cuddling

The First Guy I Ever Slept With
The First Guy I Ever Slept With
Before visiting him, I can't remember our ever talking about what would happen at night. Cody had a bunkbed in his room, even though he lived alone. The top bunk was made for me when I arrived, but I didn't sleep in it once. It just
I Made Out With My Best Man the Night Before My Wedding
I Made Out with My Best Man the Night Before My Wedding
The night before my wedding, Elias and I shared a bed as we had done many times before. But this particular night a cruel sadness hung over us. A sense of finality to it all. We both knew everything would change after this night. We knew there wouldn't be any more nights of cuddles and waking up beside each other; we knew this was the peak of our physical
The First Guy I Ever Cuddled With
The First Guy I Ever Cuddled With
Why didn't I have a friend like that to fulfill over two decades of touch-deprivation? Or was I even right to long for touch like that? Did that sort of touch between two men cross a line? Could two men cuddle without sinning or pushing
Sleeping with my Fiancee’s Bisexual Ex-Boyfriend Turned Me Straight?
We laughed long into the night. My fiancée and I lay on opposite sides of the van because we didn't want to wake up together until we were married. So, that left Jonathan facing me. I faced away from him because I was afraid. The last time I'd been this physically close to a man, I'd had sex with him. I was so
How I Lost My Best Friend to Sex
How I Lost My Best Friend to Sex
My pursuit has not been one of sex, though it wormed its way into my story and convinced me otherwise. My longing has been for the genuine, reciprocated love of a man. A man to hold and be held by, a man to weep with, laugh with, live with. A covenant companion. I once thought such a thing was outside God's plan; praise God it
This Secret Longing to be Held by a Stronger Man
This Secret Longing to be Held by a Stronger Man
I yearn to be held by a bigger, stronger man, to rest in his powerful arms, to lay my head on his chest. I ache for this; I dwell on this desire a lot. I suppose, given the nature of this website, my admission surprises approximately nobody. But it's hard to
The First Same-Sex Attracted Christian Man I Met
The First Same-Sex Attracted Christian Man I Met
I enjoyed telling him my story and my struggles with faith and sexuality. I could talk to him about my failings and slip-ups and didn't feel any judgment or disapproval. I talked to him about my deep loneliness, longing for brotherhood and friendships – to be accepted by other men and yet met with rejection or cold indifference. It felt liberating talking to someone about this stuff for the first
Why I'm Attracted to Other Guys (and Who Cares?)
Why I’m Attracted to Other Guys (and Who Cares?)
I've had at least a decade to process my sexuality, why certain men "do it" for me and why others do not. I've already written about what kinds of guys I'm attracted to and my cycles of physical and emotional same-sex attraction. But am I sexually attracted to men? The answer has become so clear over the last couple years:
Befriending Straight Guys: The Final Frontier
Befriending Straight Guys: The Final Frontier
Ah, straight guys — also known as "the normal ones." What a load of complicated feelings I have toward them. I see straight guys now and again in groups together. It evokes more of an emotional longing. A deeply profound longing. It's a feeling of wanting to be like them, to be one of them. To be normal and accepted by ordinary men and be like ordinary men. But it can't be that way. I'm
Sharing My Story at a Church for the First Time?
Sharing My Story at a Church for the First Time?
The Sunday service started, and I was excited to speak. I'd been praying for this moment for quite a while now — I was about to give my testimony in front of a whole church. The service started, and two songs into worship I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was the pastor, and he was motioning me back to his