Hey brothers! A while back, I shared a post asking, “How badly do I want healing?”

I’ve been thinking about the journey toward wholeness. Now I ask myself another question.
Am I really finding healing? And if I am, how?

“And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death.”

Revelation 12:11 is so powerful. It spoke quite clearly to me early on, and I’ve called it up on nearly every occasion that I’ve shared my testimony with a friend!

Ultimately, the verse is about overcoming the accuser of the brethren, Satan. I know I’ve grown a lot while learning how to apply this verse to my own battle.

The first part is overcoming by the blood of the Lamb.

I remember lying flat on the floor of the bathroom over five years ago. Bawling my head out as I confessed the sins I had committed.

Dishonoring my dad, hating my job, being angry on a daily basis. I’d go to my room early, find horrible movies to watch online, and follow that up with porn, illicit web chats, personal ads, etc.

After falling asleep smeared in guilt and shame, I’d wake up a few hours later and repeat all the same things the next day.

As I poured out my heart to God, I was overwhelmed with the realization of how broken I was. Not only broken, but also with no power to clean up my act, in and of myself.

I acknowledged that even if I could simply stop doing those things, it wouldn’t be enough. The only remedy for the dark voids in my life was the blood of Christ!

I know in that moment that God was there, He heard me, and He accepted my plea for forgiveness on the basis of the blood of the Lamb.

The second part is overcoming by the word of our testimony.

Looking back I still can’t believe how quickly the Spirit impressed on me to share what had just happened.
I told my parents first. This was no small feat in itself. I would do that differently, I guess, if I could go back. I then went up to my room and started emailing the two guys I had been illicitly messaging just a few hours earlier.

This time with a different message.

My heart was overcome with genuine love for these guys. I knew they had voids in their hearts just like I had in mine. One guy pretty much quit responding immediately. The other guy acknowledged that he wanted to get right with God, too.

We actually met in person that evening. Not for sex, but to talk about our faith in God!

Several months later, I began telling childhood friends and brothers in my local church. Not just sharing my testimony with my salvation story but specifically my same-sex attraction. I know taking this step to tell your SSA story has cost some of you a lot of heartache.

Some of you have had to leave families, churches, and communities because you told your story.
That makes me angry! The church is made up of sinners made clean!

I think it’s ironic, but I really believe our stories may be better received by unbelievers than some churches.

Fortunately, my story is different. Most people have patiently heard me out and graciously extended loving support.

Whatever your case, I hope you continue finding courage with God’s grace to keep sharing your testimony.
I believe God will use it for His glory.

Thirdly, they loved not their lives unto the death.

This is hard for me. It speaks to the time needed to be an overcomer. It’s one thing to deny yourself and surrender something temporarily.

Fasting for a day is a sacrifice.

I’ve taken cold showers for weeks at a time.

But a lifetime — I really can’t fathom what life would be like as a 90-year-old single uncle. The deceiver would have me believe that life then will be awful. But the truth is: it could be amazing!

I hope and pray that it is. But I know it won’t be without many more trials.

It goes without saying. Overcoming the devil and his lies is a prerequisite for healing. And we will need to lay down our lives until our end to overcome him.

I pray for you, my brothers, that together we can continue to encourage each other. One day at a time.

Let’s keep trusting that His grace will be sufficient. And remember that on the other side is Home. I do believe then, and only then, we will be complete in every way, and our deepest cravings will finally be met in full.

2 Timothy 4:7-8 reads:

“I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith: Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give me at that day: and not to me only, but unto all them also that love his appearing.”

Are you more likely to share your story of SSA and redemption with an unbeliever, or someone from your church? If you have shared your testimony with an unbeliever, what was their response?

  • First, thanks! That was great. I feel like it’s so much easier to share my journey through SSA with nonbelievers. They don’t jump to judgement so quickly or over think things like my believing friends do. Also, I feel like it’s easier to get away with more. That tends to be problematic.

    • Interesting! I feel like I need to share my testimony with more unbelievers. I think I would define testimony as who I was before Christ, the tipping point of repentance, and who I am now. I feel like by being vague with who I was prior to believing could diminish some of it’s/God’s power. I hope that today I’m at the place where if I sincerely feel led to, that I will share all of it, for the good of the one I’m sharing with.

  • Many years ago, about two months after I came to Christ, the church I was going to declared from the pulpit that all gays go to hell. I left that church and was apart from God, bitter and angry. I only came back after a massive stroke and total memory loss. I was still untrusting of all Christians, even after all that time. I only came out to prevent the suicide of a teen who was going through the same stuff I had.
    One of the people I spoke to was a well respected member of the church, an older gentleman. He was amazed at my story of faith and how I came out of the gay lifestyle. He asked me to give my testimony. I didn’t even know what that meant at first (my knowledge of anything relating to Christianity was shockingly poor). I had agreed, without really knowing what that would entail. I nearly reneged when I found out what it meant. Not was I going to have to tell what my past and what I did, it would have to be in front of a bunch of mostly middle aged and elderly people. This gentleman encouraged me and I did it, terrified the whole time.
    Only one guy asked if I was a sodomite and pedophile. But they all applauded me and many gave me hugs. I had finally been accepted; not for my indiscretions, but as a human being. A couple of months later, I was asked to give the same testimony to my addiction recovery group. This scared me too, because I barely knew these people. The leader of the group encouraged me and I did it. I was shocked to say the least. There were people actually crying over my past, especially how the death of my best friend affected me. I was asked to repeat it at two more churches with the same results.
    I am more trusting of Christians now, but there will always be that twinge of doubt about them. I have to put up with fact that some can not accept that I still have an attraction to men but have been saved (they insist that if I was truly saved, I wouldn’t be gay anymore). They don’t understand it never goes away, but even they admire that I no longer live that life. I get called ‘sodomite’ and ‘pedophile’, and that too is fine. I know that ignorance abounds, because they have no understanding what it means. Still in all, my experiences with giving my testimony has been a very positive experience, and in that I am very blessed.

  • I love your story! Seriously if you look in some of my old journals from way back in the day when I was dealing with depression and stuff you will find that verse and me asking myself “do you want to be healed or not?” I really connected to what you wrote.
    About sharing my testimony it has been a big thing for me. A theme in my life of wanting to be able to tell my story and be able to tell all of my story. Still, I mostly share my testimony dealing with depression and struggles with purity. Few to no times do I really share about my sexuality other than a more one on one type scenario. Like, I want to be able to more in the future, but I still think it will be on a more personal level. That’s been my ministry style in a lot of things. Right now, it’s not exactly in the cards to be very open, but at the same time it’s not something I hide. Kind of like, no one asks and it’s not information I throw out there. If someone were to outright ask I wouldn’t lie, but no one asks. But one day I hope I will feel more freedom to be open

  • Yes, brother, yes! I appreciate so much hearing of your conversion and the radical change, because that is what Jesus did for me when I was 14. And he has been my Rock and strong high tower through the years. Praise His name.
    I know I’m gushing, but it is as it should be. He stooped so low to lift me so high.
    I shudder to think about what my life would have been had the Lord not rescued me when I was that young. Even then, I knew my share of sin and degradation. I often tell people you would be surprised at how much sin a boy can get himself into before he hits 14. All glory to the Lamb who died for me that I am truly a new creation.

  • >