When you are 60, you'd think that you no longer experience growth spurts. It's more recognizing life's process of devolution and slow decay, at least on the outside. This year’s YOBBERS retreat was not about expecting profound change, or gaining insights into myself and God that I would carry home; rather, it was seizing an opportunity to meet a group of men with whom I had dialogued, listened to, and only seen in postage stamp-sized pictures on Zoom – men of faith who share a common struggle to live the sexual ethic of the Gospels as they understand it.
Tom welcomes back fellow FOUR-TIME retreat-goer Eugene to recap our recently held YOBBERS retreat. Eugene shares a glimpse into his artist’s process handling retreat decor like glow-in-the-dark nametags and tribe stones, which turned out a tad slimier and stickier this year. Our tribe times were the favorite block of the retreat this year, from heartfelt discussions to the new silly photo contest! Eugene also catches us up on a new development in his life back home: joining a porn/sex support group with all straight guys.
It was surreal meeting brothers who I know better than many of my closest friends. We went from Zoom calls and private messages to meeting and communicating in person for the first time. I've been on many Christian retreats, and I have to say this one was spent with the kindest men. We shared a common experience as gay/SSA men, along with a real sense that each of us wanted to give all the other men a respite from the daily trials of life, if even for two days.
I guess we're really doing this again, I thought, this whole retreat thing. Is this officially an annual event now? Can I handle that? Goodness, can I really put on a retreat every year for the rest of my life? Or need I only focus on this year's retreat, letting tomorrow's retreat worry for itself? I entered this fourth camp retreat in perhaps my most unhealthy headspace of the four. I felt rushed in the preparation, behind on all the decor and planning which led to a lot of sacrificed self-care, too. Because how can I sleep or eat or exercise or socialize at the same capacity with such a mammoth task at hand?!
Michael makes his ConvoCast debut as one of YOB's newer bloggers and a fiercely established welcomer in our community! He shares with Tom about his love for Seattle and how his dog Rumour will not be making an appearance in this episode. Tom recounts meeting Michael for the first time at the 2019 YOBBERS retreat, including the brave moment when Michael "came out" to the whole group, and the guys share their excitements and anxieties for our upcoming retreat just a couple weeks away!
Tom welcomes back Marshall to talk about things DEFINITELY NOT related to the Enneagram whatsoever. Marshall catches us up with his busy life on the farm, including a major life update of a dear friend’s impending marriage. Marshall shares both the negative and positive emotions involved in this coming change to the friendship, including being asked to be a groomsman. He reads from John 3:29 and discusses his joy as a "friend of the bridegroom," and the guys discuss the effects of marriage on a mostly single/celibate community like YOB.
After a summer of Enneagram ConvoCasts, we’re back with a new YOBcast! It's a two-part episode where we dive into some stories in Scripture that speak to us as SSA/LGBT+ people of faith wrestling with these matters of sexuality and masculinity. For Part 1, Tom is joined by Ben and Will to discuss Hagar, Rahab, the woman at the well, and the early church.
All the other gay films I'd watched were nice, but this was the first gay film I watched and thought: I wish I knew what it was like to be in a relationship. All the other men I've ended up with were only about sex. I didn't care about them or their feelings, much like the son at the beginning of this film. This film brought up feelings I never knew I even had or wanted, for that matter.
We never really talked about sex in any capacity, as in which girls we liked, or how our disabilities intertwined with our sexuality. The topic was a moot one, sometimes uncomfortably so. Eventually, I had the dreaded conversation with my friend. You know the one: "I'm gay but acting on such feelings goes against what I believe as a follower of Jesus." My friend then came out to me as well! He also didn't want to act on such feelings.
I spent nearly three decades of my life sexually involved with other guys, and even longer than that attracted to them, and in all that time I never once considered Pride Month or attending any Pride parades or events. Part of that thinking is because I was raised in the South in the 60's and 70's, and in the Black community particularly acting like a homosexual was strictly taboo. Gay men would either stay on the down-low or be total flamers because they didn't care what people thought. I was the former, someone on the DL.