Tom

I'm YOB's cofounder and editor, and I also host our two podcasts. I've written a couple books as Thomas Mark Zuniga, including a 2013 memoir in which I first came out. Once upon another universe I anonymously blogged about my faith and sexuality under the Xanga username, twoBeckonings. I'm an INFJ, Enneagram 4w5, and my spirit animal is the buffalo. I love to travel, and my favorite place in the world is the one where coffee and vulnerability meet. When I'm not wandering, I live in Asheville, North Carolina – the Jewel of the Blue Ridge.
YOB ConvoCast 088: Matt Has Always Lived with Family while Closeted with Them
YOB ConvoCast 088: Matt Has Always Lived with Family while Closeted with Them
Matt returns to discuss his home life: always living with his family even as he enters his late thirties! He explains the importance of family within his Navajo culture, sharing why he enjoys regularly going home to the reservation after moving away from it. But Matt also shares why he doesn’t disclose anything about his sexuality with his conservative family. Despite this withholding, Matt feels at home with his churches and friends, particularly his male friends, claiming he’s never felt more masculine and comfortable in his body than he does now. Will he always live with family, or does he aspire for another living situation in the future?
YOB ConvoCast 087: Marshall, Single and 65, Lives on a Farm with 23 People
YOB ConvoCast 087: Marshall, Single and 65, Lives on a Farm with 23 People
We welcome back Marshall to talk more about his unique home life: a 20-acre farm, living alongside 23 people in a central house, cabins, tiny houses, and RV’s. How has Marshall enjoyed living alone in the past, and did he second-guess living with younger single men as an older single man? How did Marshall’s many living situations over six decades lead to his buying this farm, and what’s joyful and also challenging about leading such an intentional community of believers?
YOB ConvoCast 086: Matt Has Had Gay Roommates after 15 Years of Living Alone
YOB ConvoCast 086: Matt Has Had Gay Roommates after 15 Years of Living Alone
We kick off a new summer series, AT HOME: how our current life stages and living situations impact our faith, sexuality, and masculinity. Join us each episode for a new member of our YOB community sharing his story from various life stages and living situations. We start with our “plain old gay” Matt, who has been living with other gay men, both affirming and traditional, after 15 years of living by himself. We learn Matt’s home environment growing up, including how that shaped his view of what the future would look like. What have been the joys and challenges of sharing his current and recent homes with other gay men, and what does he think of the “optics” of having fellow gay roommates, if anything at all?
YOB ConvoCast 085: Tom & Harrison Break Down Male Friendship!
YOB ConvoCast 085: Tom & Harrison Assess Male Friendship!
Harrison Bly joins the show to discuss masculine friendship! Harrison is a member of our YOBBERS community and the author of Bent on Men, a book recently featured in our monthly YOBBERS Book Club. Both Tom and Harrison reference their books, sharing what happens after some pivotal friendships change, fizzle, or even disintegrate entirely after the final page. They discuss the friendship dynamics of connecting with straight men as well as fellow "Side B" men. What are the challenges or even road blocks to forming various male friendships? And what do we do with this loneliness epidemic which has hit men hard?
Beware of "Pig Butchering" Scams that Prey on Your Sexuality
Beware of “Pig Butchering” Scams that Prey on Your Sexuality
The other person thinks it's an accidental-turned-whimsical exchange, when in fact it's quite deliberate and nefarious. This Last Week Tonight episode details people who were scammed financially because they thought they were building a legitimate, longer-term relationship with this conversational or otherwise caring person on the other line. It's tragic how susceptible people can be to potential love. I know I am.
YOB ConvoCast 084: Tom & Simon Enjoy a Niche Little British Episode!
YOB ConvoCast 084: Tom & Simon Enjoy a Niche Little British Episode!
Simon joins the show from faraway Britain as our first native UK YOBBER! He tells us about his life in Oxfordshire, including a cat and his very own "flat." Tom bonds with Simon over their shared experiences in Oxford, including the very same bedroom. Simon gives us a lovely list of Britishisms, including the definition of a "yob." He also shares some of his story with faith and sexuality, enlightening us about Side B life from a non-American country. We also have an exciting update on the European YOBBERS retreat taking place later this year!
Do I Fast to Punish Myself or Meet with God?
Do I Fast to Punish Myself or Meet with God?
Do I fast because I truly desire to hear from Him more clearly, walk with Him more closely, and feel less spiritually cloudy? Or do I fast because, well, it's comfortable to be uncomfortable? Because it almost feels good to deprive, if not punish my body – particularly after I sin?
YOB ConvoCast 082: Tom & Daniel Pitch this Summer's First European YOBBERS Retreat!
YOB ConvoCast 082: Tom & Daniel Pitch this Summer’s First European YOBBERS Retreat!
Daniel returns to pitch this summer's special gathering of YOBBERS – in Europe! He joins Tom to discuss a smaller-scale retreat or "holiday" somewhere in the Mediterranean, inviting all who are interested to email him ASAP. Daniel also catches us up on his life in London – including the exciting news that he is now a British citizen! He tells us about one country where he's already traveled with his new passport, as well as another on the horizon to see a certain female pop star perform.
5 Times My Heart Has Swelled as a Man
5 Times My Heart Has Swelled as a Man
Once upon a time I wrote about five times I've felt like a man. As we wind down the theme of "Love Month" at YOB, I started thinking about some instances when my heart has swelled, or exploded, or some other symphonic verb meant to translate the depths of safety, care, and affection I've experienced with other men. This isn't a "top 5" or hardly exhaustive list, but these are five stories that come to mind...
YOB ConvoCast 081: Tom & Andrew Review "Heartstopper" and Discuss Asexuality!
YOB ConvoCast 081: Tom & Andrew Review “Heartstopper” and Discuss Asexuality!
First-time guest Andrew joins Tom to discuss Netflix’s "Heartstopper"! It’s a queer coming-of-age show that many in our YOB community have enjoyed, though its depictions of queer romance could also be distracting for some (nothing sexual in the first two seasons, just lots of same-sex kissing). We discuss what we loved from the characters in romantic pairings to the loyal friendships that ultimately reinforce this show. We devote our remaining time to the show’s lone asexual character as two people in YOB who identify as asexual ourselves. What did we resonate with in this character, and where was the disconnect?
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