We kick off our Enneagram ConvoCast series with Mr. Eight himself: Matt! Matt shares with Tom about his motivations, fears, stress, and security as a Type Eight (the Challenger). As a member of our YOB community, how does his Eight-ness manifest in the realms of sexuality, masculinity, and relating with other men?

Matt shares why he often feels separate from members of the LGBT+ community and the YOB community, connecting more strongly with straight men. He also discusses his journey with vulnerability as a point of growth in his relationships. And he confirms that if an Eight truly loves you, he’s loyal all the way! We close the conversation by including ways we we can all love the Eights in our lives better.

Listen to our full Enneagram conversation! And be sure to follow us these next few weeks as we dial around the Enneagram and talk to each type in our community!



Are you an Enneagram Eight? How have you grown as an Eight in relation to your sexuality and masculinity?

About the Author

  • LOVE this so much. “You’d better freaking be there, bro!” Hahaha I learned this about Eights from an early teen existence, and it’s so good for me! I’m deep into life with guys who are elite military warriors here in the US. I’m talking multiple-multiple career special deployments to operate in the most dangerous neighborhoods and territories on planet Earth. And if you cancel on them? You’re gonna hear about it. haha

    It’s awesome, how God made the Eights. I’m a 3w4, so my bleeding heart is super-challenged by these guys. But they’ve been part of my love and my strategy in SSA for a LONG-freaking time. In junior high, as this sexuality nonsense started popping up, literally, I was like, I internalized the straight-up NEED for survival and thriving through forging strategic brotherhoods with the Eights. I knew for a fact I wasn’t going to dip into SSA for real so that challenger’s energy was exactly what I needed to cope and remind myself that it’s all fun and games when you know how to DESTROY your opponents!

    And sure enough, just as this podcast reveals, I’m still deep into male friendships with most of these guys. And if I bump into them along the way, long after grade school has been concluded, we have instant connection and laughs.

    I’ll never forget the years in early high school, when the MMA scene was developing and we all watched the first UFC fights together at our buddy’s dad’s house. On “black box” cheater streaming of course. But my guys were smitten by the brutality and raw ability to throw punches and get dudes on the ground and pound their faces into the canvas. I was like, “Sh*t!” I’ve gotta deal with this energy or be an outsider. So some guy had a pair of boxing gloves from wherever, and I swiftly took those into my possession. So every day after school we had Fight Club in the front lawn. But only when I was ready to bring out the gloves and prepare my mind for a potential ass-whooping! Hahaha

    My strategy was pretty hardcore as a sensitive artist, but I’m so glad it paid off and landed all these hilarious stories of getting ready to throw down every day with my top-dog alphas who didn’t care about getting their noses bloody and running red all over my gloves. Or theirs. I think this is the funniest part of recognizing SSA and choosing a Side-B-style approach from an early age in the 90s. That I would have to strategize so hard and endure so much blood and guts to land a pack of guys who will never forget me and my friendship.

    I thank God endlessly for these “types” that are scattered across the Enneagram. And for the ability to use intelligence and strategy to bring about my “best me”. 😅🙌

    • Awesome Eight thoughts, Mike! Believe me, I plan to be in the Land of Enchantment this fall for the balloon festival lest I incur the wrath of the Eight. In all seriousness though, I’m grateful for the way the Eight is wired, too. I’ve been blessed by Matt and other Eights in my life who help me not get trapped in my emotions and become more action-oriented and self-confident. Eights are awesome.

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