despair

The Story of my Rape as an 8-Year-Old Boy
The Story of my Rape as an 8-Year-Old Boy
I want to talk about rape – specifically, my childhood rape. I want to tell this difficult story for two reasons: healing for myself, and more importantly healing for anyone else reading. Please read at your own discretion.
“Close”: A Movie About Affectionate Friendship Between Boys
“Close”: A Movie About Affectionate Friendship Between Boys
As a guy who has long bemoaned the stigmatization of close male friendships in American culture, advocating for more awareness of their necessity, you best believe I was stoked to hear about the 2022 movie, "Close." After watching the trailer, I was instantly sold. Two boys are shown to be close friends, even physically affectionate with one another to the point that their classmates assume them to be gay.
I Just Wanted to Be a Man and Finish the Race
Not quite finishing the bike race hurts way beyond this strain in my shoulder. And "not quite" feels like such a metaphor for my masculinity.
Unpacking the Soul Wounds of Masculine Leadership
Unpacking the Soul Wounds of Masculine Leadership
For this first entry on masculinity, I want to share my experiences with masculine leadership, including how the lack of positive, consistent examples of masculine leadership has affected how I interact with and think about the men who are supposed to lead me.
From David and Jonathan to Heaven and Hell
From David and Jonathan to Heaven and Hell
How did we go from Jonathan and David to heaven and hell? What exactly happened between us?  I've replayed every variable in my head over and over: I was too obsessive, I was too much, I was never enough, he was never enough, it's all his fault, it’s all my fault, he caught feelings.
Uncovering the Soul Wound of My Sexuality
Uncovering the Soul Wound of My Sexuality
I learned that it wasn't safe for me to talk about or process through any of this struggle. Not at this church. And that is just what I did for the rest of high school. I didn't talk about my sexuality with anyone at that church again.
Defining the Soul Wounds of the Queer Christian
Defining the Soul Wounds of the Queer Christian
It's no secret that the LGBT+ community has a complicated history with the Christian church. This culture war has bled into the church for decades, resulting in those who experience same-sex attraction in their congregations to feel uncared for, unloved, and at worst, excommunicated from the church community. These experiences create soul wounds.
Where the Sparrow Finds a Home
Where the Sparrow Finds a Home
If you're at all familiar with YOB, you're probably aware that little sparrows have infiltrated nearly every corner of our community. They're in the banner of our website, the centerpiece of our logo, and even the tagline of our podcast: "Even the sparrow finds a home," which comes from Psalm 84. But did you know that sparrows are really, really small?
Inviting Jesus into the Messiness After the YOBBERS Retreat
Inviting Jesus into the Messiness After the YOBBERS Retreat
Going into this retreat, your boy was stressed. Stressed just from day-to-day existing. Looking back and evaluating my spiritual condition at the time, I could not slow down long enough to have one simple conversation with God. Long enough for my brain and my heart to catch up to each other.
Finding Rest and True Joy at My First YOBBERS Retreat
Finding Rest and True Joy at My First YOBBERS Retreat
Anticipation was running high. This would be my first retreat since joining the YOB community last year. A poorly timed illness prevented me from attending previously, so my heart was more than ready for a weekend away with my other brothers. And God provided.
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