This post is going to be another story from my crazy wild hookup days. What, again? Yes, again! So, if this kind of subject matter has the potential to trigger you and you have forgotten about my previous warnings, here’s a little reminder: DO NOT READ THIS POST! Let’s start, shall we?
As of now, I’ve had so many hookups and partners to where I’ve lost count! Okay, maybe that’s a lie. I’d say I’ve had around 20 hookup partners — some different, some the same.
While I was in my “prime” and going crazy having sex with a bunch of guys, I was let go from my work. I’d been working as a janitor and loved it!
Side note: I love cleaning, and I would say cleaning is one of my hobbies. I worked independently, so my bosses didn’t ever check up on me. There was no need to, because I was pretty good at keeping up with the work.
So my work laid me off, mostly due to the U.S. recession, and there were a lot of people affected by the job crisis, including me. Though the company I’d been working for had made a bogus excuse to let me go, they wouldn’t feel sorry for terminating me.
I was suddenly jobless, and somehow I needed to figure out how to pay my portion of the rent at my apartment complex. Thankfully, my schooling wasn’t affected because my scholarships were helping me pay for tuition.
While going to school, I was also job-searching, mostly to help make ends meet on my part. I was living with family, and they had money coming in for their scholarships too, so they had no problem. Myself, I was screwed!
And yes, I just made a pun.
I had the responsibility to pay the electricity bill and my family’s TV bill. I’d been the only one with a job, so all the responsibility was laid on me.
Job search after job search, no one would hire me. Each company I applied for was only hiring temporarily, or they were looking for a specific person because they couldn’t afford paying many people. Again, this was back in a time when the recession had hit hard.
It was very hard to keep up with my finances and help out my family.
My mind started focusing on school, sex, and going to “church.” For a while, it was good to keep my mind off finances and replace it with church and school — but that would only last for a little bit until the worry and anxiety came in, and I would freak over how to get money to make ends meet.
The reality would set in that I was jobless and money-less, and there was nothing I could do about it. And so while searching for guys to hook up with, I noticed an ad saying: “Looking For Generous Guy.”
“Generous guy.” I never heard that term before, so I responded asking what it meant. That person replied back saying it was another way of describing someone who had money — basically, asking for money in exchange of sex.
In addition to “generous,” people would also use the phrases “escorting” and “sugar daddy,” and it was all basically prostitution. By this time, I was desperate for money, and I did really love having sex! So, I made an ad asking if anyone was “generous.” But of course, I also had to specify what type of person I was interested in.
Was I scared? Oh yeah I was! But I did it anyway.
Once I made that ad, I got so many replies, but I had to choose only one. Thus I became familiar with looking for “generous” guys whenever I was desperate for money.
Basically, I became a slut and a prostitute, but I didn’t care. Over time, my desperation for money turned into greed, and I wanted more! Since my thirst for sex and money became greater, I turned many guys into objects or meat, and I didn’t care about getting to know them.
If guys had what I was looking for, I didn’t even bother getting their names.
I empathize with those who are in this situation right now.
As time passed, that feeling of guilt finally settled in me, and asking for “generous” guys was the first to go.
It wasn’t fast, but it was getting there.
The guys I hit up would always want to get into a relationship with me, and that was a huge no-no! After a while, my conscience got the best of me, and I wasn’t interested in any of the guys’ money. Eventually, I stopped. But the whole hookup scene was still there.
Fast-forward to now: I am not jobless anymore, I have a good paying job, and I love it! The day I decided to stop asking for “generous” guys, I had to slowly learn how to depend on God with my finances and job search.
Was it hard?
Yes, it was; but in the end, God made ends meet.
To be honest, the temptation still comes around every now and then. But I know how to say no to my desires when it comes to money and sex. It was a learning experience to say the least!
Without being explicit, do you resonate with any of Matt’s story of hookup culture? Have troubled finances sent you into any spirals, lustful or otherwise?
* Photo courtesy arnoarno, Creative Commons.