How do I deal with unmet sexual desire? It's a question which led me to ask, what is my sexual desire? Of course, "sexual desire" is a category with a lot of things in it. "There's a lot of different fish in that bucket," I told myself. But let's not call it a bucket. Let's call it an aquarium so all the fish have plenty of room to swim around, and so we can get a good look at them.
Here's one vocabulary term I've taken away from therapy: euphoric recall. I'd never heard that phrase until last year, and it gives language to this nebulous internal struggle I've faced since my first bout with pornography at 19.
For so many years I thought I was just dirty, lustful, and awful for thinking all these terrible sexual thoughts. I was filled with constant shame because the sexually intrusive thoughts kept coming. The realization that I can actually, with practice, redirect my own thoughts, is more freeing than I can write.
Jesse discusses his inclination to order and perfection and how that has translated to a need to "clean up" before God, particularly with his sexuality. He shares his love for lists and how he's only recently begun to prioritize tending to his sexual and gender identity. He talks about his messy stress path into Four as well as his security into Seven, including how he embraces a more spontaneous, adventure-seeking nature with his guy friends -- but only for two hours at a time.
Phillip Henry died yesterday at 29 years of age. That was the short, somber text message on my phone. No! Not Phillip! I thought. He was such a close friend. That last thought was only a half-truth. My friendship with Phillip had only just begun, and I'd had such hopes for it. Now, he was gone.
Ryan compares himself to how Julia Roberts orders eggs in Runaway Bride, and he also pleads with other types to let him just enjoy his wrong restaurant order! He discusses the Nine's ability to "merge" with other people's passions and personalities in a loss of personal identity, and we read some extensive YOBBER feedback that exchanges "peace" for "unity" as a Nine's primary motivator. We discuss some other feedback about coming out publicly as a Nine versus coming out selectively to "keep the peace." What happens at a church after Ryan comes out and serves in the children's ministry, and some parents are acting a little off? Finally, Ryan shares about the Nine's fear of neediness as he reacts to the neediness in others.
We’ve referenced it again and again for dozens of episodes, and now we’re finally devoting an entire episode to the Enneagram! We open up the Enneagram box and share what we’ve found helpful for our personal growth in this trendy personality system. How does the Enneagram impact our self-awareness? And how does this self-awareness impact our view of others? Join Tom, Ryan, and Ben for an overview of the Enneagram! We dive into the stats of all the types in our community and share a little about our own types. And get ready for the YOB ConvoCast summer series to come, featuring discussions with each of the nine types in our community!
Who am I? This could be a question for self-edification or self-deprecation. A question answered with set shoulders and proud confidence, or a rhetorical question asked to oneself at the depths of loneliness and despair. The best way I have determined to answer that question is I am...loved by God.
He's the guy who has clarified my boundaries with cuddling and physical touch more than any other. The guy from whom I've sought comfort in touch more than any other. The guy who has made me feel seen and warm and laugh and cry like no other. He's the first (and to this point, only) guy I've fallen in love with.
I still have that Link costume somewhere in my closet. Perhaps it's the wandering through the woods that I love, the isolation, the music; or, perhaps it's something deeper that has stuck with me after all these years. Perhaps it's that I feel like the protagonist: adrift in time, unsure whether I'm a child or a man. This is how I feel as I move back into my childhood bedroom – the place where my sexual trauma occurred.