So often I lament my lifelong disconnect from the male species and my own innate lack of manhood, I tend to neglect or even forget the numerous times I have felt like a man.
I can't help that I am attracted to men. I can look at my life and see both nature and nurture contributing to my sexuality.
Sometimes I feel like Pinocchio when he proclaims, "I'm a real boy." I need men, so that I might become a man myself.
I don't remember thinking of myself as gay. There was always something wrong with me, and I was beginning to see it.
I saw that this love actually motivated Jesus to die for me. It was like the Sun rose and took away all my darkness and emotional pain.
All I could think was: I am going to hell. I was obsessed with this idea that I'd never have a right relationship with God.
I saw that my father had a very real relationship with God that was uncommon, powerful, and full of joy. I knew I wanted to be close to God because of Dad.
An anticipated drive with my dad would prove to be a fracturing moment in our relationship. It was the moment my father failed me.
I will be reminded of this brokenness every time we are forced to gather. I hate this brokenness. For it is in this brokenness that my SSA came to be.