I got more involved in a small group as others would worship God. There was an amazing sense of community. I knew I was not alone in my Christian life!
Since my college-age Bible study ended last year, the guys in my small group decided to do something different one Thursday night — a Guys' Night.
I'd had enough of life with only these types of strong male friendships while the other types of male friendships went severely lacking. Couldn't I just have "normal" heterosexual guy friends?
Looking back, I still wonder: what happened that caused John to go from "best friend" to "somebody that I used to know"? It seemed instantaneous.
I longed to be someone else. To not have to carry the burden of different. It was so heavy. I soon began to pursue perfection. Not because I wanted to, but because it was demanded of me.
I have wanted nothing more than a guy who would give everything to show his love for me. And this desire has warped my life in more ways than I could ever describe.
In 2008 I entered a desperate Google search: "Christians struggling with homosexuality." Finding that Xanga blogring community changed my life forever.