“Pray the Gay Away” This ChristmasTom10 December 2018
Have you ever tried to “pray the gay away”? I talk about whether I’ve prayed that prayer and how God’s way of doing things often — nearly always — involves an exorbitant amount of waiting, process, and journey.
It’s a brand new MANLY MONDAY, featuring Simeon’s story from Luke 2, the concept of Jesus coming to earth as a baby rather than a man, and my bangs.
Watch our latest episode for December, and don’t forget to comment!
What have you prayed for and received, and what have you prayed for and waited (are still waiting) for?
I’m YOB’s cofounder and editor, and I also host our two podcasts. I’ve written a couple books as Thomas Mark Zuniga, including a 2013 memoir in which I first came out. Once upon another universe I anonymously blogged about my faith and sexuality under the Xanga username, twoBeckonings. I’m an INFJ, Enneagram 4w5, and my spirit animal is the buffalo. I love to travel, and my favorite place in the world is the one where coffee and vulnerability meet. When I’m not wandering, I live in Asheville, North Carolina – the Jewel of the Blue Ridge.
Oh man I wish I could just spill every one of my waiting stories, but I’ll go with the most recent one. I started this year in a really bad place. I was starting in a new department at work and I had a couple or new roommates and I was meeting all these new people and I was getting paid double what I had been, everything was awesome… but for some reason I just could not connect with anyone. I had this weird heaviness that kept me walled off from everyone around me. I just kept watching everyone else sitting with each other and talking while I sat alone. I tried to go out of my way to talk to some people, but it was rarely ever returned with those people talking to me on their own. There was one friend who I connected with instantly, and really wanted to be closer to, but he was going through a lot and just didn’t have time to give me. He even told me that he just couldn’t be the friend i wanted at that time. This went on for a little over half of the year. I just kept seeing everyone growing closer while I stayed where I was on the outside. Eventually, after a LOT of work on our Father’s part, (and I’m skipping all the grueling details that got me here) I came to complete contentment in being on the outside. I came to understand that nothing was wrong with me, I was just different, and I came to love those differences. It took a looong time full of so much jealousy and resentment, but God used every moment of my waiting and now I see why. I’m the outsider that people can go to when they need to step outside and talk. He positioned me on the outside so that I could help others in their greatest times of crisis. And here’s the thing, no one’s crisis’ started happening until after I had found contentment. If He hadn’t made me wait as long I would have been too selfish to help anyone, but he knew how long my heart needed to be prepared to give when others needed me. Looking back I can’t even believe where I am now compared to the beginning of the year. I feel like a completely different person without my situation changing a single bit. Oh and another thing about waiting, that friend I mentioned earlier is now one of my best friends. I had to accept that I couldn’t expect anything from him right now, and I had to force myself to repeat that every day, in every situation. Those days got LONG. We were both at just completely different places that didn’t match up… now they do. God did a work in and through both of us during the first half of the year that made us able to have the Jonathan and David friendship that we have now. The friendship we have now is exactly like what I wanted, I just had to wait almost 9 months for it. But it’s all so worth it. I can’t believe how blessed I feel right now in every aspect of my life, and that is all thanks to my Abba who was faithful in the waiting. He is good in famine, He is good in plenty.
Thanks for this today Tom! I’ll tell you, these posts always come at the perfect time for me. This past weekend this whole story has just been on repeat in my mind. Happy I got to share all this.
Thank you Nathan for sharing some of your story…appreciate it. I’m reminded of that verse, “I;m confident of this very thing, that He who has begn a good work in you will complete it at the day of Jesus Christ.” Christmas blessings to you in every way!
Wow, Nathan. Thanks for sharing. You have no idea how encouraging your story is. I completely relate with that “outsider” feeling and this gruesome process of waiting and realigning with others. LONG doesn’t begin to describe my days right now. Trusting the Author of this story to provide every little thing in His perfect timing. Thank you so much for speaking life into this personal darkness.
Oh man I wish I could just spill every one of my waiting stories, but I’ll go with the most recent one. I started this year in a really bad place. I was starting in a new department at work and I had a couple or new roommates and I was meeting all these new people and I was getting paid double what I had been, everything was awesome… but for some reason I just could not connect with anyone. I had this weird heaviness that kept me walled off from everyone around me. I just kept watching everyone else sitting with each other and talking while I sat alone. I tried to go out of my way to talk to some people, but it was rarely ever returned with those people talking to me on their own. There was one friend who I connected with instantly, and really wanted to be closer to, but he was going through a lot and just didn’t have time to give me. He even told me that he just couldn’t be the friend i wanted at that time. This went on for a little over half of the year. I just kept seeing everyone growing closer while I stayed where I was on the outside. Eventually, after a LOT of work on our Father’s part, (and I’m skipping all the grueling details that got me here) I came to complete contentment in being on the outside. I came to understand that nothing was wrong with me, I was just different, and I came to love those differences. It took a looong time full of so much jealousy and resentment, but God used every moment of my waiting and now I see why. I’m the outsider that people can go to when they need to step outside and talk. He positioned me on the outside so that I could help others in their greatest times of crisis. And here’s the thing, no one’s crisis’ started happening until after I had found contentment. If He hadn’t made me wait as long I would have been too selfish to help anyone, but he knew how long my heart needed to be prepared to give when others needed me. Looking back I can’t even believe where I am now compared to the beginning of the year. I feel like a completely different person without my situation changing a single bit. Oh and another thing about waiting, that friend I mentioned earlier is now one of my best friends. I had to accept that I couldn’t expect anything from him right now, and I had to force myself to repeat that every day, in every situation. Those days got LONG. We were both at just completely different places that didn’t match up… now they do. God did a work in and through both of us during the first half of the year that made us able to have the Jonathan and David friendship that we have now. The friendship we have now is exactly like what I wanted, I just had to wait almost 9 months for it. But it’s all so worth it. I can’t believe how blessed I feel right now in every aspect of my life, and that is all thanks to my Abba who was faithful in the waiting. He is good in famine, He is good in plenty.
Thanks for this today Tom! I’ll tell you, these posts always come at the perfect time for me. This past weekend this whole story has just been on repeat in my mind. Happy I got to share all this.
Thank you Nathan for sharing some of your story…appreciate it. I’m reminded of that verse, “I;m confident of this very thing, that He who has begn a good work in you will complete it at the day of Jesus Christ.” Christmas blessings to you in every way!
Wow, Nathan. Thanks for sharing. You have no idea how encouraging your story is. I completely relate with that “outsider” feeling and this gruesome process of waiting and realigning with others. LONG doesn’t begin to describe my days right now. Trusting the Author of this story to provide every little thing in His perfect timing. Thank you so much for speaking life into this personal darkness.