Recent Comments

R.B. on Why I Do the Sexual Things I DoBrother Tom, So much of your story touches my heart (I almost said more than you know -but you do know). So much of what I have gone through I see in what you wrote above. I just came across your website. I have long been crying out to God like many of you, for deliverance, for redemption. I thought I was delivered from homosexual temptations for a few years and then I fell into them again (masturbation and porn) when life got hard and I was going through many trials. I want to speak of a few things I...
tw on Does Nudity Build Community? My Experience of Cultural Nudity at a Liberty University DormWhen I was in college, I was too insecure, too self-conscious, and too "spiritual" to put myself into any situations where there might be nudity. Now that I'm older, more comfortable with my body, and more open-minded, I don't have opportunities for nakedness around other men.
Adrian Atelo on Why I Do the Sexual Things I DoMy story is your story Tom. One of painful male intimacy lack growing up. I’ve tried, God I’ve tried with a myriad of male relationships both gay and straight to no avail! The ugly void only *grew* for me paradoxically. It just became an ugly addiction with me. It was tiresome and draining. I stopped. I realized I was doing male friendships wrong. I was needing them to fill that emptiness from long ago. But I wasn’t nine anymore. Neither were they! For me, only an intimacy offered by God fills that void. Papa fills it daily. But the onus...
r_river on Does Nudity Build Community? My Experience of Cultural Nudity at a Liberty University DormNeste domingo, na Igreja Católica, foi lido esse evangelho que relata a terceira apararicao do Ressuscitado...E Pedro peladão e de boa diante dos irmão de fé... Nada mais natural, não é?
r_river on Does Nudity Build Community? My Experience of Cultural Nudity at a Liberty University DormObrigado pelo post, irmão Acho que os momentos em que pude compartilhar a nudez com outros caras, mesmo que não tão frequentemente quanto eu gostaria, foi uma benção para mim... Quanto maior a naturalidade, melhor... Ajudou-me a compreender que sou tão homem quanto qualquer cara, mesmo eu não sendo hétero nem anatomicamente bem dotado.
Dave on Does Nudity Build Community? My Experience of Cultural Nudity at a Liberty University DormI attended Liberty as well (early 90s) and had my first real exposure to male nudity there. It didn't have the same culture of nudism as you described, but I did see quite a few naked guys. This was pre-Internet, and I was amazed at the variety because I hadn't seen many naked men before then. For me, seeing those guys, the sin was more envy and coveting what I don't have. The nudism also involved quite a bit of teasing. I'm a stereotypical geek... skinny, glasses, always reading type, so I was often the brunt of jokes. I remember...
Joy Sharnin on Why I Do the Sexual Things I DoTom--I just wanted to thank you for the book recommendation of "Unwanted". I dove directly into chapter 3 and started learning stuff about myself right away. I am obviously nobody's brother, so I'll say "bye now". Thank you.
Ian UK on YOB ConvoCast 100: Tom & Ryan Tease the Topics to Come!Hi, Tom and Ryan It was great to hear you both on the same Convocast again. I really enjoyed the episode. Thank you. I think that all of the issues which you raised are worth researching and discussing on future podcasts. Where the queasy-making subject of human-AI relationships is concerned, there was an excellent TV drama series here in the UK between 2015 and 2018 called Humans. It explored many different aspects of the imagined introduction of ‘synths’ (synthetic humans) to a future Britain. One aspect was sexual relationships and sex between humans and synths. The subject was treated with...
Keep it up!🙌🏼❤️ on YOB ConvoCast 100: Tom & Ryan Tease the Topics to Come!Hey Tom & Ryan! Loved the show and you have lots of great topics! I was asked to join a group of artists that would usually draw a nude figure, but this time all the artists would be nude and we would draw a clothed person! I wanted to...but didn't know if I could handle it. (there was this one artist) I don't know if I could do an interview in the nude...but if I do...I better do it quick cause I'm already 63 years old and you may not want to see my naked body! But dang...I could sure...
Steven C on Does Nudity Build Community? My Experience of Cultural Nudity at a Liberty University DormThe last time my friends and I saw each other naked was in the 9th grade gym showers. I was so scared leading up to class, but it really wasn't an issue for me (thanks be to God). While it helped me to be a little more relaxed, it didn't really change my relationship with them. 20+ years later I've been struggling lately with wanting to see certain friends naked. Part of it is curiosity, and part is this idea that it will bring me closer to them (and not having seen is a shortcoming in our current friendship). But...
David on Does Nudity Build Community? My Experience of Cultural Nudity at a Liberty University DormI attended a Christian college in Tennessee, where my dorm featured open shower bays. These bays became bonding spaces for us as we turned them into makeshift saunas. At times, we would gather in the showers and sing together. We often roamed the hallways and played card games while naked. I felt a stronger connection with those men, especially since I had grown up without brothers. Throughout history, from ancient Greeks and Romans to today, men have gathered, competed, and bathed together in the nude. I often think about the passage in John 21:7, where Peter stripped down for work....
Steven C on Men’s Fashion as Self-Acceptance: Or, How I Learned to Love ColorAndrew, I don't know that I've seen the literal and figuratively closets so beautifully intertwined in a post. Honestly, I'm not great with fashion. I tend to wear similar things for years. But this kind of gives me some more room to think, as I've struggled with feeling too thin (and hence unmasculine).
