We continue our Enneagram ConvoCast series with Mr. Nine and longtime cohost of the YOBcast: Ryan! Ryan shares with Tom his motivations, fears, stress, and security as a Type Nine (the Peacemaker). As a member of our YOB community, how does his Nine-ness manifest in the realms of sexuality, masculinity, and relating with other men?

Ryan compares himself to how Julia Roberts orders eggs in Runaway Bride, and he also pleads with other types to let him just enjoy his wrong restaurant order! He discusses the Nine’s ability to “merge” with other people’s passions and personalities in a loss of personal identity, and we read some extensive YOBBER feedback that exchanges “peace” for “unity” as a Nine’s primary motivator. We discuss some other feedback about coming out publicly as a Nine versus coming out selectively to “keep the peace.” What happens at a church after Ryan comes out and serves in the children’s ministry, and some parents are acting a little off? Finally, Ryan shares about the Nine’s fear of neediness as he reacts to the neediness in others.

Listen to our full Enneagram conversation! And be sure to follow us these next few weeks as we dial around the Enneagram and talk to each type in our community!

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Are you an Enneagram Nine? How have you grown as a Nine in relation to your sexuality and masculinity?

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    3 Comments
    • Reply Mike Lardi

      9 June 2022, 12:18 am

      Ohmygosh Ryan KILLED it on the Nines. Thank you for diving deep on all that. Most definitely I will need to load it up again and re-listen, since one of the most special and faithful men in my life is a hardcore Nine. Plus both my parents recently took the Enneagram test, and sure enough they came up as Nines. Which might possibly explain my heightened frustration with all of them from time to time as a Three, since that is essentially my “direction” of stress and fear, as this episode discussed so well.

      My buddy though. Daniel. I have wanted to strangle him more times than I can even count as we worked together in various ministries over the last 18 years. Not even kidding! In 2014 we were brought on to re-launch a church community that was almost non-existent, yet the core group that started it was unwilling to close the doors without one last attempt at bringing in pastoral leadership. It also came at a pivotal moment in my journey with mental illness to be asked to do this, so God clearly knows our path. And the things we did together in Christ are still legendary to both of us as we were each molded and changed by the extreme challenges. To this day that church is flourishing with Daniel and continues to bounce back from COVID shutdowns and get stronger in the Holy Spirit, which is a total win for the kingdom!

      But without Daniel’s leaning into his healthy expression of a Three, I would have been completely uninterested in taking on such a “small” turnaround, as this is a tiny collection of mountain towns and the impact—in my mind—is also impossibly small. But Daniel was relentless. He was ambitious. And it was perfect for me to feel comfortable about commitment. I didn’t know of the Enneagram back then, but there were really dark times for him when he retreated into stress and fear over people constantly coming and going—again, very much like what Ryan shared. When I stepped down from my pastoral role and stopped attending, literally months before the pandemic, it obliterated Daniel and he couldn’t talk about it for almost half a year.

      Then as the pandemic worsened he ran away from addressing the issues and tried to do “church as usual” and “nothing is wrong, God’s got this.” Watching this from the convenience of my laptop only made my frustration worse. But until today, I didn’t realize that a Nine just wants to be told what to do in certain situations of stress. And that wasn’t happening at all. I remember calling him numerous times explaining the opportunity and “a” vision for doing a radical new expression of church during the pandemic and all the social upheaval that was being triggered. But without someone laying out the strategy in detail, he cannot deploy the plan. And I wasn’t about to go back into that situation since I had my hands full managing a new ministry elsewhere.

      Fortunately the church pulled through. So I’ve been right up close and personal to seeing just how much it matters to him to keep the peace. And by extension, to keep everyone in the room. It was something that drove us crazy on the elder board to wrestle it out as to why peacemaking should override other principles. But Daniel is absolutely God’s man for that community and he is very loved. And in the healthiest expression of his design, he is completely successful and accomplished and a stud. One hundred.

      To this day we take super long walks together as God continues to expand the horizons while keeping us focused on making disciples through biblical relationships. If you were to walk by us on the trail you’d think these two loud dudes just got done taking a major rip of something good back in the car. We are THAT lit up about what God is doing in this generation. I’ve gone from being crazy mad at Daniel to being crazy in love with him and able to share his story to pastors who might also have Nine tendencies or leanings and are burnt out on their calling and the constantly shifting landscape of faces and helpers. I’m really amped on this Enneagram-meets-masculinity series. Thank you!! 🥳

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