I still get tense and nervous and start shaking just thinking about coming out again. Some days it's better; other days it's not.
I love sports and competition. I love the push, the struggle, the fight toward victory. I love how my chest burns when I'm on the brink of exhaustion.
After going through all the crap my church threw at me, however, my love of the Lord lessened and my love of sex grew again. I crashed and burned.
I did my best not to break down, but I could feel the tears falling down my face. I sucked it up, took a deep breath, and walked out of the church.
I was told I couldn't serve in various areas of ministry, including the youth ministry and being around the younger children at the church.
Before I applied for SOM, some friends were talking to me about becoming a Bible study leader. I grew thrilled at the idea of leading and serving there.
I don't get wet dreams when I masturbate regularly; they only happen when I don't. Like when it happened last week.
I've been sexually sober for over 100 days now — not a lick of masturbation, pornography, or promiscuity — and I get a lot of questions like HOW I DO IT.
I am in recovery. And like the alcoholic with a beer or a drug addict with a joint, I cannot expect to masturbate every now and then and beat this addiction.
There was a split in who I thought I was and who I was thought to be. I fought to be straight and prove to everyone nothing is wrong with me. I'm normal.