About Me

He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.
-Proverbs 28:13

Kevin Frye is my real name. Same-sex attraction is something I've dealt with in some manner or another since I was a child, but it's by no means the only struggle I've had, nor is it separate and exclusive from other issues. I don't really consider myself to be same-sex attracted in a homosexual sense anymore. I'm not ex-gay, either, since I never really was gay in the first place. I'm a child of God. Everything else about me must line up under His Lordship in my life.

I'm American, and I live in Nara prefecture, Japan. I'm married, I have three kids, and I teach English. I like or at least can appreciate almost everything -- dogs and cats, city and countryside, preps and goths, classical and modern, spicy and bland, hot and cold, staying home and going out. And I love tofu.

Understanding the Male Butt Smack
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Understanding the Male Butt Smack

There we were, my friends and I, at our richest friend’s mini-mansion after church one afternoon. We were mostly college-age twenty-somethings filling up the big kitchen/living room, talking and laughing. The TV was on and snacks were on the table. It was then that I saw my chance. My friend, Bryan, stood by the island […]

Masturbation for the Married Guy
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Masturbation for the Married Guy

I’m thirty-three years old, I’m married, and I masturbate. I never thought I’d still be doing this as an adult. Back when I was a teenager, I had no intention of keeping this habit going so long. I believed masturbation was a sin back then, so I tried to stop. Of course, it was hard, […]

Why I Can’t Say I’m Gay
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Why I Can’t Say I’m Gay

Being an author here at YOB requires me to have homosexual attractions on some level, in some manner or another. That’s kind of our purpose here — to be men on the inside of this issue, telling stories of how we experience the world and go through life without giving in to our homosexual urges. […]

Giving My Kids the Sex Talk
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Giving My Kids the Sex Talk

Daddy, how are babies made? I was sitting on my living room floor with my three kids while my wife was out when my six-year-old daughter asked me this question. There was no real motivation for it — simply a thought that had popped into her mind. Nevertheless, I think she had been wondering about […]

Living (and Dying) in Community
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Living (and Dying) in Community

There are people in my life I don’t like very much. I don’t like talking to them and I don’t like spending much time with them. They wear on me. Our personalities clash. Christians often avoid admitting disliking anyone, especially in their community, but let’s be real here: some people drive us crazy. I don’t always […]

My Father Doesn’t Know Me
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My Father Doesn’t Know Me

I had a great childhood. I grew up in a Christian home with stable, loving parents who raised my brother and me to love the Lord, leading us in daily morning Bible studies. They both had somewhat difficult childhoods themselves and, as most parents do, they wanted to give their sons a better start in life than […]

Accountability Doesn’t Work
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Accountability Doesn’t Work

Growing up in the church, I learned that any problem with lust, porn, or masturbation could be alleviated with good accountability. The primary reason I remained entangled by these sexual vices was that I didn’t have enough accountability in my life. The more accountability I had, the more divine freedom would be made available to me […]

Let’s Talk About Penis Size
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Let’s Talk About Penis Size

When I was about ten or eleven years old, I showed my brother my penis. He was talking on the phone, and I wanted to freak him out and disrupt his conversation. I meant it entirely as a joke. In fact, I did this a few times whenever he got on the phone with somebody. […]

What I’ve Learned Since Getting Married
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What I’ve Learned Since Getting Married

I have struggled with writing this post for over a month now. This was supposed to be a continuation of my last post, sharing what I’ve learned from the turmoil I’ve faced since getting married back in 2009. But after writing and then rewriting everything, and then deleting it all, then wondering what the heck […]

I No Longer Want to Leave My Family for a Boyfriend
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I No Longer Want to Leave My Family for a Boyfriend

I stayed with my wife and our daughter in China for six months. Together. For those six months, I struggled with SSA, loving my wife, being sexual with a woman, and accepting my new roles as husband and father. It’s not that I didn’t love my wife — I did truly love her — but […]