Ben Rutkowski

Call me Ben, or call me Beamer. I am in my early thirties, married, pastoring in the Midwest, and Jesus is my reason for living. I'm either an ENFJ or ENFP. My Enneagram is 2 or 6 depending on the day. I am a chameleon – being who I need to be to care for others. Most of my favorite activities center on being with people in any outdoors setting, whether hiking a mountain trail or simply lying in a hammock and drinking a beer.
Your Other Brothers Podcast | 080
29 May 2021
The YOBcast 080: “Side B” Objections
"Don't call yourself gay"; "don't have gay friends"; "pray harder for God to change you"; "act more manly"; "keep dating women until you find the right one." As sexual minorities, we often face objections from within our own faith, from fellow believers -- be they peers, parents, or pastors. How do we respond when we face objections for our sexuality? How do we move forward through the resistance? Join Tom and YOBcast newcomers Pastor Ben and Pastor Will as we dive into some common "Side B" objections. And as we reaffirm to one another and to you that you are not alone in whatever spiritual objections you
by Ben Rutkowski
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To My Pastor: A Template to Help You Come Out to Church Leadership
25 May 2021
To My Pastor: A Template to Help You Come Out to Church Leadership
The decision to come out (or not) is very personal. There exist many different methods of coming out, and our blog has already covered some of them. What follows is a template to give you a potential starting point for conversation with anyone in your church leadership. I write this as one who has had both positive and negative experiences coming out to church leadership. This template is designed in such a way that it could be left anonymously in a leader's mailbox to get him or her thinking, or as a conversation starter if you trust someone is ready to engage with you
by Ben Rutkowski
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To My Significant Other: A Template to Help You Come Out to Her
23 March 2021
To My Significant Other: A Template to Help You Come Out to Her
I am attracted to other men. At this point, you might be shocked, scared, angry, or confused. Please allow me to affirm a few truths before I continue. I love Jesus, I believe in a traditional/biblical sexual ethic, and I am pursuing holiness before the Lord in my sexuality. I love you and want to walk well with you. I want you to know this about me so you can see me, love me, and walk well with me, and so I am not holding back pieces of my life from
by Ben Rutkowski
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Your Other Brothers ConvoCast • 025
19 March 2021
YOB ConvoCast 025: Tom & Ben Think People Are a Lot!
Join us as Tom convos with one of our authors, Ben! We catch up with Ben from his last ConvoCast appearance and talk about his message on chosen family at our recently held YOBBERS retreat. We also riff about proportional haircuts, Ben’s upcoming blog on coming out to people you love, and where (and with whom) a pastor get his support. Also, who's YOB’s pastor: Ben or
by Ben Rutkowski
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27 April 2020
YOB ConvoCast 016: Tom & Ben Met at an Irish Pub!
Tom welcomes Ben to the YOB airwaves for the first time to talk about pastoring a church during this coronavirus pandemic, including the digital challenges of having an older congregation. Ben also reveals what his wife thinks about YOB, and the guys recount their first meeting at an Irish pub during Revoice last
by Ben Rutkowski
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Isolation Amid Covid-19 and Hope for the Future
22 April 2020
Isolation Amid Covid-19 and Hope for the Future
The Covid-19 pandemic has become something of an "isolation equalizer." People everywhere are living in tension and isolation with businesses closed, services restricted, and life as we've known it ground to a halt. We are, all of us, isolated. And yet there is tremendous opportunity to unite in our shared
by Ben Rutkowski
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Do I Still Pray the Gay Away?
18 February 2020
Do I Still Pray the Gay Away?
When they hear I'm attracted to men but married to a woman, straight people, particularly Christians, sometimes ask if I expect my attractions to "change" in this life. For the longest time, I prayed for God to change my attractions. To make me straight. I do still pray about my sexuality, but I don't pray that God would change my attractions to
by Ben Rutkowski
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Naked and Unashamed in the Locker Room
17 December 2019
Naked and Unashamed in the Locker Room
For the longest time I felt afraid about the locker room setting. Part of my fear and shame came from body-image issues, as I was the "fat kid" most of my life. Part of my fear also came from my same-sex attraction – the fear for potential arousal. I was curious how the other guys looked but also ashamed and scared to be around them or be seen in my
by Ben Rutkowski
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The Day I Came Out to My Wife
12 November 2019
The Day I Came Out to My Wife
And so, as we walked through a local park, barely past our first month of dating, I told her about my same-sex attraction. I told her of my failed dating history, that I wasn't sure I could be attracted to women, that most men who were SSA, despite years of prayer and trying to make things work, would not be attracted to women and that my SSA would possibly never go
by Ben Rutkowski
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Why Do We Follow a "Side B" Sexual Ethic?
20 September 2019
Why Do We Follow a “Side B” Sexual Ethic?
I believe what Scripture says regarding a traditional sexual ethic. But more than that, I believe in the God behind that ethic and that his Word is still good for me, even if it's not always easy to
by Ben Rutkowski
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