We finish our SPANNING THE SPECTRUM sexuality series by learning more of Tom’s story as Erin returns to take over hosting duties! Tom shares a new term he’s still feeling out for himself: androsexual, or an attraction to masculinity. He shares about his attraction for mostly straight men, going all the way back to another boy in first grade. He also discusses being on the asexual spectrum and the shame of “missing out” on such a significant part of the human experience. To close this episode, Tom and Erin look back on the previous 9 episodes of this series, giving love to all our wonderful contributors!
Matthew's been active in the YOB community for years, but why did it take so long for him to share his story publicly? He opens up about his long road of coming out to himself before he could ever come out to other people, referencing his Enneagram Three shame with authenticity and difficult emotions. He talks about taking metaphorical trips to the desert to lament his dreams of marriage, family, ministry, purpose, and influence, and he also beams about his sexuality's blessings, including a moment leading worship at his first YOBBERS retreat in 2021.
You know, after fifteen years of blogging about gay things and masculine things and all the other intermingled, messy faith things, I often feel like I've run out of stories to tell here. Gay kisses, wet dreams, fetishes – what on earth is there left to say?? Ah, but then I wake up one day and suddenly remember that time another "Side B" guy from a Facebook group asked if he could do something to my genitals. Ah, yes – a new story to tell. Glory be.
YOB gave me hope, because even though I was 55 years old I had struggled accepting myself since my teen years. I had never seen myself as anything but subhuman, unworthy, and a complete reprobate because I had feelings and desires for other men.
How I wish there could be someone here, of a similar position in life, with whom I could fully relate. Someone with whom I could bare my soul, with whom I could freely express brotherly intimacy – a soul brother, one could say. That is what I crave.
Once upon a time, Your Other Brothers held to the value of brotherhood! But we've since shifted this value to one of kinship. Why the change? What does kinship evoke, both for this life and the next, and how do we build or "practice" this value of kinship? When have we felt that sense of belonging outside our blood family, and when have we felt the opposite with our sexuality and masculinity, as strangers and aliens?
The "honeymoon phase" of coming out to Todd was certainly short-lived. Over the weeks meeting with him at Bible Study, I shared a few more details about my ongoing struggle. One night while I shared, he rather bluntly said, "Well, you can't be gay and be a Christian."
At first I thought the book would be an interesting "tell-all" about the making of the film, but what I got was a provoking, hilarious, disturbing, and twisted foray into the relationship between Greg and Tommy.
Vulnerability is uncomfortable, even scary, so why do we value it so highly in our community? Sharing our story, including our sexuality, may have once felt like the most daunting or impossible task. And yet what would have been the cost to our lives had we not been vulnerable? What if we had stayed silent, closeted, cut off from such a significant aspect of ourselves with ourselves, God, and other people? Indeed, what if vulnerability that feels like weakness is actually strength – especially when practiced in a community?
Joy and sorrow share a tenuous connection. We explore the presence of joy in our YOB community and why it wasn’t one of our original values. We bask in the joy of retreats past and explore the joy to be found in our lives and sexualities, looking to Jesus’ example as he took the cup from his Father, following the joy set before him. Join Tom, Ryan, and Will for their first joyful episode together!