Recent Comments

  • AvatarMike on The First Time I Downloaded a Gay Dating AppBig thanks for sharing your story, Tom! Your experience reminded me one story from my teenage years. While living an “active gay life” in the age of 16, I used some famous dating apps (probably, the same “Fluffy”, too). I liked to chat with gay people from different cities and countries. But once I was really bored, so I made a fake profile. I uploaded some photos I took from the internet (btw which were of a trans man) and started liking other people. Very quickly I started chatting with a guy from Russia. He said a lot of compliments...
  • AvatarMicah on To Recognize the Fairness of MenBeautiful post. My pastor just preached on Psalm 45 a couple days ago, but I never thought about this verse or noticed it in the lovely way you share here. Thanks for sharing a small part of your story and encouraging us to use the beauty of other men as icons to point to the transcendent beauty of Christ. I sometimes wonder if my attraction to men is a small foretaste of the eternal beauty I'll find in the perfect man of Jesus as a member of his coming bride, the church. In that way, my sexuality does benefit me...
  • TomTom on What Do I Do With My Male Crushes?"I just want You to bless him" is such a powerful line to pray. To admit my self-seeking desires, but to desire his good above all else.
  • AvatarMike on What Do I Do With My Male Crushes?Thank you for this text! I find myself in a very similar situation. Though during my teenage years I had homosexual relationships, after my converting to Christianity, when I stopped living an active gay life, I tried to pretend I don’t like men. Of course, even after becoming a Christian I had gay crushes (and once it was even mutual), but I tried to convince myself those were just “strong friendly affections”. Just now I see what a mistake it was. It took me time to stop escaping my own homosexuality. And now, when I came out to myself again,...
  • TomTom on YOB ConvoCast 081: Tom & Andrew Review “Heartstopper” and Discuss Asexuality!Thanks for your comment here, Blest. I don't see any comments from you in January. Sometimes our comments don't load properly. We hope to resolve this issue with a new website later this year! Shoot me an email any time: tom [at] yourotherbrothers [dotcom] In the meantime, it's moving to hear your honoring your covenant with your wife. God bless you, brother.
  • AvatarJoel on Uncovering the Soul Wound of My SexualityHmm I haven't visited YOB in quite some years now, but I like seeing what some of you are going through. A lot of posts here still resonate with me as someone who has walked away from traditional beliefs. I still go to church but as a bisexual I refuse to let other people bring me down. I hold the belief that real brothers and sisters would never judge me for something completely outside of my control. That's why I can't agree with this part in your post: "You can walk away from all of this, a voice said to...
  • AvatarBlestman on YOB ConvoCast 081: Tom & Andrew Review “Heartstopper” and Discuss Asexuality!I commented to YOB back in January, 2024 -- I think. I didn't follow up much because I thought it was a dead-end, and I couldn't find anyone answering my questions. I take care of my disabled, very alert 90 year old wife, who is a real gift from God. I am 80, but feel like I'm still in my 40's. Yesterday was the 81st anniversary of my father's death, so I was born 5 months later. I'm still looking for a father's love, closeness and intimacy (not sexual!!) Pleasing the LORD is the most important thing in my life,...
  • TomTom on Uncovering the Soul Wound of My SexualityThanks for sharing that, Don. I'm sorry for those multiple betrayals. That's rough. While it's an exhilaration like no other when our loved ones receive us in our struggles and mess, the flip-side is a proportional sort of devastating. I mourn with you, brother.
  • AvatarDon on Uncovering the Soul Wound of My SexualityThank you for sharing such a vulnerable story. I have similar stories over the course of my sixty or so years of self awareness. I loved silent. Over the years I had a dozen or so close friends who I thought I could trust that I confided in. Each in turn abandoned me when I would explain my childhood and the struggle. I suspect after the most recent I will never be able to manage the courage again. The last three were so close and I was certain they would love me through it. Their abandonment was such a betrayal....
  • AvatarJerry Armelli on Why Do I Have These Sexual Dreams?Thank you, Michael for sharing about your dreams. I have been in ministry for many years and throughout that time NUMEROUS men have shared their dreams with me that left them with MANY questions and feelings of confusion, shame, and upset. I struggles with unwanted sexual dreams for MANY years. One of my most upsetting dreams was a reoccurring dream of incest. It was highly disturbing. I dug deep into the Bible and everything it said about dreams. I found much insight and understanding about dreams thus my dreams. I was able to put into practice dynamics during my awake...
  • AvatarMac on What Do I Still Believe About Bro Cuddling?I have had a chance to cuddle with two guys on separate occasions when I was on holiday. The first time was in 2018 and I was spending the night at a hotel in Austin, Texas. My friend lived in the city and came out to my hotel for a cuddle session. He didn't spend the night with me, but being our first cuddle I was glad he didn't stay longer. Our cuddling together was SO AWKWARD. We kept shifting positions trying to get comfortable while also trying for some threshold of intimacy. We really could have used your advice...
