I came back from Passion Conference with what I thought was good news. Before leaving, I’d submitted an application for a job posting. The company called and booked me an interview a few days after my incredible trip. It was a Christian company, and the atmosphere was so calm with very friendly employees, including the supervisor.
The interview went well, and later that week, I got the job. I transferred companies and began my work as an office assistant with this new company. But I didn’t know this “Christian professional setting” was just a facade.
Not even a week into my new job, I saw problems surfacing, and what I thought was a good trade was actually a horrible mistake — employees talking behind others’ backs, snarky remarks about the company, and my supervisor almost quitting on us, even coming into work one day drunk.
Yeah, so much for a “Christian” company.
I did my best, learning on the go. The crazy drama slowly took its toll on me, though, and the company eventually let me go.
I was glad to get away from that toxic environment. But I was left in a very tough spot — with no job.
I went back on the job hunt but longer this time. Funds started depleting, bills piled up, and I begged God to help me find a job.
My best friend did everything he could to help me out, but he had his own stuff to deal with, and I couldn’t ask him for financial support. Every day without a job killed me financially.
Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, and I cried out to God why on earth no one would hire me. I filled out any job application I could find, but I received no calls back.
It got so bad that I didn’t have enough money to buy food! I didn’t eat at all for a couple days just to save on food for the entire week.
My hard-headedness made me rely less on my friends as I did not want to become a freeloader. I asked for help few and far between.
The notice of eviction reared its ugly head since I had no sustainable income to pay rent. I was losing hope fast.
Deep in my financial drought, I thought about the idea of prostitution again. I’d done prostitution before, and my options for finding a job were running thin. I did love sex and hooking up with other guys; why not dive back into that dangerous field and make some extra cash?
Just make one ad; it won’t really hurt you! You’re so poor, you can’t even buy your own meal!
Man, my thoughts were going wild. And I was in desperate need of help.
I knew I couldn’t go back in that lifestyle, though! Exchanging sex for money with older guys — some maybe older than my dad?
But every day got harder and harder. Applying to different jobs, getting no calls back, or hearing after interviews that the companies went with other candidates.
Discouragement and temptation hit me pretty hard. I was a failure.
Memories of my church telling me I couldn’t serve came back to me as well.
What if being red-marked at my church didn’t stay within their computer system? What if my church released that information to the public, and whenever a company did a background check on me they found out about my past? Maybe that’s why nobody was hiring me?
It was horrible!
And so the temptation to find a “generous guy” to help me out didn’t feel as farfetched as before. The idea and technology were there.
But I just couldn’t do it.
My feelings weren’t gone, but I knew I’d be subjecting myself to an endless cycle as someone’s f***buddy with a little some’n some’n on the side.
I couldn’t do it.
With all this financial stuff happening, I also had a few surprises along the way. Though some things would encourage me, most would be a hindrance, adding even more problems to my turmoil.
Have times of financial strain or ruin led to increased temptation in your life? How do you cope with lust or sexual temptation amid financial or emotional struggles? How have you escaped ongoing cycles of prostitution or other sexual promiscuity?