My obsession with Supernatural goes beyond the 11 seasons that I have watched almost twice now. It goes beyond looking up endless posts about the characters, subtext, and non-canonical fan fiction, for I have also begun to follow the lives of the actors themselves — primarily the actors portraying the two brothers.

These wonderful gentlemen are Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles. Jared plays Sam, and Jensen plays my namesake Dean.

Back in 2005, these two met for the first time post-casting. Both grew up in Texas but had zero relationship prior; now, they’re best friends. Brothers to be more accurate, honestly.

Their families spend tons of time together, and the two interact as lifelong brothers would. These two strangers met ten years ago and now cannot imagine life without the other. Each found his best friend, their true brother.

And I can’t help but wonder: where is my true brother?

I wish I could say that John has been my only attempt and that it’s his fault he isn’t my true brother. But it’s not. I could list off a dozen names of guys I have known and befriended where the relationship failed after our getting close.

Each time, it was the other the guy who simply left me.

It’s to the point that I now enter all male friendships with the expectation for it to end with the other person leaving me. Unhealthy? Definitely.

But in my experience, I have yet to find one that hasn’t had the same ending. We meet, become friends, start to get close, and then he ditches me because: he moves away and doesn’t feel like contacting me again, he has other friends to keep him company, he’s already close to his family and doesn’t need me, he is uncomfortable being around me, or whatever else.

Maybe it’s too much to hope for my Jared / Sam / Jensen / Dean / true brother / BFF. Maybe it is completely unrealistic. Maybe it is more common to have the longing than the fulfillment.

But is it wrong to hope?

It’s wrong to obsess; I get that.

But is it wrong that I look for that true brother still, that I still pray for God to bring that true brother to me?

I hope not.

O brother, where art thou…

Do you also long for a “true brother”? Have you ever experienced such a strong male friendship?

* Photo courtesy fanpop.

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