Damien on Why I Do the Sexual Things I DoI couldn’t help but tear up reading this. I identify with so many aspects of your story: feeling othered, desiring access to masculinity, and the overall sense of wanting a friend. Thank you for sharing - you are a blessing, sir!
Graham on Why I Do the Sexual Things I DoHi Tom. I am just now finding your writing here and I just want to thank you for sharing so openly and honestly. I, too, was a boy stealing away in TJ Maxx to look at models on the underwear packaging and have gone through periods of feeling deeply drawn to talk online with other guys about masturbating and underwear and whatnot. I've also found a lot of confidence increase in me in recent years as I have started to give myself permission to be the man that I have always found so attractive, the one I never felt like...
r_river on Why I Do the Sexual Things I DoOlá, irmãos! Tom, que relato interessante! Fez-me lembrar de minhas primeiras curiosidades, também experimentadas mediante anúncios de roupas de baixo masculinas, em revistas impressas. Ainda hoje, acho muito atraente ver imagens de homens seminus (cueca ou traje de banho), ou nus artístico. Permita-me apenas discordar um pouco da relação causal entre a masculinidade fragilizada na infância e a atração pelo mesmo sexo. Tempos atrás isso fazia muito sentido para mim, mas fui deixando um pouco de lado essa crença. Grande abraço!
AJ on Why I Do the Sexual Things I DoI share your pattern. I have been down the same reflection pathway after listening to the Husband Material podcast. I have come to the conclusion that my roulette habits are a way for me to be in an environment where I understand the "rules". I know how to gain approval. All I have to do is sacrifice my dignity and boundaries. Then, as you said, I'm rewarded with fake intimacy. I have learned to watch myself and see when I'm beginning to feel isolated from the "normal" world. It's like a glass bubble surrounds me, and I feel like I...
Troy on The Story of my Rape as an 8-Year-Old BoyDear Michael. Your title and share mean more to me than you can possibly know, as at age eight I, too, was molested by two older teen boys then ultimately raped by one of them on one final occasion. Our healing journey is helped by hearing stories of similar violations of trust and heartbreak, especially at the very same age of victimhood and innocence. God bless you in your continue healing journey towards survivorship. Thank you for your courageous honesty. Serenity and blessings, my brother.
Troy on The Story of the Man I Once Called DadMichael. Thank you for sharing your deeply personal, profound thoughts, feelings, and circumstances. Wow, "Father Wounds" are at the heart of so many of our life journeys filled with challenge and struggle. It is helpful to and healing for us all in this beautiful ministry to hear what and how the stories of others can help us understand ourselves better. Opportunities for acceptance and growth. Where forgiveness may be extended and wholeness may be closer and achievable. Lastly, it begs the question, what may have been Bernard's own Father Wounds. Perhaps, those answers may further allow us to recognize the...
M on Male Nudity Will Fix MeThis and some of your other articles are scarily similar to my own experience. I thought I was the only one. Is there anywhere people can talk and message about this rather than in a public comment section like this?
Troy on Why I Do the Sexual Things I DoThank you Tom and David. Both of your stories not only resonnate with me but could very much have been me inserted into your own experiences and feelings-attractions. One of the beautiful components of this ministry is 'knowing' that I am not alone, in my life's story and similar battles. I truly appreciate both of your williness to share intimate details of your journeys and experiences, filled with unwanted but very real challenge.
David on Why I Do the Sexual Things I DoWow! This post resonated with me! Like you, I've struggled with many of the same attractions and habits. Parts of your post felt like you had watched my childhood through my eyes. I was raised with all sisters in a rural area miles from friends. I was a sensitive kid in a farming environment. I can vividly recall being called a sissy by my father and grandfather. I had crushes on girls, but those girls always found something lacking in me, reinforcing those messages from my father and grandfather. Like you, I, too, have always been attracted to men. I...
Seraphim on How Bro Cuddling Helped Me Become a Gentler DadHey brother! Thanks for the comment! I echo much of Andrew's excellent response here with regard to openness and taking conversations slowly. I have maintained with my wife an openness with respect to my experience of sexuality from dating through marriage. The patterns of those conversations with respect to touch have varied widely, sometimes looking like her shrugging her shoulders and saying, "that's neat," to more intense conversations where we process our commitments to each other, and that any touch or surrounding boundaries should be set out of love for one another and to build up our home. If anything,...
Andrew on How Bro Cuddling Helped Me Become a Gentler DadI'm not Seraphim, but I'll give my two cents... My wife and I have had to have a number of conversations about this. I'm not massively into physical touch, like some guys, but I do desire it from men that I'm emotionally connected to. I was pretty worried that, because I'm not very touchy with her, she would be jealous/hurt. For context, I came out before marriage, but then we didn't process it much. Only in the past few years have I more come to terms with my sexually. In general, she has navigated my coming to terms with my...
guest on How Bro Cuddling Helped Me Become a Gentler DadI crave physical touch with other men but know my wife would freak out. Any ideas on how to handle this?
John G Stevens on The Story of my Rape as an 8-Year-Old BoyThanks for sharing your story Michael. It is good to know that you have received substantial healing from what happened in the condemned house. If you ever want to go farther in that healing journey, the Allender Center in Seattle has great resources and many skilled therapists. One of their top therapists, Wendell Moss, is a Black man with a story that is similar to yours. He was a friend of YOB several years ago (he may still be).