Side B Friendships are Hard

It’s no secret that I have written extensively on the joys and blessings of SSA, gay, or Side B friendships. Indeed, these particular friendships have been incredible and moving experiences that I would not trade for anything in the world. But at the same time, let me be clear: maintaining Side B friendships with other guys can be HARD.

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YOBcast Episode 040: Change

Change happens to all of us. Relational change. Spiritual change. Seasons of life that take us to the redemptive mountaintops and valleys of shadows. Tom welcomes Ryan and Dean for our first episode back after a monthlong hiatus. It’s an episode of literal change with new sounds, new segments, and new features as we dive into a discussion on the most pivotal changes in our lives. We discuss our authors’ retreat weekend, the inaugural Revoice conference, our first 1-star iTunes review, Tom’s initial discovery of this Your Other Brothers community, Ryan’s journey with body image, Dean’s friendship with Tom’s younger brother, and more.

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The Male Imprints Left On Us

When we give our hearts to people we are changed, even if they never give us their hearts in return. These effects aren’t scars — they don’t begin as wounds — and I wouldn’t call them baggage. They’re like paint splashes on our canvas hearts or imprints on our soft, clay souls.

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If Dating Threatens This Friendship

My biggest fear was that my best friend was going to force our friendship to end all because of this girl, pushing me away from his life. It was the fear that whatever friendship we’d built in the past he was willing to tear down, trample to the ground, and pretend that I never existed at all.

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My Straight Friend Won’t Touch Me

He was never physically affectionate; we’d never even hugged. I wanted to touch him not out of a sexual desire but from a longing to connect with him as love with a brother. I dreamed of a day when we could embrace and confess our brotherly love for each other. I put my hand on his shoulder once. He brushed it off.

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Why I Hated Marriage

Some of the happiest periods of my life took place during college and grad school. I lived with a group of eight guys, and they were the greatest friends one could ask for. As their dating relationships grew more serious, I felt myself going down on their list of priorities. Some of those friends got married. And our friendships effectively ended.

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YOBcast Episode 025: Best Friends

Tom and Elliott welcome back Tom’s younger brother, Andy, for his second YOBcast appearance. Also appearing for his second show is Dean, one of our authors who also happens to be Andy’s best friend. We talk about their relationship as best friends and what having a best friend means to all of us.

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