Tag: shame
This Secret Longing to be Held by a Stronger Man
I yearn to be held by a bigger, stronger man, to rest in his powerful arms, to lay my head on his chest. I ache for this; I dwell on this desire a lot. I suppose, given the nature of this website, my admission surprises approximately nobody. But it’s hard to admit.
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The Struggle to Forgive Yourself for Sexual Failures
During one phone call, things took an unusual turn. He confided that he’d started talking to a guy. They’d started out on a Skype call together which had turned very sexual. He told me how deeply ashamed this call had made him, and he seemed to break on the phone. “Am I still a virgin?” he asked. “I feel like I’ve lost my virginity after this. I’ve done something sexual with a guy, and I can’t take it back!”
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Pornography, Promiscuity, Praise. Repeat.
It often feels like a self-fulfilling cycle of a formula: that as soon as I praise God, when I repent and I’m again “right” with Him, I’m back on an inevitable trajectory toward porn and promiscuity and the dark desires of my heart.
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YOBcast Episode 056: Pornography
Do we talk about pornography too much as the Church or not nearly enough? Do we “talk about talking about” pornography or do we actually talk about it? Pornography is more accessible than ever before and, increasingly, more aggressive. It’s a struggle and an addiction that has reached and claimed all people: gay, straight, men, and women. Join Tom, Ryan, and Jacob as we take a deep dive into the science and story of pornography. It’s one of our classic episodes that we’re reopening in a new way.
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“Coming Out” of the Country: Learning Who God Is
It was an unfamiliar city on the other side of the world, and not one soul knew who I was and what I was about. For the first time in my life I felt free, unrestricted to do anything and be anything I wanted to be. What will I do? Where will I go? Where will God take me? Who’s God again?
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Naked and Unashamed in the Locker Room
For the longest time I felt afraid about the locker room setting. Part of my fear and shame came from body-image issues, as I was the “fat kid” most of my life. Part of my fear also came from my same-sex attraction – the fear for potential arousal. I was curious how the other guys looked but also ashamed and scared to be around them or be seen in my nakedness.
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YOBcast Episode 053: Brothers! w/ Jacob & Nate
Jacob’s older brother, Nate, joins us for a deep-dive into their relationship: how Jacob came out to his brother, Nate’s reaction as a straight guy, their parents’ dynamic, and their respective struggles with pornography. It’s a cinematic storytelling session full of laughs and tearful takes alike. Beyond their brotherly story, we get to know Nate (including his personality styles and love languages), learn about Nate’s friendship with Tom, and partake in a “brotherly bridge” all about capris. Yes, capris — the pant.
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Why I Go to Pornography: Kicking Off #NoPornNovember
I usually head to porn when I’m stressed, anxious, confused, tired. My counselor once asked me if I go to porn to feel power, to be in control. My first response was no — I don’t feel powerful at all when I seek out porn. I feel weak and helpless. But maybe there is a control aspect to my porn usage.
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I Just Wanna Go Home
I couldn’t go back through this whole crap again! I couldn’t go back to being worried every single minute over how to pay for my apartment. I couldn’t go back to not eating for a day or two. I couldn’t go back to being tempted to selling myself to the first “generous” guy that came my way. I felt the heavy weight again, and I felt like a total loser.
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Self-Hatred and the Struggles of Being Gay
As a kid, I said a lot of derogatory things about LGBTQ+ people. I cringe at the things I remember saying. When I realized I was gay, all of that hatred that I showed to others turned in on myself. That realization drove me to reparative therapy. The logic makes sense: I hate gay people, I am gay — thus, I need to not be gay.
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