If there’s one thing that stands out about me, it’s intentional community. Even though I’ve been single most my life, I have almost never chosen to live alone. Having housemates has been a great blessing to me.
As a single Christian guy with same-sex attraction, I find that I fight against sexual temptations much more effectively when living with other guys. I am much happier, too!
But how does living with other guys work with all the potential problems?
I’ve lived almost exclusively with fellow evangelical Christians like myself — the main exception being when my housemates and I have reached out to non-believers checking out Christianity, inviting them to live with us.
This means that I’ve shared in common the most important thing we could have as housemates: a love for Jesus Christ!
We often pray together and share biblical wisdom with one another. The Christ-centered friendships that have developed in this environment have truly changed my life!
I’ve had around 80 different housemates since leaving my parents’ home at age 18. Most have been straight, single Christian guys, but I’ve also lived with families and other guys who also face gay temptations.
As I’ve allowed these Christ-centered friendships to form naturally at home, I’ve found among them some guys I deeply trust and with whom I can be vulnerable. Not only have some friends talked with me about my sexual temptations, but they’ve also genuinely cared and sought to help me bear the burden of the fight against sin through encouragement and accountability.
My friendships with these guys have also provided deep emotional support. They’ve met an inner need, helping me fight against filling that need with destructive sexual sin.
Most of my friends don’t possess the natural love language of touch. They express love through words of encouragement and acts of service, so I’ve had to adjust to receiving and showing love their way rather than with physical touch, as I tend to favor.
Many single guys around my age of 60 are feeling serious loneliness and even depression. I feel the exact opposite!
God has given me real friends who love me. Some of them started off as fellow housemates, and we are still cultivating those friendships decades later.
Instead of retreating into my own place as I age, I’ve decided to go all in to build even more community to help others share in my joy.
A few months ago, I bought a house with a straight friend. We invited 15 of our Christian friends to move onto our 20-acre farm and live together in intentional community to help one another in our relationships with God.
It’s been challenging but very much worthwhile!
There are also many more who want to join us in this intentional community, so we are working out the details to make it happen!
If you are longtime single, how have you dealt with seasons of loneliness and related depression? Have you lived with Christian housemates?