immensely and detrimentally, depending upon how I look back upon it. But I will try to explain that.
      And just what is “true and authentic” brotherhood, anyway, given the fact that so many of our non-SSA-challenged brothers are themselves broken in many ways, just as we are; and (truth be told) don’t know any better than we do, how to become authentic in brotherhood?
      In so many ways, I believe in my heart that all men (to some extent, and/or at different times) crave the same deeper connection with each other that a lot of us SSA guys do, whether any of us has actually identified our specific SSA issues or not.
      Yes, there are those extreme loner-introvert types out there, and I don’t begrudge them of their own individuality in this sense. But I also think that is a rarer trait by far, in comparison to the bigger picture of the mutually-desired, deeper brotherhood that we’d all like to discover for ourselves, within the proper boundaries (and to the full extent of the God-given freedoms) of this thing called masculinity, which we all share as men.
      A simple kiss… not a romantic one, but a brotherly and affectionate, male-to-male kiss. Are we to assume that this too is condemned by God as homosexual sin? Speaking for myself, I don’t believe that, nor do I desire to believe that. And yet I struggle all the time with the same questions of where those “lines” are that you spoke of, Thomas.
      It is not that I desire to know the boundaries so that I can push against them. It’s that I desire to know where the boundaries are, so that I am completely free to enjoy the grace of those freedoms within God’s boundaries… confident and unashamed of shared affection… even a simple, brotherly kiss.
      I readily admit that I’m a man who craves the affection, Thomas. And, like you, there’ve been times I’ve felt unashamed and unconvicted to receive brotherly affection like hand-holding, as well as other times of becoming wildly confused and full of doubt over such things. And that internal tug-of-war is what I seek godly answers toward in overcomming.
      Returning again to the contradiction I began with, though, I have been in three “close” male friendships over the years, wherein mutual affection was shared between us. Two of those friendships were with men who were non-SSA Christian brothers, and the third was with a felliw SSA Christian brother. All of these friendships were extremely fulfilling in the area of affection and Christian interaction while they lasted, and yet I was also eventually abandoned by all three men as well, leaving me in a deep state of emptiness again, afterward.
      In addition to the emptiness, there was also a great deal of the confusion and doubt I mentioned earlier, specifically toward wondering inwardly if the shared affection itself was to blame for the eventual parting-of-ways, or if I’d been personally to blame in some other way because of my own SSA issues?
      All three of these friendships had been deeply meaningful influences in my life, toward my own individual growth and confidence as both a Christian believer, and as a man. One of the friendships lasted only a year. Another, the most recent of them, lasted five years. And the friendship with the other SSA Christian had actually spanned a period of over 20 years, and had begun while we were both in the military.
      Needless to say, I’m still trying to “figure things out” with regard to all of this.
      Thanks again for your posting, Thomas. Many blessings to both of our futures in Christ, as we both grow and move beyond these places where we are in his Love, today.

    • Reply Caleb Porter

      15 September 2017, 3:57 pm

      My first kiss with a guy happened when I was 18. My first time and only time kissing a girl was when I was 11, which led to some inappropriate foreplay. In subsequent years, kissing nearly always led to something sexual. My first hookups started with talking and as soon as kissing got involved, I started crossing the boundary of sexual promiscuity. I’m not proud of it, but over time I became an amazing kisser. I’ve used it as a catalyst for sex.
      I’ve been in Christian circles that encourage no kissing until the day of marriage. I actually had the privilege of watching a godly couple kiss for the first time, ever, on their wedding day. There was something very noble, holy even, about it. This group of radical, Jesus loving Christians warned about the physical and emotional connections that can be aroused too early in a relationship that comes about through kissing. They maintain the idea that it’s best to refrain from becoming too close to each other intimately, as it may hinder the couple from seeing clearly the appropriate course of the relationship. Hormones can certainly get in the way of spiritual discernment. To this day I haven’t kissed a girl or have done anything else intimate with the opposite sex. I guess the next time I kiss a woman it will be like a “first time” experience.
      I have to ask, Tom, about this story. Was there a moment that you could discern your friend’s intentions? It seemed that the friendship became to be eroticized/romanticized as the day went by. It sounded more like a date. For me, I probably would have gladly allowed it to continue. But if you maintained the stance that you didn’t want anything sexual or romantic with him, why didn’t you acknowledge it right away? Did you establish that boundary early on? Or do you feel now that you maybe were flirting the idea of something more with him? I have a lot of respect for you, by the way, and would be interested in your feedback.

      • Reply Thomas Mark Zuniga

        16 September 2017, 4:25 pm

        Good questions, Caleb. I had a pretty good idea of my friend’s intentions by the end of our first hangout in my previous post. But I liked to push the line since this was all unknown territory to me. Truthfully, though, I didn’t expect him to pull an actual kiss attempt on me. That was a shocker.

    • Reply Gavin McCune

      2 April 2018, 3:06 am

      Wow, Tom. This is my second day after finding out about YOB and I’m resonating with you more than I ever have with anyone else. I can’t wait to start writing you guys and finally share my stories with people who get it and understand what I say. I’m overjoyed!
      You did the right thing in turning away.
      My first kiss was from me pursuing one. I was at one of the great low points in my life. I stopped eating, doing my hobbies, and stayed in my room in my bed for nearly days at a time. My body degraded from wasting away in my bed. I was so lonely that I would wake up and see that I had slept in a certain sleeping position almost normally. I once found an article about sleeping positions and what they meant, which had my exact sleeping position listed, but I forgot what the position was called and I can’t find it! (I don’t think it was the ‘yearner’ sleeping position). It said that if I was sleeping with my arms stretched out in front of me in a certain way, that it mean I was suffering from being lonely. I would also literally close my eyes and pretend to hold someone by wrapping my arms around the air in front of me as I lay in bed. This helped for a short time until I gave up and just almost subconsciously wrapped my arms tightly around myself.
      One day, I didn’t think I could take it anymore and so I went to craigslist.com to try and find someone who wanted to ‘just cuddle and maybe kiss’, hahaha. That was before I had ever done anything with anyone, so I was naive to think that I would likely find someone who would only go as far as I had asked for.
      I remember strong waves of a tingling sensation going through my face starting from my nose after pulling away from the first kiss. The feeling was something I couldn’t have forseen to happen on my own.
      What I do now to keep from giving in, aside from diligently praying and studying the Bible and realizing that that is not what I want, is to let the feeling of my success of resisting build and view it as something that I don’t want to lose ever again and because the reward of doing so is incomprehensibly great.
      I’ve been blessed to have had guys show love for me in my life but never while them knowing I was gay/SSA. So, I feel that I’ve yet to truely have wounded parts of me healed through brotherhood.
      After making the mistake of giving in…well, too many times, I realized that sex with men is not what I truely want, that it’s not what I needed, but that great platonic love, affection, and friendship is what I need. Yes, we all still have to fight these urges and desires- most likely until the day we die, but only living the way God says to live will bring us true happiness, love, and fulfilment. He says for us to love one another in affection, but I, along with this world has such a huge problem with doing that right. The answer to the ‘Why?’ of that statement is something I am continueing to learn about now even after a couple years of researching the subject.
      I feel like I could just sit and talk with you, Elliott, and all my other brothers out there wherever thay may be, and just have THEE best time of my life.
      Thanks!

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