He was never physically affectionate; we’d never even hugged. I wanted to touch him not out of a sexual desire but from a longing to connect with him as love with a brother. I dreamed of a day when we could embrace and confess our brotherly love for each other. I put my hand on his shoulder once. He brushed it off.
As I entered into ministry, I knew my SSA could end it all in one swift move. I hoped that instead of being rejected I would be loved. I hoped that people would notice their prejudice and change once they met me. I spent much time in prayer -- but also smoking.
What I thought was a total "God thing" to help me through my life and financial crisis ended up being a big flop. I felt like a total failure, my mind reminded by all the stuff I'd endured when told I couldn't become a leader because of my past. I had to deal with that nightmare once again.
Some of the happiest periods of my life took place during college and grad school. I lived with a group of eight guys, and they were the greatest friends one could ask for. As their dating relationships grew more serious, I felt myself going down on their list of priorities. Some of those friends got married. And our friendships effectively ended.
I don't want sex with another man like I don't want sex with a woman. And most days I just need someone to tell me that's okay.
It is very desirable and even possible for me to have a decades-long friendship with a straight guy...even though he is married and I am not.
My former girlfriend dumped me and was now with my best male friend. Had I been betrayed by both of them?
I would look and feel more "normal" if married. I would definitely fit into the Christian world better. So, I decided to try out dating a girl.
Among myriad other losses I could mourn about, I consider how I'm almost 30 and ache over this lack-of-experience that I've never been kissed.
I had never really liked a girl like this. I had attempted dating girls before...but this time, I was seriously head over heels for this girl.