About The Author

Ben Rutkowski

Call me Ben, or call me Beamer. I am in my early thirties, married, pastoring in the Midwest, and Jesus is my reason for living. I'm either an ENFJ or ENFP. My Enneagram is 2 or 6 depending on the day. I am a chameleon ... being who I need to be to care for others. Most of my favorite activities center on being with people in any setting outdoors, whether that is hiking a mountain trail or simply lying in a hammock drinking a beer.

Why Do We Follow a “Side B” Sexual Ethic?

Back in my teens, I desperately wanted to be straight. Years later, I’m less concerned about God’s changing my sexuality and more concerned about walking in thriving relationship with Christ — which also includes holiness with my sexuality. I believe what Scripture says regarding a traditional sexual ethic. But more than that, I believe in the God behind that ethic and that his Word is still good for me, even if it’s not always easy to follow.

Read More

Saying Goodbye to Emotional Dependency — and My Best Friend

A point came in our relationship when I realized just how dependent I was on him and just how one-sided our friendship was. For my own well-being, I needed to step away from the relationship. What follows is the lament and reflection I wrote in saying “goodbye” to our friendship.

Read More

Flirting With Temptation? When My Pastor Pulled Me from Ministry

We will face temptation in this life. There is greater nuance for those of us with fellow “Side B” relationships, as the gender with whom we often need the closest relationships is the gender we are also generally attracted to. Temptation will happen, but it cannot be the only — or primary — litmus test for whether we can be safe in friendship.

Read More

Revoice 2019: So Much to Learn and Love

Several of our authors recently attended Revoice 2019 in St. Louis. We gathered to discuss the second annual conference: our personal highs, challenges, and hopes for future Revoice conferences.

Read More