Tom hits the road and talks with longtime friend Matt in the same room! The guys cover their weekend together in the Land of Enchantment (New Mexico), from the magical Balloon Fiesta to mystical White Sands National Park and multiple church services interspersed! The guys reminisce on 12 years of friendship, affirming one another for the growth they’ve seen in the other. They also discuss straight guys in the backseat yearning for hot girls, sharing adventures with others versus going them alone, and Jesus' fulfilling the Tabernacle of old.
We open the scroll on our favorite Scripture stories once again, this time with Tom being joined by Ryan and Aaron! We discuss several Old Testament stories like Abraham and Isaac, Jonah, Hosea and Gomer, and Mephibosheth, as well as some New Testament stories like the man born blind, and Jesus and John at the Last Supper. How do these stories hit us in the crosshairs of our faith, sexuality, and masculinity?
Tom welcomes back Marshall to talk about things DEFINITELY NOT related to the Enneagram whatsoever. Marshall catches us up with his busy life on the farm, including a major life update of a dear friend’s impending marriage. Marshall shares both the negative and positive emotions involved in this coming change to the friendship, including being asked to be a groomsman. He reads from John 3:29 and discusses his joy as a "friend of the bridegroom," and the guys discuss the effects of marriage on a mostly single/celibate community like YOB.
We never really talked about sex in any capacity, as in which girls we liked, or how our disabilities intertwined with our sexuality. The topic was a moot one, sometimes uncomfortably so. Eventually, I had the dreaded conversation with my friend. You know the one: "I'm gay but acting on such feelings goes against what I believe as a follower of Jesus." My friend then came out to me as well! He also didn't want to act on such feelings.
Aaron discusses the anxiety surrounding his sexuality through the years, including coming out to others as an adult and coming out to himself in high school. He also shares openly about taking medication to help with his anxiety. Throughout the episode we read lots of YOBBER feedback, much of it centering around anxious attachment with other men: how much ongoing reassurance is needed for the relationship, and how much is unhealthy? We talk a lot about fear in this episode, particularly relational fear and this ability to live out a Side B life, but also of courage and comfortability and the Six's ability to be incredibly loyal and steadfast! Perhaps if YOB and the greater "Side B" movement endure through the years, Type Sixes will be a big reason why.
For so many years I thought I was just dirty, lustful, and awful for thinking all these terrible sexual thoughts. I was filled with constant shame because the sexually intrusive thoughts kept coming. The realization that I can actually, with practice, redirect my own thoughts, is more freeing than I can write.
It was the first song I'd ever heard that touched upon my most simple yet desperate longing; buried beneath the pangs of my sexuality, a clear yet unattainable desire – to have a best buddy, someone who tells me he wants to be with me, someone to goof off with, someone to sit beside in a country field. Someone by my side when I'm hurting.
Since so much of the Two's identity is tied to other people, we dive into this realm of "relating with other men" more than any other episode of this series. In particular, how does a Two respond to that precious loss in male friendship? How does a Two feel a sense of belonging with a community? How important is coming out for a Two? Wes also shares about the Two's relating with God: does a Two feel beautiful in God's eyes or merely tolerable to His purposes? How does the Two experience pride and manipulation in times of stress, and how does the Two experience self-care that isn't selfish during times of growth?
Jesse discusses his inclination to order and perfection and how that has translated to a need to "clean up" before God, particularly with his sexuality. He shares his love for lists and how he's only recently begun to prioritize tending to his sexual and gender identity. He talks about his messy stress path into Four as well as his security into Seven, including how he embraces a more spontaneous, adventure-seeking nature with his guy friends -- but only for two hours at a time.
Phillip Henry died yesterday at 29 years of age. That was the short, somber text message on my phone. No! Not Phillip! I thought. He was such a close friend. That last thought was only a half-truth. My friendship with Phillip had only just begun, and I'd had such hopes for it. Now, he was gone.