Tag: despair

YOBcast Episode 058: Loneliness v. Solitude

Have you ever felt lonely within your sexuality? Do you choose loneliness or does loneliness choose you? Extroverted or introverted, do you embrace regular solitude, treating it as a spiritual practice? Join Tom, Ryan, and Jacob for a discussion on the divergence of loneliness and solitude. We talk about the healthy and not-so-healthy ways we cope with loneliness and how we seek out solitude. Additionally, we talk about the dynamic of living alone or with others as single gay/SSA men, forecasting our living situations for the decades to come.

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YOBcast Episode 054: Holiday Singleness

It’s an undoubtedly difficult season for many in our community, and we talk about singleness during the holidays: the disconnect, the loneliness, and the finding of hope and joy when hope and joy may feel so far away. Tom, Ryan, and Jacob share their stories of holidays past and present, answering some listener questions along the way, including the concept of spending the holidays with chosen family versus blood family, and whether we’ve ever been asked if we’ve found that “special lady” yet.

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Coming Out and Confessing to My Pastor

He was sitting there waiting for me, like usual. My pastor asked if I was okay, though he knew I wasn’t. He could tell I was an emotional wreck, that I needed to get some stuff off my chest. I felt numb, this deep despair inside me, like all my energy had escaped me. I only had enough to meet with him on this particular day.

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I Just Wanna Go Home

I couldn’t go back through this whole crap again! I couldn’t go back to being worried every single minute over how to pay for my apartment. I couldn’t go back to not eating for a day or two. I couldn’t go back to being tempted to selling myself to the first “generous” guy that came my way. I felt the heavy weight again, and I felt like a total loser.

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Self-Hatred and the Struggles of Being Gay

As a kid, I said a lot of derogatory things about LGBTQ+ people. I cringe at the things I remember saying. When I realized I was gay, all of that hatred that I showed to others turned in on myself. That realization drove me to reparative therapy. The logic makes sense: I hate gay people, I am gay — thus, I need to not be gay.

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Called Out by My Best Friend

We hadn’t seen each other in a while, so we caught up on each other’s lives. Then came the confrontation. The tone changed, and he wanted to get some stuff off his chest. He told me he didn’t appreciate my butting in on their relationship and trying to save our friendship. That if he had to choose between our friendship or his girlfriend, he’d choose her.

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