It had been a long time since my best friend and I shared an actual hangout. Ever since I’d confronted him about how much time he spent with his new girlfriend, neglecting me in the process, I hadn’t really seen him much.
Our hangout times slowly faded, usually consisting of his calling me, or my calling him, with maybe a few text messages here and there.
But an actual hangout time together? Hardly ever.
He already knew about this girl in my life, way before the feelings for her came, when it was only a thought. I’d told him about her a few months back, when we shared regular hangouts, after he’d first confided that he liked the girl he was dating now.
He encouraged me that I wasn’t crazy, that I could possibly pursue those feelings with her — yet only ever encouraging me through texts.
I kept reminding him that we needed to hang out soon, and one day he finally responded to my pleas. We decided to longboard at our nearest university and just chill over there. I knew he meant it when he said he would make it.
The day came, and we used his car to get to the university. He texted me, and I got the longboards to put in his trunk. I jumped in his ride, and we drove to our destination. We didn’t really say anything beyond some small talk, but since the university was nearby we didn’t really have to talk.
We boarded for a good while, and I was pretty happy we were finally hanging out again. Afterward, we parked in the back area of my apartment complex, and since the weather was warm, we decided to have a long overdue chat.
We hadn’t seen each other in a while, so we caught up on each other’s lives. I went first and told him that I’d finally landed an entry level job for a huge company. It was at least something for me, and I could finally breathe financially. He was happy to hear some good news from me.
He told me about his own job, and he also mentioned his relationship with his girlfriend, how they were doing, and how they were serving together at their church.
Then came the confrontation. The tone changed, and he wanted to get some stuff off his chest.
He told me he didn’t appreciate my butting in on their relationship and trying to save our friendship. That if he had to choose between our friendship or his girlfriend, he’d choose her.
It wouldn’t matter if our friendship died in the end, he said, because things change and we needed to grow up. Things don’t last forever, no matter how hard we try to hold onto them.
To take things further, he also mentioned that none of our friends liked the way I handled situations where I confronted people on their stuff. That I’d hurt a lot of people in the process, and many of them hated me for that.
He said I was doing more damage in the long run whenever I called out something negative in their lives, because they weren’t ready for change. If they wanted to change, it would have to be up to them, and God would reveal it to them whenever they were ready.
I tried to argue why I’d done what I thought was right, but he wasn’t having it. In the end, I just stood there in disbelief. I felt an ugliness in the pit of my stomach, spreading throughout my body, and I hung my head low.
I apologized to my best friend and promised never to say another bad thing about him and his girlfriend — to him or to her.
I gave him a long hug and thanked him for his confrontation. He went back to his car and drove home. I went back into my own house and stood in the living room, processing everything he’d said to me.
Unfortunately, Satan was also there, whispering in my heart that nobody loved me. That I was ultimately a screwup, and I didn’t have a purpose anymore. That everything I’d already done was all for nothing, and everything I’d try in the future would just hurt people, even if I wanted to do good.
Depression hit hard, and I didn’t know if I would make it.
Have you ever been called out by a good friend? Was the callout justified? Have you had to navigate new expectations with a best friend who finds a new girlfriend?