Intimacy is scary, and intimacy is vulnerable. Intimacy can be shared or rejected. Intimacy is special and sacred, and intimacy is everyday. Intimacy is sexual and emotional, physical and spiritual.
Join Tom, Ryan, and Jacob in the first of a two-part deep dive into intimacy. The brothers define intimacy, likening it to a fire, discussing the differences and nuances between intimacy and vulnerability. They also talk about their first forays into intimacy many years ago and what the cornerstone of their most intimate relationships has been.
The episode opens with some banter about last month’s #WeirdJesus episode, along with some “brother beats” on fasting for Lent and something called the “heart-f***”??
Our current podcast production schedule is one public episode and one private episode per month, the latter available exclusively to our patrons on Patreon. Pledging even $1/month grants you access to The YOBaLOGUE, our 30-minute bonus podcast that features listener feedback, bloopers, one “brother beat” segment, and other cut content from this episode. Check out our Patreon page for more information!
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Enjoy our INTIMACY episode! And don’t forget to comment below: How do you experience healthy same-sex intimacy? When did you first experience intimacy with a friend?
LINKS FROM THE SHOW
- Tom’s “I’m Giving Up Masturbation for Lent” post
- Scary Close by Donald Miller
- Tom’s posts
- Ryan’s posts
- Jacob’s posts
Earlier this month in Georgia, 4 year old Everett loved his pet goldfish and just wanted to cuddle with him. Later he was sad when his mom had to tell him that it had killed his goldfish.
I heard this both sad and funny story on NPR after listening to the 1st part of the podcast and it’s kind of a weird metaphor to me for growing up on your own with ssa and unknowingly screwing up friendships with other guys.
Good podcast so far.
Kind of a disturbing picture! I almost don’t believe it.
Yeah, I almost didn’t post it cause it’s a bit creepy, and ultimately sad. What’s funny or touching is the innocence of a 4 year old wanting to cuddle with his pet friend, not knowing it would hurt it. And I didn’t believe it even after hearing it on NPR, just search “goldfish cuddle” on Google News if interested. There is something weirdly satisfying about googling “goldfish cuddle” as a real thing.
G’day brothers. I’m one of your brothers in Australia. I’m married with two children.
I was listening to your podcast on Intimacy (actually haven’t quite finished it). You were talking about an intimate passage in Revelation of God giving us a stone with our name on it. However I was thinking that the intimacy with God comes from being “IN Christ” – it’s only a 2-letter word, but being IN Christ is quite a significant thing. We’re reconciled back into relationship with God like Adam and Eve were. We’re adopted brothers with Christ. We are IN Him. It’s a significant thing in the New Testament, but not really explained anywhere, but sufficient to say it’s significant and intimate!
I’ve also wondered about all the things in the Old Testament and this life now that are a shadow of the things to come. So the passover lamb was the shadow of Jesus as the lamb who was slaughtered for our sins. The OT temple was a shadow of the intimacy of God dwelling His Spirit in our bodies. Also the prophets, kings were all shadows of Jesus. We also know that marriage is a shadow of the heavenly reality of being in relationship with God, where we are the bride and God is the groom. My question is in what way are love-making and genitals shadows of some heavenly intimacy? I don’t think the Bible answers this, but a curious question.
Awesome thoughts, André. We featured some of your comment on Part 2 of this podcast, coming out next month! Thanks for the great questions.
I agree with Tom, awesome thoughts brother about being in Christ. We’re invited to enter and abide in spiritual union with God in Christ, a relationship where we are one. I’m glad your comment is gonna be future podcast content. I don’t know how to answer or think about your last question but recently read this “…sex and marriage are metaphors of the deeper and truer reality of the intimacy God desires to have with us…don’t get a symbol confused with the real thing.” Really happy you posted Andre. Curious how a guy with the name Andre ended up down under.
