Do I really want complete healing, or am I satisfied being a lifelong struggler? Is the self-pity I've surrounded myself with for so long too hard to leave?
Sometimes I feel like Pinocchio when he proclaims, "I'm a real boy." I need men, so that I might become a man myself.
I don't remember thinking of myself as gay. There was always something wrong with me, and I was beginning to see it.
Looking back, I know I was experiencing same-sex attraction at that age, even though I didn't know what SSA or homosexuality was at the time.
Without losing a piece of me, how do I get to heaven? To get to heaven, we don't lose a piece of ourselves. We lose it all.
I will be reminded of this brokenness every time we are forced to gather. I hate this brokenness. For it is in this brokenness that my SSA came to be.
I longed to be someone else. To not have to carry the burden of different. It was so heavy. I soon began to pursue perfection. Not because I wanted to, but because it was demanded of me.