I am not interested in a new machismo, finding a new way to be a man, a new way of determining what a real man is and isn’t.
I've noticed a couple different aspects of when we pray together. About the unique power in the fact that I go to God with brothers at my side.
It is difficult to be present with people you know will grow uninterested in you. It is difficult to develop friendships knowing your value is temporary.
Sometimes it’s as if "coming out" and getting rid of the wall between my same-sex attractions and the rest of me will somehow make my sexuality more real.
I still get tense and nervous and start shaking just thinking about coming out again. Some days it's better; other days it's not.
I love sports and competition. I love the push, the struggle, the fight toward victory. I love how my chest burns when I'm on the brink of exhaustion.
I bought a house. I'm officially living IN the city! I've had a roommate since day one. He's a great friend and brother in Christ.
So, as it turns out, I still don't know who I am. And with two decades now under my belt, I have come to the conclusion that I don't know who I want to be.
It just seems we forget to say it or are embarrassed to say it or maybe sometimes I'm just not "man enough" to say it: I love you.
There was a split in who I thought I was and who I was thought to be. I fought to be straight and prove to everyone nothing is wrong with me. I'm normal.