Category: Lifestories

How I’ve Thrived in Intentional Community

If there’s one thing that stands out about me, it’s intentional community. As a single Christian guy with same-sex attraction, I find that I fight against sexual temptations much more effectively when living with other guys. I am much happier, too! But how does living with other guys work with all the potential problems?

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Naked and Unashamed in the Locker Room

For the longest time I felt afraid about the locker room setting. Part of my fear and shame came from body-image issues, as I was the “fat kid” most of my life. Part of my fear also came from my same-sex attraction – the fear for potential arousal. I was curious how the other guys looked but also ashamed and scared to be around them or be seen in my nakedness.

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I’m Tired of Always Understanding

I understand: this phrase could be my life’s motto. God has given me great ability as an empath to feel what others feel, even when I completely disagree with them. I’m not sure who first said it but the phrase, your greatest strength can also be your greatest weakness, rings true here.

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Coming Out and Confessing to My Pastor

He was sitting there waiting for me, like usual. My pastor asked if I was okay, though he knew I wasn’t. He could tell I was an emotional wreck, that I needed to get some stuff off my chest. I felt numb, this deep despair inside me, like all my energy had escaped me. I only had enough to meet with him on this particular day.

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I’m Just Not That Into Physical Touch Anymore

I actually find myself decreasingly needing — or even desiring — touch with other men. It’s not completely gone, mind you. But the need/desire is considerably less. This is a fairly new development. I’m still unpacking the reasons, but I have some theories based on how my male friendships have transpired the last decade — many of them imploding.

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Do I Like Physical Touch Now?

I’m feeling an ache from an empty space in my life. The ache seems to be crying out for something I haven’t felt much desire in — well, forever? I’m feeling a longing for affectionate, brotherly touch from another guy: a hug, an arm around the shoulder, a tight embrace, an encouraging pat on the back, a caring hand on my neck. And I have no idea why.

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The Day I Came Out to My Wife

And so, as we walked through a local park, barely past our first month of dating, I told her about my same-sex attraction. I told her of my failed dating history, that I wasn’t sure I could be attracted to women, that most men who were SSA, despite years of prayer and trying to make things work, would not be attracted to women and that my SSA would possibly never go away.

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