addiction

Self-Hatred and the Struggles of Being Gay
Self-Hatred and the Struggles of Being Gay
As a kid, I said a lot of derogatory things about LGBTQ+ people. I cringe at the things I remember saying. When I realized I was gay, all of that hatred that I showed to others turned in on myself. That realization drove me to reparative therapy. The logic makes sense: I hate gay people, I am gay — thus, I need to not be gay.
I'm Giving Up Masturbation for Lent
I’m Giving Up Masturbation for Lent
This Lent, I'm giving up masturbation. And I realize that might sound really wrong or off or like I clearly didn't grow up in a liturgical tradition and have no idea how this Lent thing even works. But regardless. I'm doing it. I'm not masturbating for the next few weeks. It may not quite be a "fast" by technical, theological terms. But it's a necessary refocusing.
I Hate Being a Sensitive Man Who Feels Things
I Hate Being a Sensitive Man Who Feels Things
I'm a sensitive man who feels things, feels things all the time, and no amount of oversleeping or overdrinking or pornography or promiscuity will turn me off.
Why I Don't Try Anymore
Why I Don’t Try Anymore
This week, Tom dives into goals and goal-setting. It's a winding journey of success and failure in matters of sexual temptation and otherwise. One little word, try, can prove fatal. Tom talks about making the switch from TRY to another, more personally beneficial three-letter word.
Cigarettes and the Stress of Same-Sex Attraction
Cigarettes and the Stress of Same-Sex Attraction
As I entered into ministry, I knew my SSA could end it all in one swift move. I hoped that instead of being rejected I would be loved. I hoped that people would notice their prejudice and change once they met me. I spent much time in prayer -- but also smoking.
When a Friendship Gets Tested
When a Friendship Gets Tested
All these ups and downs often caused me emotional pain. I had to take risks rather than stay safe and comfortable. My SSA made me feel weak and ineffective around all these straight guys. These painful things tested my friendship with James, too.
The Fetish I Can't Talk About
The Fetish I Can’t Talk About
I have a fetish, and I've had one for about as long as I can remember. I have a "thing" that, in itself, isn't quite sexual in nature. But I fetishize that thing. I idolize it a lot, fantasizing for this thing, turning what was never meant to be sexualized on a dial that was never meant to be dialed.
How My Porn Addiction Began
How My Porn Addiction Began
What started that night was three years of an unchecked porn addiction. I never felt guilty. I don't know why. Perhaps because I felt like I wasn't hurting anyone?
The Thing I Learned from My Friend's Addiction
The Thing I Learned from My Friend’s Addiction
As addicts often do, Jake used my older friend Jeremy's sexuality to manipulate him.
Losing the Greatest Community of My Life
Losing the Greatest Community of My Life
It was an SSA guy’s dream, being close friends with ten straight guys. We had our ups and downs, but our community shared a deep intimacy.
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