Hi Guys. Thanks for another great podcast. Just wanted to ask whether there is a specific reason why this particular YOBcast on YouTube is not downloadable. The ability to download all the previous ones has been quite convenient for me as I have been able to listen to almost all of them in their entirety offline at my convenience as I don’t have access to WiFi all the time and phone data is a bit costly in my country. If the plan is to have all future YouTube YOBcasts un-downloadable, my humble request is that you reconsider so that I (and others presumably) may continue to be able to listen to them offline when convenient. Thanks in advance……
Hi Bryane. Not sure what you mean by “downloadable” on YouTube? I wasn’t aware any videos on YouTube are downloadable.
YouTube has a download feature enabling video watchers to do so for offline viewing….when one is posting, I think there is an option you can click on to render it un-downloadable if you want to. I notice legal music videos like those on VEVO can’t be downloaded but most vlogs posted by vloggers and regular YouTubers can…you watch them on the YouTube app but you don’t need data or WiFi to view them from where they are located in the Download section of one’s Library folder. I usually delete the Podcasts once I have listened to it in its entirety. Most downloads are usually available for viewing for 29 days after which YouTube usually deletes it automatically from one’s download folder…I have never posted a video on YouTube before but I assume there are relevant control settings when one does so…..
Hmm, maybe that’s another country’s feature. I’ve never heard of that. Didn’t do anything differently in the upload process this time.
For those who heard Ryan’s question on the Yobalogue, here is the Home Star Runner character whose voice that he threatened to imitate.
[…] Our “Intimacy” podcast […]
Hey y’all! Thanks for the pod. I’m new here but wanted to stop by to say hello and share.
I’ve often attached intimacy to a romantic relationship. It felt healing to hear y’all talk about how intimacy is a part of our lives in many ways that are not sexual – thank you. Definitely something I want to stew on.
I resonated with the point that intimacy comes at a cost of vulnerability. I’ve experienced both the benefits of that reality, and the deep pain/hardship that’s come when spaces of trusted intimacy were broken. I’m with y’all though – I think it’s better this way than “robotic” intimacy 😂
Thanks Tom, Ryan and Jacob for your sharing and vulnerability. Really grateful to have found YOB.
Hey Tom and company,
I really appreciate your input and conversations on the topic of intimacy. There were a lot of aspects in the discussion which stood out to me and I was hoping to share some of my experiences with intimacy. I’ve had some ups and downs with intimate relationships with men. Recently, I’ve been recovering from the wounds of a failed relationship with a guy I knew from church and had a crush on ever since. On the other hand, I’ve managed to remain steady with a long-standing friendship with a guy I knew during middle school to the point I’ve seen him as a close brother. With the former, I’ve failed to connect with him spiritually as there wasn’t accountability on either side for our lacking (i.e., I let my cravings for physical touch interfere with the relationship while he failed to properly respond and confront it due to his negligence). With the latter, I’ve never felt physically attracted to him but viewed him simply as a brother-in-Christ while praying and encouraging each other in our struggles (he was the first person I came out to . . . ). I’m not sure if physical attraction is always a stumbling block in an intimate relationship, but I’ve felt personally inclined sometimes to think it as so. I’d appreciate anybody’s input about physical attraction interfering with intimate relationships, so feel free to comment!
In the end, I think what matters in maintaining a healthy intimate relationship is to remain in good standing spiritually with God while being accountable for each other. Praying and sharing experiences at church together are some of the examples to accomplish that end. Being willing to talk about it rather than sweeping a pressing matter under a rug is always great in bringing each other close together while reconciling from our past mistakes. Be there for one another and encourage each other even in inconvenient times. In some ways, how much you invest in a relationship is what you will receive from it. Hope this piece of advice will guide you all as you search for your intimate relationships. Expect mistakes before you can achieve your successes, but never lose faith in Christ and pray constantly to keep the relationship healthy. Praying for you always as well as the rest of the YOB community. 🙂
Hey Sam, thanks for commenting on this classic ep! It’s right up there as one of my favorite conversations, and favorite/relevant topics, we’ve ever had. Thanks for sharing some of your story here. I’ve felt the wounds of intimacy-no-longer and crushes like you described. I find those relationships where I feel “less than” or “lacking” in some comparative way particularly challenging. Being able to talk about this hard stuff here has been so helpful and healing for me in my journey. If nothing else…I am not alone.
Grateful for your prayers, brother!