We continue our Enneagram ConvoCast series with another beloved member of our community, Adam! Adam shares with Tom his motivations, fears, stress, and security as a Type Three (the Achiever or Performer). As a member of our YOB community, how does his Three-ness manifest in the realms of sexuality, masculinity, and relating with other men?
Adam makes his YOB podcast debut (or does he??) as he helps us get over the hump of this Enneagram ConvoCast series! As a member of our community he opens up about the need for vulnerability as a Three, along with the core struggle it launches against the impressive persona he strives to present. We ponder the reason why Threes are perhaps the least common type in YOB — and maybe even within the greater “Side B” community? Is it simply because the closet is especially comfortable for a Three and less threatening to their reputation in the Church? Adam also confesses why he thinks Threes are the least desirable type in the Church and how that’s impacted his ability to belong as a believer.
Listen to our full Enneagram conversation, and be sure to follow us these last few weeks as we finish dialing around the Enneagram with each type in our community!
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE
- Truity’s Enneagram test
- Truity’s Type 3 Enneagram overview
- Enneagram Gift’s Type 3 in stress and growth
COMMENT ON THIS EPISODE
Are you an Enneagram Three? How have you grown as a Three in relation to your sexuality and masculinity?
Haha watch out for next week’s DOUBLE-FOUR bro-down! 🙌🎉🎯
Oo the podcast today freaking sizzled. Thank you to Adam for enduring the torture chamber. Those were some brutal revelations for a guy who treasures image and polish and guarding “the” story. I often wonder about myself here, when it comes first to the confidence factor of Enneagram Threes. Maybe it has to do with a Four wing or who knows what, but my “three-isms” didn’t fully manifest until I became a disciple of Jesus. I was devastatingly shy up until that event. And shedding my daily hyper-insecurities (social anxiety, generalized anxieties, anxiety attacks, panic, etc.) was such a process that even now at 40 years old I still grapple with them at times. Even though I could take charge of an army having never gone through basic training. The confidence is real. But yes, once my Three tendencies took over it’s like all the rest of the stories of this episode applied.
Adam mentioned the tension between being a stupendous and heroic Achiever and the biblical call of Jesus to be meek and mild and the servant of all. And that became my strategy because He literally said in the same breath, “This is how you’ll be the GREATEST OF ALL, Michael.” (Obviously my emphasis is on that part lol!) Combo that with the persistent need to craft the best possible story about yourself—AKA, being a pathological liar even to the people you don’t need to impress—is extremely scary as a person who wonders if their faithfulness can even matter to God when you’re so manipulative and charismatic. Oh yea and the handsomest person you’ve ever seen. It’s AWFUL.
Being that this is my dominant Type I could rap on for eternity about the content of this show, including the end part about how to love a Three. And how you must NEVER surprise them or hit them with something when they’re unprepared. That part takes me back to the insecurity I felt as a youngster. I think what happens to me in those instances of surprise is that people will realize that I’ve been lying to them this whole time—that everything I do in such spectacular fashion is just effortless and unrehearsed for me. You’re welcome. But if they knew that by putting me on the spot I would have no time to rehearse and execute the situation flawlessly and with critical acclaim. And I’d be caught red-handed (red-faced?) as being just as “normal” as anyone else. And the curtain would be pulled back that I am not actually a cleverly-disguised demigod but a mere mortal, lol! Again, it’s AWFUL.
Lies, lies, lies. My favorite sin lines up squarely with none other than Lucifer!!! His native tongue is my own! WTF, God!!! Am I redeemed or am I not redeemed??
Obviously I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for His mercy. But I can’t help but imagine how many times God has drawn near to kill me, just like that little episode we see in Exodus with Moses and Zipporah arguing over circumcision. (Weird story detail too, huh?) But I’m like, “God how many times do you have to restrain Yourself from giving me the axe?” And with Jesus, and with being of service to His kingdom, it’s like, why am I not satisfied with being the servant who receives 5 talents from the master in the parable? (Or sometimes it’s phrased as the 10-talent servant because he doubled the master’s money joyfully.) I would be horribly disappointed if Jesus came up with that parable with me in mind and I was not showcased to the world as being at least a 1000-talent servant!
It’s god-awful. But like Adam said in the show the more I press into not caring what people think about the real me, the me with “unveiled face”, the more I live in freedom and security. Mostly because I can drop the lying and story-guarding, and that feels AMAZING. Plus the extra bonus is that others feel encouraged to boldly share their real stories too. And we can all step into kingdom communities together. I still go big and I still challenge others to expand their ideas and dreams and visions. Hopefully without getting burnt out. But I don’t care what does or doesn’t get done in my 10 year master plan. God was satisfied enough to make me His child so I’m content to fly around on His adventure and be part of His testimony to planet earth. 🥳🥳😅
Really good show yet again, guys.
And YES to being a mega winner who’s also a big loser in the Church and the culture as Side-B. I’ll take it. (It’s whitewashing and toxic positivity to the brim when you’re a Three lol.) 💪
I love how you reframed that whole concept of meekness and mildness to be the GREATEST OF ALL. The last will be first. The upside down kingdom. It is after all how Jesus became the most famous human ever to live. Have been loving all your Ennea thoughts on these episodes, Mike! Eager for that DOUBLE FOUR episode to come. Was hoping to put it out last week but just had too much going on with the holiday and some retreat prep. This week!