My name is Dean Samuels.

Ok, maybe not really. But that’s all I’m telling you for now. No offense.

I chose this name for myself. It’s a rare opportunity — to name yourself. We come into this world with a name thought up by people who don’t even know us.

Seriously, think about it. What is known about you before you are born? Your gender. Your blood type. Your health. Maybe your birthday. That’s it. And that is all the information available when your permanent identification is established.

Given the chance to choose a new name, I thought long and hard. I wanted it to mean something, to reflect who I truly am. I wanted the name to be more than just what people call me.

I want my name to allow people to know me.

“Dean Samuels” comes from the lead characters of a TV show called Supernatural. Two brothers, Sam and Dean, spend their lives hunting supernatural creatures, saving innocent people, and rescuing the world from an unusual amount of apocalypses (seriously, how many more can be left to thwart?).

An odd — nay, bizarre — choice for a name.

A huge feature of Supernatural is the relationship between the brothers. These guys have lost their parents to evil creatures — their mom when they were little, their dad as adults.

They are all they have left. They depend upon each other for everything. They fight for each other. They fight with each other. They have split ways, reunited in tears and regret, threatened each others’ lives, and saved each others’ lives. Repeatedly. They are as close as two brothers ever could be.

This is the relationship I have always wanted.

I have wanted nothing more than a guy who would give everything to show his love for me. And this desire has warped my life in more ways than I could ever describe.

My life has been destroyed at times by this obsession. My life continues to deal with the consequences of choices made in searching for this relationship. Often times, I wonder if there is ever hope of freedom from it.

And then — well, then I remember Romans 8:1.

“Therefore, there is now NO CONDEMNATION for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

Turns out, there is a Man who would give and has given everything to show His love for me. There is a Man who desires to have a close relationship with me, a relationship closer than any other. And He is my God. His name is Jesus.

He is the relationship I have always wanted.

To honor my favorite hunting brothers, I choose this name: Dean Samuels. I have One who has given His life for me. And now, I give my life for Him.

And you can call me Dean.

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