Around the time when this female friend effectively ended my Bible study, I started attending a very small church only five minutes down the road from me. My best friend asked me to attend a few times, and out of respect I did, only attending for the social gatherings as I already had a church of my own.
But as time passed, I would eventually call this one my home church as well.
On the day this whole “they’re dating” thought popped in my head, I knew I had to confront both my best friend and this woman who ended my Bible study and blatantly ask if they were dating. Both said no, that they were down there just to hang out as friends.
I could sense that was a total lie, but I had to give them the benefit of a doubt because they were my friends. There was no proof of their dating, just my feelings that screamed that they were. And of course you can’t really use that as proof.
So, me being me, I teased them a lot about dating after that. I spun it as, “You shouldn’t have posted that picture together, because as an honorary friend I get to tease both of you.”
Was this a mask for my insecurity of my best friend trying to date this girl who I really didn’t trust? Of course, duh!
As time passed, these two started hanging out more, and my best friend and I started hanging out less. I knew something was going on, and again I tried to confront him about dating her, but those two denied it up and down.
I did my best to give them the benefit of the doubt as their friend, but things were not adding up.
My fear wasn’t that my best friend was going to start being in a relationship — thus leading to marriage and life having its way. I’d dealt with that scenario in the past with previous friendships, and I encourage that to happen.
My biggest fear was that my best friend was going to force our friendship to end all because of this girl, pushing me away from his life. It was the fear that whatever friendship we’d built in the past he was willing to tear down, trample to the ground, and pretend that I never existed at all.
So, we had one of our usual hangout sessions where we go to a restaurant and chat. He offered to pay for my food and I accepted because didn’t have any money due to not having a job. We were just chatting about what was going on in our lives, spiritually and with our families.
At the end of our hangout session while we were in a vehicle, I asked him one more time if he just liked that girl he was hanging around with. Finally, he broke and said yes!
After weeks and weeks of asking, I finally got an answer!
We talked about it, and I voiced my concern about their dating. I told him the flat-out truth of what I was feeling about our friendship.
While stating my concern about his liking this girl and possibly dating her, I told him another thing I was worried about: guarding his heart. In the past, I’d had friends who had also been in his situation. In the end, they got heartbroken and did something drastic to cope with their loss.
I didn’t want that same heartbreak to happen to them, so I just gave him a warning to tread lightly and take his time going into this relationship.
At the end of our conversation, I had something to get off my chest. Something so personal that I’d never told anyone.
I’d started having feelings for someone, but I didn’t know what to think about it. So, I confided in my best friend because I knew he wouldn’t judge me for it.
I said to him, “Dude, I think I might be having feelings for someone! I mean, the feelings aren’t actually there, but the thought is there. It’s been in my mind for some time, and the thought has come and gone every now and then. But this person is in my mind now.”
While I talked, my best friend interrupted me and asked, “Who is it?”
I looked at him with a smile and gave him the name of the person. Without judgment, he smiled back at me, gave me a big hug, and we prayed. I went back to my apartment and let out a huge sigh of relief.
Have you ever felt a friendship threatened due to a possible dating relationship with the opposite sex? Did you talk to your friend about this concern or did you keep it to yourself? Did you do anything drastic to keep this friendship alive?