How I’ll Heal in the Next Life

God and I are going to have some time alone together at the beginning of the next life. For the wounds to heal, for the scars to fade, and for the tears to become mere memory. I used to think healing would happen in an instant, but I’m not sure that’s how healing works anymore.

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I Don’t Want to Lose Another Best Friend

I didn’t want to lose my best friend to this soon-to-be relationship. I already knew what it felt like to be left alone, tossed away like an old rag doll by a straight relationship, forgotten. I don’t know how many times this had happened to me, and I wasn’t ready to go through it again. Especially by someone I thought would be my best friend for a long time.

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A Man Like All the Other Men?

I recently returned from a men’s retreat in which I came face-to-face with my biggest struggle: not anything regarding my sexuality or sexual addictions. But simply feeling like a man. Like a man among men, assembled on an equal playing field rather than somewhere on another field’s sidelines.

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Fighting Masculine Insecurities on Spring Break

Just imagining myself joining this group on this trip brought up several anxieties: the fear of sharing, sleeping, and showering among so many other guys. I also had masculine insecurities about cleaning up after Hurricane Katrina along with the ability to share my faith. But God is bigger than my anxieties. And as I’d eventually learn, jumping into the unknown with God tends to be the best option.

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My Battle with Male Body Image

I remember being envious of the other boys who seemed so free in their bodies, so free with their bodies. I remember being envious of their slenderness, and later on, their muscles. I remember lying in bed wishing so hard that I could wake up and be miraculously thin. I remember knowing that I shouldn’t hate my body but having no idea how to stop.

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Side B Friendships are Hard

It’s no secret that I have written extensively on the joys and blessings of SSA, gay, or Side B friendships. Indeed, these particular friendships have been incredible and moving experiences that I would not trade for anything in the world. But at the same time, let me be clear: maintaining Side B friendships with other guys can be HARD.

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My Jesus Journey Leads Me Here

Call it a “new direction” or a clearer translation of what YOB has been from the start: a community desperate for Jesus. My 31-year Jesus journey leads me here. Wherever “here” is. Broken on the floor. Echoes of the past ringing in my ears. Doubts for the future always shadowing my vision no matter how many tears I blink away.

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