A precious missionary couple returned home from the field over a year ago due to the wife’s cancer. She is now in hospice care with her husband by her side.
I’ve known of this couple for many years, supporting their ministry through prayer and small offerings, when possible. I felt pleasantly surprised when they decided to join my Sunday school class. A retired missionary actually baptized me, and so maybe for this reason I yearned to hear about this couple’s ministry beyond newsletters and reports from occasional returns home.
One Sunday, this missionary gentleman asked if I’d consider participating in a Bible study he’d be leading as part of his training for a Christian counseling program. After some thought and prayer, I agreed. While I enjoyed the entire study and may write more about it one day, I only want to focus on the beginning for now.
The first step of joining this group required each participant to share his or her testimony. I knew this upon agreeing to attend, and I had time to prepare.
Of course, part of my testimony is being a gay, celibate Christian. I knew I’d have to share this detail; why wouldn’t I be completely transparent in my testimony?
Honestly, I looked forward to sharing this part of my story despite the nervousness that coming out brings me.
I shared my testimony on that first meeting, including the specifics of my same-sex attraction. The missionary leader was somewhat taken aback as I came out to the group, but he was also amused as I explained that I am completely convinced of the traditional sexual ethic: I’m committed to lifelong celibacy or a mixed-orientation marriage if the Lord ever leads me down that path.
He told me that people normally don’t share their testimonies in much detail, and he seemed appreciative that I had done so.
Of course, he asked me some of the usual questions that people ask when a “Side B” Christian comes out. My favorite always revolves around the question of gay marriage.
I just told you I’m a lifelong celibate; how would I know anything about marriage, gay or straight?
Over the next few sessions, we discussed my sexuality and my “Side B” theology in caring, intimate detail. My trust in this dedicated minister increased as he also grew more inquisitive of my unique story.
I explained that there are many others like me with traditional views of sexuality and marriage, and as such are looking to feel more at home in the Church. I even explained how I’m attracted to men but also somewhat turned off by the whole idea of sex (another topic I may write about one day).
As our study continued and my friendship deepened with this missionary, his dear wife’s health grew worse. I’ve done what I could to be there for this couple, including going to their home with a small group of friends to sing Christmas carols. They blessed me with numerous, wonderful hugs, which I include as one of my love languages. This missionary gentleman has even started sitting by me on Sunday mornings as a sign of true Christian support.
One of our most memorable exchanges came on the morning of my flight for the YOBBERS Retreat. My excitement was obvious!
“So, what do you do on this retreat?” my now friend and mentor asked.
“We just allow the Lord to use us to build each other up as Christian brothers with similar crosses to bear,” I replied after some thought.
This led to a discussion about how the Church should minister to people in precise, detailed ways. I shared my ongoing frustration with the Church’s high value, almost worship, of marriage.
“Jesus never married!” he interjected.
This time, I was the one taken aback! He actually gets it, I thought.
One of my most difficult life lessons has been the importance of trusting the Lord’s timing — though I certainly don’t understand it. I never could have known that when I first began meeting with this missionary that my testimony would spark such an abiding friendship.
I certainly do not know how things will play out when this gentleman soon becomes a widower, which only seems to be a stronger possibility. However, I do know by faith that the Lord has led two of His followers from two very different situations to edify and encourage one another in struggles that have beset them in this fallen world.
Have you formed an edifying relationship with a pastor, missionary, or someone else in ministry? How do you minister to someone else or a group with your unique story?
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I love how you support each other. He sounds like a good man (and so do you).
I have a priest friend slightlyolder than me. He’s not allowed to get married, but his vocation leaves him with little free time. But being celibate gives me a little more flexibility in my schedule to gove him community and friendship when he has some down time.
Sam, I am always encouraged when I hear portions of your story. Your relationship with the missionary
is no exception, precious.