My name is Dean Samuels.
Ok, maybe not really. But that’s all I’m telling you for now. No offense.
I chose this name for myself. It’s a rare opportunity — to name yourself. We come into this world with a name thought up by people who don’t even know us.
Seriously, think about it. What is known about you before you are born? Your gender. Your blood type. Your health. Maybe your birthday. That’s it. And that is all the information available when your permanent identification is established.
Given the chance to choose a new name, I thought long and hard. I wanted it to mean something, to reflect who I truly am. I wanted the name to be more than just what people call me.
I want my name to allow people to know me.
“Dean Samuels” comes from the lead characters of a TV show called Supernatural. Two brothers, Sam and Dean, spend their lives hunting supernatural creatures, saving innocent people, and rescuing the world from an unusual amount of apocalypses (seriously, how many more can be left to thwart?).
An odd — nay, bizarre — choice for a name.
A huge feature of Supernatural is the relationship between the brothers. These guys have lost their parents to evil creatures — their mom when they were little, their dad as adults.
They are all they have left. They depend upon each other for everything. They fight for each other. They fight with each other. They have split ways, reunited in tears and regret, threatened each others’ lives, and saved each others’ lives. Repeatedly. They are as close as two brothers ever could be.
This is the relationship I have always wanted.
I have wanted nothing more than a guy who would give everything to show his love for me. And this desire has warped my life in more ways than I could ever describe.
My life has been destroyed at times by this obsession. My life continues to deal with the consequences of choices made in searching for this relationship. Often times, I wonder if there is ever hope of freedom from it.
And then — well, then I remember Romans 8:1:
“Therefore, there is now NO CONDEMNATION for those who are in Christ Jesus.”
Turns out, there is a Man who would give and has given everything to show His love for me. There is a Man who desires to have a close relationship with me, a relationship closer than any other. And He is my God.
His name is Jesus.
He is the relationship I have always wanted.
To honor my favorite hunting brothers, I choose this name: Dean Samuels. I have One who has given His life for me. And now, I give my life for Him.
And you can call me Dean.
This is really nice. I was wondering about your name. I’ve only heard of “Supernatural” but have never seen it. I understand the ache for a brother like what you described. God has been showing me more and more how He really is that brother to me that I’ve longed for my whole life. I look forward to reading more of your blog here. Keep up the good work!
Thanks, Kevin! I still wrestle with this ache for sure but it helps to be able to put it into perspective like I did above. Looking forward to what you have to say as well!
Now that we know what your name here is all about — and it’s a more plausible name than “Naturgesetz” — I’m looking forward to learning the connection between the Dean you describe in the post and the one in the “About Dean Samuels.”
How does one pronounce “Naturgesetz” anyway? I’ve secretly wondered this for years.
Happy to clear that up, but it’s satisfying to know that I was an international man of mystery. LOL
Oh there are some lovely connections that I hope to explore. I have identified very much with that character through the 11 seasons of the show. Been amazing and eerie.
Love the name and the backstory and you. Grateful for our friendship and for the life you’ll bring to our community!
Daw, thanks, man.
Wow, It’s amazing how we are able to connect to TV shows on such a deep level. I may want to check out Supernatural now!
Definitely check out Supernatural! And it’s probably a little scary how I can connect to them so closely. Might be unhealthy too, but alas, such is my life. 🙂
I wondered about this name selection! Thanks for sharing the story behind it. Can’t wait to hear more from you, Dean!
Thanks, Noah! The name has quite a deep meaning to me. Maybe I could make it legal… 😉
Well, that answered my question on the name……like everyone else! Haha. Dude, this is a great start!
Thanks, Matt! Glad to clear up the story on the name.
Interesting. Thanks for sharing so openly and vulnerably. Makes for a good read. I wonder if this desire for a male companion, almost like a life mate, exists in every man. I have a feeling it goes much deeper in our psyche than just the SSA. And maybe it does have to do with Jesus placing that within us to reach out and yearn for our relationship with Him.
[…] These wonderful gentlemen are Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles. Jared plays Sam, and Jensen plays my namesake Dean. […]
So hauntingly familiar! I love Supernatural for the exact same reason. And I’ve had to learn and relearn the exact same lesson about the only Friend that can Bee in this position.
[…] from writing under a pseudonym, my life is an open book. For my friends and loved ones, there isn’t a question I’m […]