I Wanted to be Ex-Gay

I hadn’t wanted orientation change out of a desire to please God. I’d wanted to be straight because I simply wanted to be normal. I had been scared. I was internally homophobic, hating myself and especially other gay men.

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YOBcast Episode 044: Jesus

Who is Jesus? What role does Jesus play in our stories and our struggles? Join Tom, Ryan, and first-timer Kevin for a long overdue discussion on the cornerstone of this entire community: Jesus. We talk about our individual beginnings with Jesus, our favorite Jesus stories, and how Jesus intersects our sexuality and masculinity.

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How I’ll Heal in the Next Life

God and I are going to have some time alone together at the beginning of the next life. For the wounds to heal, for the scars to fade, and for the tears to become mere memory. I used to think healing would happen in an instant, but I’m not sure that’s how healing works anymore.

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Finding Hope in Fantasy

My daughter had been injured by an accident — something that had no one to blame or fault. And in that time, I needed to know that it was all going to be all right. I needed to know that it would work out. I needed hope. And I needed to restore my faith in that hope.

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I Don’t Want to Lose Another Best Friend

I didn’t want to lose my best friend to this soon-to-be relationship. I already knew what it felt like to be left alone, tossed away like an old rag doll by a straight relationship, forgotten. I don’t know how many times this had happened to me, and I wasn’t ready to go through it again. Especially by someone I thought would be my best friend for a long time.

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YOBcast Episode 041: Why Side B

Why do we choose a traditional, “Side B” sexual ethic as men who follow Jesus? Do we choose this life solely for our convictions or in spite of them? Do we live out a gay/SSA celibate life with joy or in angst and suffering? Tom welcomes Ryan and Matt for a discussion on why we’re Side B, as opposed to “Side A” (gay-affirming), and where these labels even come from.

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Coming Out at College

College held the hope for a fresh start. Home meant the weight of my double-life: the pain of lying about porn and “everything is okay” all the time; the great friendships that never felt deep or authentic enough for my broken self.

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