After the funeral, I felt almost paralyzed. I just couldn't force myself to lead at the house. James needed me to lead and be a help to him, so he confronted me on being too passive. I admitted he was right, but I felt unable to get beyond my emotions and lead others. Things degenerated until James and I barely talked.
In this episode of Manly Monday, Tom dives into the fourth of our five YOB values — courage. A value that goes hand-in-hand with our final value, vulnerability. In order to embrace vulnerability, however, one must first take courage. Watch as Tom talks about rollercoasters, public speaking, and Holy Spirit promptings.
What would it look like for my distant tribe to be gathered together? Didn't God long to change our shame into praise and renown? "Gather us," I prayed. I prayed that my scattered and lost tribe would be drawn together, our fortunes restored before our eyes. It was a prayer for my own benefit, but also for all of us.
All these ups and downs often caused me emotional pain. I had to take risks rather than stay safe and comfortable. My SSA made me feel weak and ineffective around all these straight guys. These painful things tested my friendship with James, too.
In this episode of Manly Monday, Tom talks about the second of our five YOB values — humility. In humility, we learn to look beyond ourselves and our stories as we trust another Author with a bigger story. In humility, we fight against what fiercely interferes with our relationship with our Maker: pride.
A straight and very strong "alpha male" type leader has constantly challenged me to go beyond what is safe and comfortable to accomplish more of what really matters. We started becoming close friends, so I shared with him that I deal with same-sex attraction.
By the end of the conference, I felt rejuvenated and refreshed. All the messages were so powerful and challenging, like God had opened my heart for a heart and soul operation. My best friend and I returned home, and I thought this would strengthen our friendship in the months to come.
I'm always thankful for God leading my friends closer to Him; sometimes, though, I wish that didn't mean actually moving them.
"Maybe God brought me here just to meet you," my new friend, Henry, said plainly. "I mean, it's probably not just for that reason, but who knows?"
"We want you to help us reach LGBT people," my pastor said. "It's our belief that this is your true calling. And we want to help you."