Tom

I'm YOB's cofounder and editor, and I also host our two podcasts. I've written a couple books as Thomas Mark Zuniga, including a 2013 memoir in which I first came out. Once upon another universe I anonymously blogged about my faith and sexuality under the Xanga username, twoBeckonings. I'm an INFJ, Enneagram 4w5, and my spirit animal is the buffalo. I love to travel, and my favorite place in the world is the one where coffee and vulnerability meet. When I'm not wandering, I live in Asheville, North Carolina – the Jewel of the Blue Ridge.
The First Guy I Ever Crossed Physical Boundaries With
The First Guy I Ever Crossed Physical Boundaries With
I pictured him crying in his bed when he woke up that morning, or even going to bed crying right after leaving me; knowing I'd hurt him, knowing I'd been the one to cross physical boundaries. It destroyed me, if I'm honest.
The First Guy I Ever Slept With
The First Guy I Ever Slept With
Before visiting him, I can't remember our ever talking about what would happen at night. Cody had a bunkbed in his room, even though he lived alone. The top bunk was made for me when I arrived, but I didn't sleep in it once. It just sorta...happened.
The First Guy I Ever Cuddled With
The First Guy I Ever Cuddled With
Why didn't I have a friend like that to fulfill over two decades of touch-deprivation? Or was I even right to long for touch like that? Did that sort of touch between two men cross a line? Could two men cuddle without sinning or pushing boundaries?
Do I Regret Coming Out?
Do I Regret Coming Out?
If you were to ask me if I regret coming out in 2013, I'd answer a thousand times no. But for every thousand times no, I might also answer with one or two yesses. I don't miss the perpetual shadows of the closet. The secrecy. The shame. The constant playing along. But I do kinda miss the privacy. Like, whose business is it who I am or am not attracted to?
Anyone Else Feeling Super Tempted During COVID-19?
Anyone Else Feeling Super Tempted During COVID-19?
Anyone else feeling super tempted during this pandemic? Especially the longer this thing drags on? Because I'll be the first to raise my hand. I'm feeling super tempted. I'm feeling super restless. I'm actually feeling super-duper tempted and restless.
I've Never Tried to Pray the Gay Away
I’ve Never Tried to Pray the Gay Away
I've long heard a common refrain among fellow gay or SSA folks in the church, and it's something I've honestly never been able to relate with. That's not to put myself "above" others; it's just my reality. Many have tried to "pray the gay away," and I can't recall ever doing so. From a young age I felt a certain draw to the other boys, and while I felt shame for the lingering looks and daydreams, I never blamed God or even asked Him to take it away, add a splash of heterosexuality, or what have you.
Our Redesigned Site! Featuring Our Three Bedrocks
Our Redesigned Site! Featuring Our Three Bedrocks
After a long, cold, manly void of a winter, MANLY MONTHLY returns! I catch us up on the last couple months of blogs and podcasts, and I talk about the process of our site redesign – including the three bedrocks of Your Other Brothers embedded into our new logo. Huge thanks to Wesley Ayers for all his hard work on the new design!
Pornography, Promiscuity, Praise. Repeat.
Pornography, Promiscuity, Praise. Repeat.
It often feels like a self-fulfilling cycle of a formula: that as soon as I praise God, when I repent and I'm again "right" with Him, I'm back on an inevitable trajectory toward porn and promiscuity and the dark desires of my heart.
Thanksgiving is the Worst! And Also Yearlong.
Thanksgiving is the Worst! And Also Yearlong.
It's another edition of the Manly Monthly! Our recap of the month that was at Your Other Brothers and a dive into gratitude during what can be a hard holiday season. Also Tom waters his new plants and fights a wasp!
I'm Just Not That Into Physical Touch Anymore
I’m Just Not That Into Physical Touch Anymore
I actually find myself decreasingly needing — or even desiring — touch with other men. It's not completely gone, mind you. But the need/desire is considerably less. This is a fairly new development. I'm still unpacking the reasons, but I have some theories based on how my male friendships have transpired the last decade — many of them imploding.
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