  • TomTom on I Crushed on Him Before I Knew I Was GayThat's a good distinction, Steven. I've been tempted to tell certain guys I'm "crushing" on them too, but it really is just a heightened form of delight that can be exciting/confusing/all the things. Better to just lean into that delight than unnecessarily bring someone else into my misplaced eroticism.
  • AvatarMichael on Why I’m Afraid to Take Off My ShirtI have not taken off my top in public for about 33 years, and it will never happen. I am too f***ing gross
  • AvatarKaleb on 5 Times My Heart Has Swelled as a ManThanks, Frank. Those are good points and you probably identified exactly the reasons why I had misgivings. He would either reject it and I’d feel like a fool or accept it but hide it from his girlfriend or “lose” it, which would hurt me and still feel like a fool. Or maybe he would appreciate it. But that’s a big maybe. I could ask him, though he isn’t one to make creative decisions so I think it would go nowhere probably. But yeah, maybe if I explain I would do the same as him he might warm up to the...
  • AvatarSteven C on I Crushed on Him Before I Knew I Was GayI'm out to my crush, but not about my crush on him. I was going to tell him, but my spiritual director said no. I'm glad he did, as I think I was making it some kind of bad erotic thing. In reality, I think it's just that I really delight in him and am not used to that. I need to have more of that with other people.
  • AvatarFrank on 5 Times My Heart Has Swelled as a ManOut of care for you as a brother, I think you would be setting yourself up for major heartache, both because of the surprise factor and the marital association of a ring. It could be pure magic, but it could very well be a disaster. Can you ask your friend, “I want to do something to commemorate our friendship, what would that look like for you?” I mean, wouldn’t it be something you both wear/present anyway? Like those old “Best Friend” medallions split in half and each wears half. But your friend deserves buy-in, no surprises, and nothing that for...
  • AvatarKaleb on 5 Times My Heart Has Swelled as a ManHere is a question for you… This summer my best friend and I will have been friends for ten years. He is very cool and hilarious and I’m blessed to be his friend this long. I’m planning a fun day with him and I had this idea that might be crazy, but maybe not. Would it be strange if I gave my friend a ring to commemorate our friendship? To clarify, he has a girlfriend and daughter and would likely not be on this website. So I’m not sure how it might come across. We have shared some platonic intimacy...
  • AvatarTom on How My First 29 Years of Sex Addiction EndsThanks for sharing. Been struggling with sex addiction too. I've joined sex addicts anonymous and 12 step programme. I've learned that shame and childhood trauma are the root cause for that addiction...
  • TomTom on What I Want from My Perfect Fantasy GuyLove this, Anthony. Inviting God into our imaginations and desires is a beautiful, if not extremely vulnerable, thing.
  • TomTom on Where the Sparrow Finds a HomeThis blog feels like the long-awaited ORIGIN STORY for our podcast and many of our community's inside jokes. Love all of this, Keegan. I also enjoy visualizing a sparrow the size of a raven.
  • AvatarMicah on Where the Sparrow Finds a HomeBeautiful words, Keegan. I frequently feel small and overlooked in my struggles by the church, but it's a great reminder that my focus should stay on God, Who doesn't overlook me and my struggles. "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted."
  • Avatarr_river on I Crushed on Him Before I Knew I Was GayGrande história, irmão! Vulnerabilidade física ainda mexe comigo, mas também me sinto grato quando um irmão tem coragem em expor sua nudez para mim... É um sinal de amizade e confiança!
  • AvatarLarry Johnston on I Crushed on Him Before I Knew I Was GayThis is absolutely beautiful Sam. So many memories if similar experiences. Thank you for sharing yours. ❤
  • AvatarAnthony on What I Want from My Perfect Fantasy GuyWhat about making that fantasy into a prayer experience with Jesus? I don't mean fantasizing about the Lord, but inviting Him into imaginative prayer - asking Him how He might fulfill that longing in a holy way. Any time it turns towards lustful behavior can be rebuked as temptation not from God, but the Lord can absolutely offer holy, masculine, companionship (He did so with John at the Last Supper) - it seems to me that He is no less willing to offer that to us, even if only in prayer this side of heaven.
  • AvatarSteven C on What Do I Do With My Male Crushes?I've been struggling with the crush feelings towards one of my best friends for a few years now. Sometimes I wanted to shut him out of my life. (My priest friend said no.) Sometimes I wanted to proclaim my undying love for him (My spiritual director said no). Ultimately I'm learning that I see him as my big brother. I value his presence in my life and our level of vulnerability. I need that connection. For more fleeting people out in the world, somewhat like Qothelet, my priest friend and St Agustine seem to be in agreement that we praise...
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