high school

My Straight Friend Won't Touch Me
My Straight Friend Won’t Touch Me
He was never physically affectionate; we’d never even hugged. I wanted to touch him not out of a sexual desire but from a longing to connect with him as love with a brother. I dreamed of a day when we could embrace and confess our brotherly love for each other. I put my hand on his shoulder once. He brushed it off.
Discovering Vulnerable Community for the First Time
Discovering Vulnerable Community for the First Time
Back in high school, I lived a double life. I enjoyed spending time with my friends and the youth group at my church. But I also spent time looking at porn, questioning how I fit in with guys, and lacking any strong sense of masculinity. The summer after my junior year, I decided to volunteer at a nearby camp. Having never attended this camp -- or any camp – as a camper, I had only vague expectations for my first week. It was a Christian camp so what could be bad about it, right? Driving down that gravel road, though, all the fears and insecurities came rushing at me.
Starting My Teenage Double Life
Starting My Teenage Double Life
As my childhood entered a big transition phase, I started dealing with it through unhealthy self-reliance. This created a sort of double life.
When Self-Reliance Was My Norm
When Self-Reliance Was My Norm
I was honestly lonely then, but I pretended like I wasn't. Self-reliance unconsciously became my norm.
Discovering the Heart of My Nudist Desires
Discovering the Heart of My Nudist Desires
My nudist desires have never been entirely sexual. I've long known that it comes from a deep desire for intimacy. To be known fully as a man by other men.
When the Attractive Cashier is More than an Attractive Cashier
When the Attractive Cashier is More Than an Attractive Cashier
He's an attractive cashier but he's more than just an attractive cashier. This attractive cashier personifies much of my struggle for the past 20 years.
On Being Banned from Youth Ministry
Banned from Youth Ministry
I was told I couldn't serve in various areas of ministry, including the youth ministry and being around the younger children at the church.
Keeping Healthy Boundaries with Another SSA Guy
Keeping Healthy Boundaries with Another SSA Guy
We were always careful to keep appropriate, healthy boundaries even though we knew we were not sexually attracted to each other. I think we were just cautious of others gossiping if we appeared to be too close. Unfortunately, churches like ours are especially prone to gossip about SSA guys.
Why I Like to Look Good
Why I Like to Look Good
I hated the way I looked! I was a skinny, fearful, awkward, shy person who wished I could look good like the athletic, muscular, confident guys.
Why I'm Afraid to Take Off My Shirt
Why I’m Afraid to Take Off My Shirt
Somewhere around seventh grade, I told my family I hated swimming. The real reason was just too silly and shameful. I hated having to take off my shirt.
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